This weekend, I posted some of my artwork for sale on Nextdoor, trying to get commissions to help pay for medical expenses. Everything was going well; I was getting lots of responses and interest. However, most people would disappear after the first exchange of messages, which is normal when selling online.
Saturday night, I opened my email and saw a message from my ex, whom I’ll call John. He saw my post and was making fun of me, saying I would have more success if I stood on the street and asked for money, and that I would never be successful without him. I ignored the email and deleted it, trying not to let it affect me. I messaged some of the interested people to follow up, and one person replied that they were no longer interested because they received a message from someone saying I wasn’t a good artist and that I was crazy, so they shouldn’t spend any money on me. I’m not sure how many others he might have contacted.
I put two and two together, and I know it was my ex. For context, I dated him for almost two years. He was the biggest narcissist and came from an affluent background—his dad owned several pawnshops, so he grew up very well off. Like most relationships, ours started out well, but then it changed. He became mentally and verbally abusive. Due to all the abuse, my health declined, and he would tell me that all my illnesses were just in my mind. He’d argue with me every time I went to the doctor. He was extremely controlling. I wasn’t allowed to work or have friends. He was always jealous. The day I decided to leave, he shoved me really hard into the wall because I didn’t want to give him my phone. He’s 6’3″, and I’m 5’3″, so you can imagine the power difference.
I left him six months ago. Since then, he’s tried reaching out, begging me to get back together. I’ve been couch surfing at friends’ places for a few months, but recently I moved in with my best friend and her parents. They have a little suite that they’re letting me rent out. The problem is, it’s in the same area as my ex. I barely go out, so I doubt I’ll run into him by chance, but now he knows I’m in the area.
Back to this weekend: I’m so angry because I’m doing my best to seek medical help and survive, and he’s here sabotaging all the efforts I’m making to force me to go back with him. I’m not proud of what I did because I know it was impulsive, but since he emailed me from his work email, and I know who his boss is (I used to do my ex’s work), I cc’ed his boss, attaching his previous email and telling the boss if he knew that John shares sensitive company information with friends and that I did xyz work John was supposed to do.
Since then, I’ve received a few calls from “No Caller ID” from my ex. He’s left voicemails saying that I need to deny the email, or he’ll get fired, blah blah.
Edit: for those asking how did he know who to message. On Nextdoor people can like, heart or whatever just like Facebook and people can comment just like Facebook. I had over 30 people comment that they were interested and wanted details in the comments. Some private messaged me but the minority reached out in the comments.
Comments
Perfect…
Dude… this is just wild. Like, I can’t even believe your ex would go to those lengths, ya know? He’s gotta be insane or something
I hope his boss actually fires him for all that shit he pulled. What a total prick, man. And hey, way to stand up for yourself by exposing him like that
What’s the deal with people doing crap like this? Is there some deep-seated issue they’re trying to solve by messing with others?
I like. I had to deal with an abusive ex who said the same things and sabotaged me as often as he put me down. Success is always the best revenge, that and just not reacting to them in anyway.
However, I wonder if you could do something about selling your art. Maybe in your post make a statement that you are a DV survivor and your abuser is reaching out to potential buyers and is trolling your post? Maybe it will help?
I’m glad you emailed his boss, it is what he deserves. But I am worried for your safety.
Please be very careful, and consider making a report to the police just so you have a paper trail.
Not so petty, but a fitting revenge.
Beautiful revenge, flawlessly rendered.
What he’s doing is defamation with malice that’s affecting your reputation and ability to make a living. Slam dunk case.
Ask the interested people to send you the emails they got.
He is harassing you. File a report.
Updateme!
Noice!!! Here for the update. 🥤😎🍿
Beautiful.
my question would be how he was able to find the peeps who had messaged you? change passwords on your accounts!
Not only should you keep the emails even after sending them to his boss, also keep the voicemails and possibly send those to his boss too. Definitely be sure to make a police report as others have said so that way you have a paper trail. Stay safe out there.
Updateme
Forward his latest message to the boss. Continue as needed
So just a heads up, this is slander. If you can gather some evidence, you can sue him because this actually resulted in a loss of livelihood. Likewise, be careful about claims you make at his work and make sure you can prove what you’re saying so he can’t sue in kind.
Just be prepared for repercussions. Get cameras on your house etc. good luck and good play
Skipping over a lot of boring details, let’s just say my first ever job out of college was as the on-site rep for some company. My on-site supervisor hated my boss, and delighted putting me in no-win situations just to have an excuse to call up my boss and yell at him.
