I caught feelings for my professor and I honestly don’t know what to do with it. It started small, I just really enjoyed their class. They’re passionate, confident, and speak in a way that holds everyone’s attention. At first, I thought I just admired them. But lately, it’s become something more, and now I feel completely thrown off by it.
I know how this sounds. I’m not expecting anything to happen, and I don’t even think they see me that way. They’ve never been inappropriate or crossed any lines. This is all coming from me, and I hate that I can’t seem to shake it. I feel like I’m carrying this secret around that I didn’t ask for, and it’s starting to affect how I focus in class and how I see myself.
I’ve tried telling myself it’s just a phase, that it’s just a reaction to how different they are from people my age. But the feelings don’t just go away. I’m not trying to act on them or create any weird situation, I just want to understand how to manage what I’m feeling without letting it mess with my education or my head.
If anyone has been through something like this, I’d really appreciate some perspective. I’ve kept a few more thoughts on my profile if you’re curious or want the full picture.
Comments
Do nothing. It is a violation of professional ethics for a professor to get involved with a student. Most educational institutions will fire them and in some areas they can lose their teaching license.
What you are experiencing is very common and your feelings are quite normal.
I have discovered over many decades of my own life that the best way to understand the sorts of feelings that you have for this professor is to ask yourself who he represents for you.
You say that he’s passionate, confident, and speaks in a way that holds everyone’s attention.
I’m sure you know other people who are like that as well, but you do not have any particular feelings for them.
But for this professor, you do.
So the question then becomes: when you were a little girl, did you always want a parent, either a mother or a father, who would speak passionately, confidently, and hold your attention ?
In other words, a parent who was focused on you, and what you were feeling, and thinking, and who cared about you enough to give you the attention that you deserved and required when you were small?
Please let me know what you think about that. Thank you.
I think the simple answer is that you can’t “do anything” about it in the sense that your professor must not find out. It could make them very uncomfortable or, worse, encourage predatory behaviour on their part if they’re a scumbag.
Perhaps speaking to a university counsellor could help? Or your own therapist if you have one.
My brother was a professor at a tech institute. Tried his luck. Not good. If it’s true love or some other wild urban legend. Wait until you finish school and have documentation of his where abouts. I’m sure it’ll work out.
Sounds like someone wants to stay late after class to bump their grades up haha
Grow up, you’re not in high school anymore so you need to get past the puppy love infatuation bullshit.
Now that someone has told you what it is maybe you can move past it. But this stuff is at best the ongoing effects of hormones from puberty not yet smoothed out by age… or at worst you’ve got some daddy issues.
It happens. I mooned over one or two profs and TAs at university. They’re passionate about what you’re interested in, charismatic, and an entire room listens to them. Infatuations are normal.
Aside from demolishing their career if caught; if not, they might demolish yours. Would you trust any of your ex’s to give you a good grade or a reference?
People get crushes everyday maybe even multiple times a day. It’s just a crush. Don’t obsessed over it, you’re already thinking way too deep about it.
Edit to say – without even knowing they probably DONT feel the same way. Plzzz don’t try to pursue this for the sake of both of you two and your education…. Don’t let this crush turn you delusional.
Please handle this yourself, don’t bring him into this. It can fuck up his life quickly.
“Don’t stand so close. Don’t stand so. Don’t stand so close to me.”