EDIT: Just a heads up, I’m not religious and never will be so please stop with the DMs preaching about Jesus in order for me to combat this
My diet, plan for the day and work have been pretty much consistently normal. But for a decent amount of months now, I’ve occasionally (and more frequently now) been having insanely realistic dreams where I would have a family and kids, or I’d be on holiday with what seems to be my missus while both in our mid 30s, or we’d be doing something conventional in such a realistic setting.
On a couple of occasions it felt like I had experienced 15 years of a life in real-time, and when I wake up it’s so goddamn depressing and painful that it felt like I lost a family that never was.
It’s a weird experience, because when I wake up I sometimes think “is this real?” or “where’s my family?” until I get to grips with my surroundings. Even though it’s a dream state, I still remember her touch, how she laughed and even what she looked like which is a big deal because you don’t normally remember that kinda stuff.
I’ve never taken drugs, I haven’t touched a drink in about a year and I’m in my early 20s, but I fear this is happening because I live alone and I’ve had such a lack of experience due to my physical features and “introvertedness”.
Sometimes I wish I would never wake up so I could be around them and it fucking hurts, I’m going insane.
Normally with dreams those memories tend to vanish, but with these ones I can remember almost everything. The only reason I’m writing this is because it got worse last night where I watched “the wife” die in my hands. I don’t want to go to any GPs because I don’t want this on my record since I can’t afford to lose my job. I think I’m just gonna have to deal with it. And no, I’m not waste my hard earned money on therapy to vent to some random person for an extortionate fee.
And for those who say “go outside and talk to women” or “you need to have confidence” trust me I’ve tried man, I’m just so tired of hearing this from people who are insanely more attractive than me so that doesn’t help one bit, I’ll just stick to hoping I see them when I shut my eyes at night.
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This is a thing I got into researching after the Rick and Morty episode that was similar. It’s a thing that happens to some people. I think there’s a few similar posts at r/unexplained. Not sure what else to tell you except it’s not just you.
I myself dreamed vividly up to around the age of 30 or so, then less frequently. I still dream but not with the same hyper real texture and emotion. I’d wake up and feel I was still there, or like there was more real. Now I’m 40 and once in a great while I still have one. Tbh I’ve often followed those dreams, I take them as signs about what’s important to me, what I should pursue, who I could become. Now that I’m writing it out, I think as I’ve become more settled into myself and my life and my contentment (mostly) with it, the dreams are quieter.
Consider seeing a genuine psychic. I know might hard to believe in but they might be able to set you straight.
Sounds like a DMT trip, which I’ve heard the brain can make on its own.
I’ve had similar dreams. The “reality” type dreams. I don’t know that I’d chalk it down to loneliness since I’m married with kids. But I have had whole life experiences happen in dreams, and it felt real and I would wake up missing what it was.
As far as your dating life, I’m not a man so I can’t say how to approach women from a man’s point of view. But I’d just say keep being you. Be kind. Be thoughtful. And the RIGHT one for you isn’t going to be superficial into 10/10 looks anyways. And let’s face it, social media feeds us all this BS of what women and men “should look like” when that stuff doesn’t matter. Who you are on the inside and the quality of human you are is what truly matters. I would rather spend my life with a 1/10 looks, who treats me kindly, and loves me, and is responsible. Than to have a 10/10 who sucks and doesn’t treat people right.
I think you should go to a medical professional about this. The worst-case scenario is that you take some pills and everything is normal again. If things keep happening this way, then you can explore other avenues
Man, this sounds brutal. The conclusion of this from what it sounds like isn’t going to be something you want to hear. What you’re describing isn’t normal dreaming. This sounds like maladaptive dreaming or possible dissociation, and it’s not just a lonely guy imagining an ideal life in his sleep. It’s starting to mess with your grip on reality and causing deep grief over things that never existed. That’s not just a quirk. That’s something your brain is doing to cope, and when coping turns into suffering, it’s a sign that something needs to change. Like it or not, that involves addressing it with a mental health professional.
Saying you’ll “just deal with it” might feel like the only option, but let’s be honest, you’re not dealing with it. It’s dealing with you. It’s already affecting your mental health and that slope only gets steeper the longer you’re in it alone. You don’t have to go pay hundreds to lie on a couch and cry to someone. There are affordable, even free, mental health resources out there, and not everything gets “put on your record” in the way you’re imagining. HIPAA makes it so no one can have access to any of this information.
