Nearly 3 years of living in this spot and I can’t remember if he’s cleaned the damn thing once. He’s lied about cleaning it after cleaning litter boxes and I would literally hop in to shower and feel the nastiness still sitting there in a layer of slime and grossness. I went on strike and haven’t touched it and finally broke today.
Today I’m going out for live music and some reading at a local spot. I told myself I’d clean the litter boxes today so, before showering, I decided to dump em and scrub em in the shower. While sitting there, looking at the orange slime that has built up around the tub, I decided that I was finally done.
Cleaned the litter boxes, sprayed down the tub and walls and curtain, then hopped in and scrubbed the whole thing down before cleaning myself.
I rinsed brown/brackish water off of the walls multiple times. Scrubbed the orange slime away, and when I was done in the time I had it was STILL barely passable. It was sick. I can’t believe I’ve been showering in this mess all while begging and pleading for this grown ass man to just fucking HELP OUT with the nasty ass apartment we have together. The kicker? He gets mad at ME when I get upset about things š apparently not using your Super Special Big Boy Cleanup Time Voice and instead getting frustrated that a 28 year old man doesn’t help out more makes you an evil bitch who doesn’t understand how rude they are to people. Go figure.
Anyway. Im done. I don’t even think he realizes. I just continued getting ready and went along with my plans and walked out the door with barely a “see you later”. I was arguing with him silently in my head the rest of the time but didn’t even bother starting up for real because it genuinely was not worth ruining my night.
Anyway. I just needed to get this off my chest. There’s so much more I could rant about but having this feeling of being like “actually, screw this. Im done.” Is pretty liberating š
Comments
Yep. Get out of that.
What a devious exit.
If your not already familiar, google DARVO.
Good for you! The only thing worse than staying in a bad relationship is staying an extra day.
I feel you. Compromising on levels of cleanliness is something I will never tolerate again. It takes too much to make up the difference.
Absolutely be done. DTMFA (dump the MF already).
Mold Armor. Itās my secret weapon. GET IT! Trust me on this!
I’m sure he’ll be yet another, “She just left me out of no where!” too.
Good on you.
Prepare for the pity party, love bombing and potential anger when he realizes you are leaving. Do not take him back!
If he would have loved you he would have wanted you to be happy. You have told him over and over again that you were unhappy. You told him over and over again what he could do to change that. He choose not to pay any attention. Not to your words. Not to your unhappyness. It was not important to him.
Get your own place and enjoy being the only one who cleans it and the only one who makes it dirty. Its lovely. Trust me.
PLEASE follow through! I’ve been in your exact shoes and it was almost like he could sense when I was done. He’d turn into exactly what I needed for a little while so I’d think he’d finally changed. It was so weird, because I would never tell him explicitly he could just feel it, I guess.
Make a plan. Get out of there. The cycle will continue if you don’t break it.
Love this for you! šŖš»
Iād definitely feel disrespected if a partner knew something was important to me and continued to shirk it off especially lying about it and thinking Iām stupid enough to fall for it?! Not today Satan! šš»
PSā¦what would owning an animal or having children look like with this person? All the responsibilities, or at minimum, the ones he decides he doesnāt want to do, then fall on you. Nope!
Every time I see one of those “my boyfriend wonāt grow up” posts, a small part of me crosses my fingers and hopes it’s about my nephewās girlfriend finally waking up. Because wow, if thereās a poster child for man-children, itās him.
Heās 35 going on 13, works maybe six hours a week (on a good week), and is always “in school” for somethingā¦though weāve yet to see a single degree, certificate or completion. But hey, who needs diplomas when you can master the art of being a full-time victim of life? For the record, he’s not a victim and has lived a very nice life with two hard working parents.
While his girlfriend busts her butt working to pay rent and the bills, heās out here pondering the really important stuff like becoming polyamorous. Not, say, getting a second job or picking up a mop. No no, clearly what the household needs is another woman to be disappointed in him.
And somehow, inexplicably, women are into this guy. I donāt know what sorcery heās using, but it must be powerful enough to override the stench, because let me tell you this man does not believe in soap. Or shampoo. His “showers” last two minutes max, and his hair often comes out just as dry as his ambition. The laundry situation? Nonexistent. He just keeps wearing his filth until someone complains and voilĆ ! New clothes magically appear.
When heās not manipulating women or avoiding hygiene, heās glued to violent video games like itās his life’s calling. Phone, tablet, laptop you name it, heās playing it every available second!
And in case you were hoping heās at least nice? Nope. Just a sentient pile of skin and complaints, treating his amazing parents like theyāre the problem while they remind him to do super complex adult things likeā¦renew a driverās license or check the oil.
Truly, a modern-day prince. Disney should take notes.
So in the hope that this is Sarah, I support you!!
If not, I still will support you a 100% because your boyfriend is just using your time, energy, and kindness and abusing it!
Choose your mental and physical health! Kudos to you!
His getting upset and angry at you for getting upset with his lazy a$$ is pure MANIPULATION and many A-holes do the same sh!t in order to have their SO to do the full cleaning and other stuff….
