I changed the date of my wedding and my justnomom and sister lost their minds

I secured the date for my wedding about 6 months before the wedding (micro wedding, all inclusive venue). A few weeks after setting the date, which I’m pretty sure I cleared by my mom and sister, I found out about my brother and my husband’s family’s travel plans for a nearby holiday so I wanted to bump it back a week so that they could just stay for the holiday and wedding and not have to extend their trip or fly out a second time in one month. I texted my mom and sister to clear the date with them, and they gave me the green light.

A few days later they said wait what’s the new date? And when I told them, they said they actually have show tickets for that weekend so I’d have to move my wedding date back to where it was. I said no, I don’t want to do that, it would inconvenience many people and I already changed it with the venue coordinator. The show they were going to see was postponed from an earlier date, it was cancelled initially so this was the rain date. This is a show that’s been on broadway for years and likely will be for more years to come. We live next to NYC as well so going to a show is common for them.

They flipped out. They called me on a 3 way call and started yelling at me telling me to change the date back, that I’m incredibly selfish, etc. I was mostly quiet in shock and my husband heard and was telling me to just hang up. I kept saying I can’t hang up it’s my mom and sister I don’t know what to do. They kept saying they were on vacation (they went on a spa weekend trip that I couldn’t afford to go on with them) and I shouldn’t have asked them while they were there (they were at lunch when I texted them and they gave me their blessing) because they didn’t have their schedules with them (which are on their phones).

I just felt terrible and like the whole wedding was an inconvenience for everyone. My mom told me she was going to pay for my wedding, which ended up being $10k. But after spending over $75k on my sisters wedding, and paying for my brother, sister and grandma’s hotel rooms at my wedding, there was apparently nothing left so my husband and I paid most of it. Which we are luckily able to do, but it felt weird how she told me she was going to pay for mine and then just never did.

My sister got married a year before me and I was her MOH. I planned and hosted her bachelorette, which was a party bus through the hamptons vineyards complete with personalized bags for all the girls with my sister’s favorite drinks and snacks, customized hats, lunch and dinner out, etc. My sister didn’t plan anything but 2 weeks before my wedding invited my in laws and parents to a cooking class that she venmoed everyone for and was ultimately cancelled bc many of us got sick.

The way I asked my sister to be my MOH was I went to a chocolate shop and had a big chocolate bar customized with ‘will you be my maid of honor’ with lots of other of her favorite chocolate snacks (her fav food is chocolate) and surprised her with the basket. The way she asked me was after one of her dress fitting appointments, my mom asked her if I was going to be her MOH and my sister said umm yea and my mom said did you ask her yet? And she looked at me and said do you want to be my maid of honor? And that was that.

I went to all of her dress appointments, 3 or 4 different stores around the city, and then she just went on her lunch break to try another dress and bought it off the rack and told me a few days later. My mom was beside herself and I tried to talk her down. I told my mom to just call me and vent to me instead of yelling at my sister about this stuff. She called my sister a b*tch, etc. I went to her tailoring appointment and was told to take lots of pictures which I did. When I got my dress I went to 1 store, and she didn’t come. I had to convince my mom to come with me and she insisted on bringing my stepdad. I picked it out that day and returned the next week to pick it up, my mom and sister wouldn’t come with me but luckily my stepdad drove me to get it. For the tailoring appointment my sister didn’t want to come, my mom came bc it was at her friend’s store, she spent the appointment venting and gossiping with the store owner, and after we did the fitting my mom tried on a ton of mother of the bride dresses. I bought one of those dress poofer things that goes under a ball gown to make it bigger, and when I tried it on (it was beautiful) they laughed at me and said absolutely not I cannot wear that. I wanted a floor length veil and they again said no that would be so stupid basically and got me a waist length boring veil. Again my sister was nowhere to be found. After the appt my mom told me we should go get dinner together (it was like 7pm after she finished her dress try on’s) and I said please no, I lived an hour away and wanted to go home. She got upset and told the store owner ‘do you see what I’m dealing with here’.

The bridal showers were similar, I did all the games, venue planning, hosting, decorations, etc. My shower was my mom taking us to a vineyard and my sister giving us the silent treatment for most of it bc she was grumpy that we were going to be late bc my mom mixed up the place that she booked. Then back at my house we opened some gifts and my sister ranted about how long it took my mom to pick out the dishes she got me as my wedding gift.

I am desperately afraid of public speaking and was relieved she didn’t ask me to do a speech for her wedding (with 150+ guests). The week before her wedding she told me I was to give a speech. I broke down to my mom and said there’s no way I can do it. I asked if I could do it at the rehearsal dinner (they said no, it’s too loud there) or if my mom could do it (she said no). So I wrote a beautiful speech, took a shot and did it. Multiple people asked me to send them copies of the speech so they could use it for their MOH speeches coming up so I know it was good. I do like to write, just not speak. At my wedding, my sister stood up for a minute and joked about how I used to steal her clothes (I rarely got new clothes, only hand me downs, so I was jealous of her closet full of new things) and other random petty stuff.

Things are not changing and I’m seriously considering re-evaluating our relationship. Very shortly after the weddings we both had our 1st babies. I cooked her food and dropped it off for her, got her first trimester stuff to help with nausea etc. She stopped by my house and gave my husband half eaten leftover cake from a party she was at.

I’m just sad because to have a sister and go through these life events at the same time should be such a joyful thing. But instead it just makes me more and more uncomfortable every time. Do these things sound trivial or should I re-think this relationship?