You don’t have to tell a therapist your life story. You just have to tell someone you’re scared you’re losing your grip, and what is happening in your dreams. That’s enough to start. Even just one session might give you a crack of clarity or a way forward. Regardless, this is something that is indicative of something that is potentially serious. Don’t do that to yourself. But even if it doesn’t lead to other things and get worse, you’re already living in this undesirable state. Talking to someone can only help. I’m not sure where you got this idea that you’ll lose your job, but you should look into where you are getting that idea, because it’s certainly not the case. What could be the case is you lose your job because you didn’t deal with your mental health issue and it leaked into your performance. Help yourself. Don’t be your own worst enemy
i wish i had an answer. i’ve been going through the same, but in a more spaced out and muted way. a lot of these dreams make me wish i was in that reality instead of my own because my actual life is so empty and devoid of living.
I dream real very often. What if we really do exist in multiple timeliness or dimensions and we’re not supposed to remember?
Also though what if this is sleep issue and you chalk it up to the dreams. But, then what if you need a sleep study to check your physical sleep and see if you have some treatable sleep issue?
Read the short story “The Lion of Comarre” and then get off the Internet, go outside, and talk to people. Not specifically women, just people. Or volunteer to walk dogs or pet cats at an animal shelter, because they won’t care how you look. Join a tabletop RPG group, or find a nerdy friend with a big board games collection and help them host a game night every other week.
I know people of all different shapes and sizes who are happy, who have partners who love them, and who aren’t necessarily attractive. I also know a lot of people who are perfectly happy being single. The main thing they have in common is that they have multiple groups of friends and various hobbies to keep them occupied.
I understand you think you don’t want to try therapy…but this is exactly what therapy is for – helping you to navigate life / emotions.
I’m a lucid dreamer and have a few extremely vivid dreams per night. After particularly stressful, scary, or emotional dreams it can take me a little while to come back to reality. I even revisit the same imaginary places in my dreams and know that I’ve visited there in a dream before. I understand how influential these experiences can be on your mood and wellbeing.
That being said, you deserve happiness and at a minimum you deserve having someone to talk to that can support you. You’re actively grieving SOMETHING.
I have CPTSD (a common cause for distressing dreams) and therapy has helped me immeasurably. Not just with dreams but in literally every aspect of my life. I truly wish you the best
What kind of advice do you want exactly?
I think you should educate yourself on what therapy is. It’s not just venting to someone. It’s healthcare. Insurance also covers it. There are treatment modalities for your exact problem. Therapy isn’t some weird pseudoscience. You’re doing yourself a disservice by disregarding the experts to your very problem.
Is it always the same woman as your wife? Or do you think its a different person each time?
Some advice, please take it or leave it but this is what I would do.
See your doctor and exclude things like Temporal lobe epilepsy . Can present with very vivid, in life real ‘dreams’ /sights and sounds. Get your blood work done and get examined and make sure there isn’t anything organic contributing to this.
If all clear, talk to a certified psychologist and relate what you’ve been going through and talk it out. It may be desire for that sort of life, it may have something to do with previous experiences or something else.
Rely on friends and family and let them know this is causing a problem in your life and ask for their support in whatever way you need. Take time off work if you can and get sorted.
It sounds to me like you’re having the conflict between the reality you want and the reality you have. Most likely this is temporary, so it’s better to just relax and realize that when the reality you have changes, your dreams will also change. If your dreams continue to the state that they are torturing and affecting waking reality, then speaking to someone about them might change them.
You may be touch starved. Which is in agreement with everyone above as a reason to reach out to medical professionals and behavioral professionals. Medical to rule out any biological issues that may need to be treated to cause the vivd dreaming, while behavioral to help come up with strategies on how to find connection with others. Humans do weird things when we’re isolated. Online can help but it’s not a fix for in person interactions and human touch.
Like you said just gotta deal with it, consider it a quirk of the universe. Maybe find a creative outlet.
You’re not alone in this! There are lots of posts from people who have experienced this on r/dreams. I would recommend seeing a neurologist if that’s at all possible, because there might be an underlying medical issue to treat.
I feel you. I miss my dream world, but they come and go. I’ve found myself having more weird dreams during changing seasons. I think the change of temperatures whilst I slept slightly wakes me up, and it makes me remember the details of these dreams better. All the people, the conversations, the streets, the food, and the breeze on my skin, all feel so real in those dreams.
Share that with people, and share the details. Maybe from a dream sub reddit. You might find someone who would share your happy moments and your grief of missing the dream world.
Look up quantum immortality, there’s a subreddit as well.