I want to start this by saying I am incredibly lucky and privilege. I have never denied this.
Growing up my grandparents out aside a college fund for all 5 grandkids. I never used all of my fund as a fun combination of neurodivergence, mental illness, and learning disabilities has made it so higher education is not an option. I am not stupid but college is not a place I can win. Despite that I have continued to move up and have a good paying job with great benefits. I have no student loans, medical debt, credit card debt, or any debt at all.
In 2020 I decided to buy a condo. I got the leftover college fund money and got a place. My interest rate was 1.7 percent. It was a buyers market so I got a great price for it. Eventually I realized I hated the area and sold. I made a profit but had to pay tax on that profit.
When I was looking for a new place I was having issues with the intrest rates. My mom went to my grandparents and asked them if I could borrow the money from them and get a lower interest rate. They said yes and I got 2.7 percent. I got a place in a “raising” neighborhood. Nice area but people have a stigma agenst it so it was a good price. I payed asking price. I know how lucky I am.
My grandparents are looking at their wills and trying to get that figured out. The thought of my mortgage and their will stressed them out. They decided to start gifting me money that payed of part of my mortgage. I have payed my mortgage every month and made extra payments. I DID NOT ASK THEM TO GIFT ME MONEY FOR MY MORTGAGE. This year I will finish paying for my house.
I can’t tell my 2 oldest friends who I consider family about this. One I have know for 20 yrs and the other 13yrs. When I have talked about paying off my place before it turns into a talk about how privileged I am. I know I am. All I want is to tell them and get a quick, “Congrats.” Nothing else.
But here is the catch-22. If I they find out later they will be mad at me and ask why I didn’t tell them. And they will not react well to the truth. I know how they will respond if I tell them about the mortgage and just don’t want to fell bad about it.
Of my two friends the 13yr got pregnant and had a kid in the last couple years. We don’t talk anymore because she has been stressed and hormonal and thought I wouldn’t respond in the way she wanted. Fair, I can’t promise I would. I know I don’t always say the right thing. I don’t fault her for this. But I am going to do the same thing in regards to my paying off. I just know they will start with, “That’s not fair, its different.” “Your just punishing us for the silence.” I just wanna feel good about this without a lecture.
Luckily I have other friends I can talk to about this but it still kinda hurts. If their student loans were payed off, given a free house, and a million dollars; I would celebrate them. But I know that energy won’t be returned.
Thanks for coming to my Ted talk.
Comments
Why do you feel compelled to be congratulated for something you didn’t work for or earn? It’s not like you won the lottery or your business is flourishing. Your grandparents are helping out their Gran-kids and your getting an inheritance. Yeah its sweet, and congrats, but why not just tell the friends who wont care and move on.
I don’t tell my friends or family when I get a bonus more than their yearly salary, I just take them out to dinner or give them a small gift if I feel like it. No need to rub it in anyone’s face even when I earned it.
So just eat your BS and remember that most people are just trying to survive, so unless you are doing something nice for them just be happy and thankful for what you got. Yes you want to tell the world but really no one is going to think better of you for it.
I don’t really know anything about my friends’ finances or status of their mortgage and they don’t know mine. Why would you tell them? I don’t think that’s normal.
“But here is the catch-22. If I they find out later they will be mad at me and ask why I didn’t tell them. And they will not react well to the truth. I know how they will respond if I tell them about the mortgage and just don’t want to feel bad about it.”
You do that by keeping your big financial business to yourself, as all wise people should do. They wont find out, how would they? Will the bank call and tell them? No.
But if they do, say “You were not told because I didn’t want a lecture about it.”
“But I know that energy won’t be returned.”
Are these really your friends? They dont seem like great friends.
Don’t tell anyone if you don’t want it to get back to them people accidentally spill when they don’t know it’s a secret congratulations
Don’t be that friend that talks finances… PLEASE!
Why would you tell them ??
You must be American .. you know other countries do t talk about this stuff and it’s AOK