The on-site supervisor once told me, in absolutely no uncertain terms, that I was expected to just make up excuses for vendors if someone reported a problem that I couldn’t independently verify. This was at a fucking Jesuit University too. I know in a lot of cases the whole 10 Commandments thing, like don’t lie, is seen as more of an optional set of suggestions by Christians, but Jesuits are the intellectual branch of the Catholic Church and at a University you have to enforce academic honesty.
After I left, I submitted ethics line reports to the vendors, outlining how she had directed me to defraud them, and also sent a message to the University President. Don’t think it was too much longer after that I got bored and checked their Linkedin profile to find they weren’t at that university anymore.
Which is all my really long-winded way of saying I approve of your methods. If you have any actual proof you did some work for your ex, you should be sure to send it to his boss. If you have copies of the stuff you did still, that’s perfect, send it over to his boss. If not, maybe you can remember some specific and significant details about particular reports (or whatever) that are easily verified–things that only someone who either authored or read the document could know–that should be plenty. If there are any police reports you filed while you were together, you could send those over as bonus reading material. I’d also consider sending recordings of his VMs.
You should also consider putting some of your art up on some art related sub. Maybe not for sale, but just so people can appreciate it and to twist the knife a little more on your ex.
Finally, I do agree with u/Pippet_4 and think you should consider petitioning for a restraining order. Not only has he been physically violent with you in the past, he’s already showing signs of stalker behavior, and it’s probably only a matter of time before it goes from just online stalking to in-person.
Set up an Etsy shop and keep up keeping your ex out of your life. Wishing you every success!
You. Go. Girl.
Stay vigilant in case his crazy escalates but not letting him run all over you is a good look!!!
Buy some pepper spray.
Good job.
Email the boss back with a few tidbits on clients’ sensitive information to prove your ex was compromising said information. That will push boss to fire your AH ex. Payback!!
I just love this level of petty😂🤣
I like your style. Get him fired but be prepared to move away. You will need to assume a new online identity and phone number because He will harass and may harm you. Take steps to keep yourself safe!
I hope his boss actually fire him and hire OP since she did some of his work…
He played fafo and lost
dis_gonna_get_good.gif
Good for you. Keep looking for ways to balance the equation. Every time he does something defamatory, you can return in-kind. Love this first effort!
Op, are you willing to share a link to your art? I can’t afford to buy anything, but I’d love to see it. If you don’t feel comfortable with sharing it here, I’d completely understand.
Maybe, if he has to face serious consequences, he’ll understand that you are serious.
He is in a glorious Find Out stage. Hope you stay strong. Well played.
Update! Update! Update! Update! Did the bastard get fired???
>I need to deny the email, or he’ll get fired
OP:
Ohno!—_Anyway.jpg
I know it doesn’t seem like it, but take a moment to be smug that you’ve moved on, but he’s obviously still hung up on you. He sees your art, sees you having a life & it p’sses him off! You’re living rent free in his head & that gives you all the power you didn’t have before.
nb move & start again in freedom.x
How did he know who was interested to be able to message them? Does Nextdoor not have private messaging?
….. Well, keep your head on a swivel. What you did was right, but he could sue you for that. Again, before reddit jumps down my throat: what you did was right. But he could sue you if he loses his job over that. So be careful and probably don’t do it again.
What did I just read?!?! I’m so angry for OP… A sick individual and trying to destroy their life like that?!
Please get a restraining order and then block him on everything.
> not allowed to work or have friends
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
To hell with that guy
Keep ALL your proof of his work failures, ALL your proof: proof you did his work via handwritten notes and any you signed for him; all texts before and after your breakup as far back as you can go, back up everything to the cloud and change ALL your passwords ( keep all hard copies).
Keep all your medical records and personal correspondence with him, again in the cloud and change ALL your passwords (keep all notes, sticky notes, text…etc. hard copies).
Change phone number, get restraining order and lawyer through legal aid.
Got out with friends, go a town over to get away from him and if he follows…record him. If he approaches record and try not to engage in any conflict. Just note that he’s there and normally isn’t. Remain calm and good luck.
Stick to your guns f the x. Sounds like someone maybe getting their dues
OP, let him get fired. I’m glad you got out of an abusive relationship. OP, you are strong and powerful on your own. Be proud of yourself for leaving and deserving so much better in life. Big hugs and take care
Bravo OP. You didn’t just give him what he deserves. You warned his boss that he has a traitor in his company. You wrote, I quote “sensitive company information with friends” and good grief that is him betraying the company all for greed! If I am his boss, I will gladly drag that man’s sorry backside to employment court and make sure he will never work for any company
Ngl I hope your ex’s dad’s pawnshops all wind up getting shut down all because they deal with stolen goods. That way without his daddy’s money he is and has nothing
Restraining order !!
