I constantly compare myself to another person , thinking i can never win anything like him !

So A little bit about myself. I am a 21 Year Old guy , recently graduated from Computer Science. I have ADHD and OCD (i think so).

The thing is in Tech Field there is a massive Job Crisis with the threat of AI taking Entry level jobs while simultaneously Companies want Experienced individuals for fresher Roles. There is one thing about Tech field that i have heard is that if you get to work on a Early stage startup the level of Knowledge and confidence you gain is Invaluable.

So During campus Placement, i was the only candidate among others who got Rejected while the other guy went on to become an AI Engineer at an Early Stage Startup. I then said to myself i will mange somehow , started learning industry skills based on current expectation and set a deadline of one year to win a job.

Now compared to that Guy i am not talented at all ; i learn things slowly While he just has to look at it once to figure out everything. During college days it did not bother me in the least why ? because i was not really confident/talented as a kid to begin with as throughout my life i have been outdone by many talented people it was nothing new to me to be at the bottom of the barrel. I believed at the time that everybody has their own learning phase , i would grind computer algorithms and concepts but then would later go on to forget the Concept itself and revise again but lately i do not think there is anything good going to come out in the future at all. While i am at home trying to learn fundamentals , he is already gaining practical experience in the field and rapidly advancing to become skilled.

1) companies want experienced person , talented people 2) In this Ai era , AI Engineer/ML engineer are in huge demand , even entry level AI engineers get paid really well , and even experienced Software developers are getting laid off at big tech like Microsoft, Meta. He is not only getting experience in Ai but I imagine he is also getting trained in Software engineering practices as well. if you have job related to Ai then you are invaluable individual in coming years.

Initially i had suicidal thoughts but One thing i wanted to do , was to work in Big Company one day to feel better about myself that at least i am contributing somewhere that makes an impact in everyone’s lives. I believed i can also be the one who can work at FAANG Companies but i feel like giving up now seeing the rapid advancement of AI and the talent required to survive in the Future. Life’s other Luxuries are well out of question a) such as dating the person you like , b) giving yourself sometime to relax, c) buying you favorite console and game but i guess only Good People are allowed to have that. These things were never really going to be in my life but i was a fool for at least hoping i could improve myself to be better at a Job. I imagine how inferior my life would be to that guys in upcoming years he would go on to become successful , have tons of money ,get married. i stay awake at night when these thoughts creep in, for the past whole month i have had less than 6 hours of sleep While in the morning i would practice my skills even then there is hardly any progress and today , i got my application rejected from a job offer hence this post.

I do not even know why i am even writing this post. Maybe to know what wrong with me ? i wish i could sleep and never wake up again.