It’s been a few years. A very toxic relationship, but I loved her still.
When we broke up in bad terms 3 years ago, I made sure to cut all contacts. She lied, she hid things from me, she ended our relationship for stupid reasons. It hurt too much, I didn’t want to talk to her anymore.
Yet she came back. Many times.Still with this fake ass guilty pity disguised as “empathy.” I told her from the beginning there would be nothing for me if we end it there. She didn’t listen.
From time to time she’d pop up in my dms, reminding me she was alive. I started to hate her, quickly the love turned into deep rooted hatred.
Today we crossed path. We live in the same city, but she’s way to much of a hermit recluse, so i wasn’t too afraid to see her, but I did.
She was still so beautiful, so discreet and nonchalant. So delicate. I remembered part of the reason i loved her.
I was anxious all afternoon, at work my colleagues noticed. I hate being so connected to her despite avoiding all contact.
I hate what you did to me. I hate that you were part of my life, and I hate the fact that I now want you gone.
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Your problem is that you haven’t officially moved on. You stopped the relationship and tried to move past but the love you shared remained. Love and hate are 2 sides of the same coin divided by the thinnest of lines. You gotta find another love to replace her. As my chief once told me, “find a girl that will suck the essence of the other girl out of you”. A little brash but we were military. Basically find another love, there is someone better out there fr
Did she see you?
Seeing her brought back a mix of painful memories and residual feelings, making it hard to move on.
If she tries to come towards asking for you back consider filing a restraining order, but yeah it’s clear you haven’t really 110% moved on from her.
Forgive her and forgive yourself. It’s the only way for you to move on fully.
I’m very sorry to hear this, having someone in your life you cared about and seeing them again is hard. The memories still sting, and sometimes as much as you want to hate them you know its just a coping mechanism to make it easier now that they are gone.
It hurts.
I understand the feeling 100%. I’ve been exactly in the same place you are. It may take a long time, but eventually time heals every wound. It’s a good sign that you could attach yourself this way. A lot of women would say it’s a great virtue. Try to move on in your own pace and meet other women. Eventually it comes to pass
This is interesting, i was thinking about this the other day.
I have the exact same issue.
A toxic love that can never seem to go away no matter what.
More interesting when it’s someone that hurt you more than should ever be experienced.
Mine went tits up in a gigantic traumatic ball of fire.
But had to cut ties and move on, try finish my studies etc.
Never really goes away.
I got married recently so I had moved on. But there’s always a pang when I see her in the street, in the back my mind all bloody day. Never often, but same city. Its bound to happen.
Its nice to know that it’s not just me
Familiar feeling these days
EMDR helped me. There was so much trauma and triggers and now…. Nothing. 🙂