Sorry about your relationship breakdown.
Side note, try using a magic eraser (melamine sponge) to clean dirty showers.
Cuts right through scale and slime with just a bit of elbow grease and water.
I can get the whole shower squeaky clean in 5 minutes with a fresh one.
Go. Go go go. This is going to be a tough life lesson for him OR heāll have to find some other sucker to raise him from here on out. In the meantime, you will have raised your standards and will meet someone way better.
Sounds like my ex lmao also ended our 6 year relationship š
Sounds like you think he’s objectively bad because he has different values than you. A lot of ADHD and otherwise neurodivergent people have difficulty with tidiness. Not saying that’s the case with him but like… it’s a dirty bathtub, not a deadly sin. He’s probably still living cleaner than most humans have ever lived. You’re incompatible, fine. Break up. I just don’t think you need to be this mad about it. And maybe reflect on the possibility that you really don’t understand how rude you are to people before your next relationship.
Enjoy a clean shower and one days soon please leave this lazy bloke to shower in his own filth eww
You put up with this for far too long
You go girl. Get yourself a real man š
I was in a very similar situation. Unfortunately it took way longer than it should have for me to leave. I began to think that I was the disgusting pig or at least we both were. I tried so hard to keep it clean and to keep up with him and his disgusting habits and never cleaning. I burnt out fast and just couldnāt do it anymore. He would get upset when I told him he does nothing and never cleans or helps. Act like I was overreacting when our house was filled with roaches and maggots in the sink. I left and I have never seen a roach in my home since. I never had before him and never will again. I guess he brought the roaches to his next partners place too. Good riddance. Please leave as soon as possible.
Fuck yeah!!!! I’m slow clapping over here for you and finding your inner bad ass bitch! Cuz you’re NOT his maid… you’re NOT his mama… YOU’RE DONE! I get it! I love this empowering moment you’re going through! Embrace this and gtfo of that nasty ass place! And don’t forget to straighten your crown when you leave his ass, all while he wonders what went wrong.
That moment of clarity is glorious, freeing experience.Ā
Good luck to you.Ā
Good for you, op! Proud of you.
There is no microwave in my home because I refuse to clean up others’ nasty messes that I’d only discover when I needed to microwave something. my partner insisted they weren’t responsible nor were our friends. It was gross, I was sick of it, so bye bye microwave. But a shower isn’t something you can rid yourself of to avoid the problem. You have to eliminate the problem to solve it for good.
Congratulations!!
follow throughĀ
This is the kind of thing that wonāt change and congratulations on figuring out the right thing to do. Itās the right choiceā¦
but are you really done tho…
Well, no matter how you look at it that relationship doesn’t sound healthy and as others have said it’s time to move on
That being said, are you saying you went 3 years without cleaning your shower because your partner was too lazy and apparently you were too stubborn? Why is it HIS responsibility to clean the shower? I’m not saying it’s YOUR responsibility either, but apparently, you decided that job was his. So what are YOUR jobs that you’re doing,(or not doing) since if you’re assigning household responsibilities, then they need to be distributed equally. And ultimately one of you just has to get the damn job done, but God awful Almighty 3 years without cleaning your shower?! I can even imagine how you get to that point?
Now I want to hear his side of the story.
And for the record my bathroom is clean. Ā Seriously once a week 30 -45 minutes max.
Why this post is bs.
Rather that communicate like an adult or enforce boundaries.
āHey you donāt clean up after yourself. Ā Iām breaking up with you. Ā Iām ALWAYS doing the cleaning.ā
You lived in filth yourself while arguing with him mentally over it. Ā
You are just as much of an architect of your own situation as he is.
Literal children playing passive aggressive games to see who can get to win.
The moment you went on āstrikeā. That was your cue to cut your losses and declare irreconcilable differences.
Jesus Christ children here. Ā Just children.
As someone who’s been that guy: leave, and let him know why. As weird as it sounds, it probably is the best you can do not only for yourself, but also for him. Some people just need that wake-up call.
So proud of you girlyš„°š„°š„°
I totally feel this. Some of the clearest emotional moments in my life have come during cleaning ā like my body gets it before my mind does.
I once sat on the bathroom floor scrubbing mildew and realized, āIām doing everything ā and Iām also the only one noticing.ā
After a big fight with my partner that almost ended our relationship, he told me something I didnāt expect:
He said, āYou think youāre doing everything, but thereās so much invisible work at home that we both do ā the kind that if itās not done, no one notices until it piles up.ā
So he proposed an experiment: weād each log our tasks in an Excel sheet for a few weeks, just to see what was really going on. At the end of each week, weād total it up, and if one of us was falling behind, theyād take on more chores over the weekend.
It changed everything.
Eventually, we moved to shared tools ā Apple Reminders, DuoDo App, Google Calendar ā so itās easier to track on our phones in real time.
We’ve turned housework from an endless, emotional fight into a shared, visible responsibility. Highly recommend.
šØ1 Google calendar and Excel screenshot
šØ2 DuoDo App screenshot
My ex is the same and heās in his 40s. Theyāll never change until they want to.