I caught my mother in some pretty disturbing lies recently

Hey everyone. I’m writing this because it has been weighing on me heavily for awhile now, and it’s starting to implode my sanity. I’ll try and make a long story short.

TL;DR My mom has lied about things recently and I just found out that she secretly sold a gold coin that was given to my sister as an infant, and lied about it for 27 years. And other shady stuff.

(Backstory: my parents divorced when I was 15 and it was very rough, money issues were at the core of it, but it was pretty complex. They fought constantly. My mother often vented to me about their arguments when I was a young child, which made me feel strange. I can only remember two times in my entire childhood that she asked me how I was feeling.)

Fast forward over a decade. This recent issue it started in 2023. I decided to ask my mom why she had never taken me and my sister to therapy after the divorce. She herself was attending therapy at the time. I was 15, my sister was 13, and we desperately needed someone to talk to. I had also went through an extremely traumatic accident at age 16, just a year after the divorce.

When I asked her this she said abruptly that she DID take me to therapy. Then she changed the subject. The way she said it was jarring and kind of rude, so I decided to bring it up again a few minutes later. She was definitely irritated this time. I calmly reminded her that she did not actually send me to see a therapist, that I only attended 2 counseling “classes” through the court system and that was because I got caught smoking weed, it had nothing to do with the accident or divorce or the years of previous depression. She again changed the subject and was visibly angry.

Couple weeks later. SImilar thing happens when I ask her if she still had the cast iron pans she borrowed from my dad a couple years ago. She said she had never borrowed them. This was confusing to me because my dad has a really sharp memory, and also would have never let anyone except family borrow the pans (even though they are divorced). So I said this and she (pretty rudely) said “I’ll look for them!” Ok. Then a couple weeks later, without a word she mails 2 brand new pans to my dad? And didnt say anything.

So I’m thinking okay, maybe my mother just has early-onset dementia and she genuinely cannot remember these events. But then why get angry? So I kind of pushed it into the back of my mind and moved on with life…

THEN like 6 months later, I go back home (she lives in a small town 400+ miles from me) to pick up some clothes and my keyboard piano that had been at her house since high school. She knows I absolutely adore that keyboard. But I couldnt find it so I asked her where it was. She said “Oh it’s at your dad’s house.” I said “It definitely is not, I never took it over there. Ever.” We go back and forth with her insisting that it’s there. Finally she says “Oh I think I gave it away actually.” She said it with a laugh. So I’m like “Ok to who? did they borrow it? Buy it? Or did you donate it?” Then she gets this dazed look in her eyes and just says “I’m sorry, I just don’t know where it is”. And once again changes the subject leaving me to sit in shock and bafflement at her lack of concern!! (Which is a feeling i have had around her my entire life, if we are being honest….)

BUT THEN???!!!!! Few weeks ago I was talking to my aunt and uncle (my mom’s older brother). They have a piano and I was fooling around on it. I mentioned what happened with my keyboard piano and my mother’s nonchalance, and then I decided to tell them about the other lies too. They both kind of got awkwardly quiet. Then my uncle said “Well she’s always been weird like that…” And he proceeded to tell me this:

My mom’s side of the family had a tradition of giving or sending a 1/8oz gold coin (worth about $400) to every new member of the family when they were born. To be kept for safekeeping until the child was 18. Kind of like a little “nest egg” gift, a fortune gift for the future of the new baby. My uncle mailed one to my parents when I was born, and then when my sister was born two years later, he mailed another one for her.

He said a few weeks after he mailed the one for my sister, he got a call from my mom. She said “Thank you for the gold coin. I had a hell of a time selling it though, and only got $30!!”

My uncle said he was flabbergasted. But in typical family tradition he did not confront her!!!! (No one on my mother’s side of the family is confrontational)

I immediately told my dad about this – he went and checked his big safe and sure enough, there was my gold coin that has been sitting there for almost 30 years. But none for my sister. My dad had no idea she had ever even received one!!!

So. Yeah. What the hell. I feel like all the trust Ive had in my mother is crashing down. I have so many questions. I am FURIOUS!! I seriously have never felt this level of anger and betrayal before

There’s also something else that my dad and I have been discussing. Jfc just typing this sounds insane. So, my mother was given her great-grandmother’s jewelry box when she married my dad. It had a LOT of expensive stuff apparently. Family heirlooms. But shortly after the wedding, the box disappeared during a move, and my mom says she lost it.

But now that I have caught her in these other lies I feel like EVERYTHING is up for questioning now. I feel like my world has flipped upside down. I feel like this entire situation calls for a family meeting with my sister, uncle, aunt, and grandma!! My partner agrees. But none of them are confrontational, like I said…I mean shit my uncle has known about the damn cold coin for 27 YEARS and didnt say a word!! I haven’t told my sister about the gold coin yet, because my dad’s advice was “She should hear it from [uncle]”. My mind is literally racing thinking of what to do about all this. Haven’t been able to sleep right or eat. I hope that I wrote it out in a way that isn’t too confusing – there’s a lot of information and nuances. Thank you all 🙂