Where can I find your work?
He started it 🤷♀️ if he wants to fuck with your income source, you can fuck with his. He has affluent parents. He’ll be fine. Let’s hope he learns a lesson. Maybe you can retract if he puts a public apology under your advertisement for art sales? Although honestly, no one wants to be involved in that drama. He done irreparable damage…
Good for you! He started it. He’s trying to mess with your livelihood. So f/ck him. I hope he does get fired.
This is totally not an AI generated story. Normal people always keep social media links in place and never block their “narcissist” exes.
Updateme
FAFO at it’s finest!
Go find that email you deleted as soon as possible and undelete it if you can. That’s some prime evidence right there you can show to anyone that’s doubted you.
Save the emails, and other proof you have, you don’t know when you’ll need them. Maybe you’re still recovering now but when return from this you might want to sue/file charges against your ex. Stay brave, stay strong OP. The universe is with you on this! 🫡
How does he know who is asking about your artwork ?
Ok, how many people say they’d suddenly not be interested because someone told them you’re crazy and a bad artist, esp when you are posting finished art. That could very well have been your ex in disguise. People see art they like and buy it. Who cares whether you are or aren’t crazy (I’m sure you’re not), but after someone pays you for the piece, your transaction is over.
I could see that only affecting commissions. But normally people review past work before agreeing to a commission. Someone ELSE saying you’re a bad artist would be disregarded because the proof is in the pudding. They might think twice if they hear you’re crazy but if it’s the same person, I’m more likely to disregard the person who told me (him).
Sorry that you’re being put through this but I like the revenge story. Lol Nice job on that!
Oh, so he can dish it out, but he can’t take it. Tell him happy job hunting. Good for you!
There are a lot of really good suggestions and advice in here already, so I’ll just chime in to say that the art you have posted on your profile is really good.
Looked at your work – the dog paintings – and I think they’re amazing. Do you have prices posted anywhere, and do you work from photos?
Your ex sounds dreadful, and I am sorry not only that you’re going through this, but that you feel so haunted by him. Strongly recommend the advice folks are posting here.
Don’t you DARE deny that email.
You’re in a fight and it’s time to fight back !
No nice guy stuff . Good luck
Please have cameras at home. For real, be careful.
I am a survivor of a 23 year relationship that sounds much like yours. I’m happy you got out but, sweetie, you need to protect yourself with a restraining order and a top notch lawyer who handles abuse cases.
He’s gonna come looking for you when he realizes you’re really not coming back and he’s gonna be madder that a hornet. How dare you make him do anything for himself? All that time training you for nothing?! Yeah, not gonna happen. That’s his mindset and he’ll justify just about anything bc you’ve shaken up his world like a snow globe with broken bits inside.
Please, be very careful, even if you’re staying home. Set up a check-in call routine with loved ones. Set times throughout the day with a word for you’re okay and a word for you’re in trouble. You call them, say where you are, where you’re going, say the word and get on with your day. If for some reason you don’t call in a preset amount of time, they’re to call you and then call the police general number and talk with an officer.
> I’m not proud of what I did because I know it was impulsive
Nah mate I’m a firm believer of FAFO. He had it coming.
Imagine how much less justice there’d be in the world if dickheads were smart enough to realize that they shouldn’t go starting shit when they’ve got a vulnerability. It’s like when people with shady business go pissing off their neighbors and then act surprised when they get the dime dropped on them in retaliation.
Great job! But now I’m wondering if you can’t report him to the police for his succesful sabotage attempts. Fact, several people call this defamation—which I tend to agree with—so you definitely have a case here.
Update me
What he did was illegal and he could be sued for defamation. He sounds like a true narcissist who firmly believes he can pass judgement on others but anyone who returns the favor is wrong. If his family is so well off he can go work in the pawn shop. He FAFO. Just make sure you’re safe because some of these yahoos can be a bit unhinged.
Hey send me the link to you art work….I try to support artists when I can and I dig on your story so yeah when you have a chance post some of the work please?
Start stockpiling the evidence through testimonies.
You reported him to Nextdoor too, right?
So he was jealous of your success, and now he’s the beggar 😈 update us when he sends the voicemail where he’s crying.
Sue him for defamation and tell him you slept with one of his friends who had a much bigger pee pee than him.
You deleted the email but then later ccd it?
Updateme!
I would’ve saved that email as evidence of his malicious behavior. Save those voicemails too and get a harassment restraining order!