First time posting on Reddit so bare with me. I (24F) have been saying my bf (25F) for about 3 years. It’s been amazing, I love him some much and it’s the healthiest relationship I’ve ever been in. Apart from one reason, every time I’ve met his friend group I’ve broken down into tears the instant I’m alone.
I’ve always had a feeling they’ve not really liked me or they’ve looked down on me a little. For instance, a couple of the girls commented that they were surprised that I was “actually hot” when they saw me dressed up for a rave. My bf told me this because i think he through they was being sweet but to be honest it kinda hurt my feelings that they only just thought i was attractive.
There have also been instances where one of them punched my hand repeatedly when asking for a high five- I froze because it’s was very unexpected and he didn’t stop punching my hand until my bf pulled him away;
I’m usually fine with rough housing jokes but this actually felt aggressive. Other examples include them calling me “emo” when we first started seeing each other (im not emo I just had a shorter haircut), ignoring me in conversations and excluding me from things.
I understand that my bfs friends aren’t my friends and it shouldn’t bother me- but it has started to affect my self esteem.
I feel embarrassed wearing clothes I once liked and started growing out my hair. My bf thinks I’m being anxious and has told me that they do like me but idk. The last straw came yesterday where one of his closest friends implied that he’d been talking about me with the guy who SA’d me. He said they’d spoken about me and this guy was telling people things about what happened. I haven’t told anyone what happened to me aside from my bf so I was really shocked because it was bought up randomly, and he refused to elaborate on what exactly had been said about me which made me start to spiral. I froze and took myself off to bed soon afterwards.
I’ve been crying for hours, hence the awful spelling and grammar, and have felt really lost. My bf tells me I’m overthinking it but I don’t think I am. I’m at a loss of what to do and I’m considering just skipping these parties in the future.
I apologise again for the layout of this post, I’m still crying and haven’t slept.
What should I do?
Comments
I suspect that your guy isn’t being entirely honest about them really liking you. Sometimes people aren’t honest, if they want to hang out with people, regardless of whether they get along.
Or maybe these people just have a rough, sharp-tongued way of interacting. Either way, if you don’t like hanging around with them… you can pass on hanging out with them. The fact that you don’t enjoy theircompany is reason enough.
Hey OP, I’m sorry for everything that I’ve read. All those things his friends are doing to you is bullying. They are doing it in a passive aggressive way to make you feel bad.
Even if you love your bf, reading your post makes it very clear that he won’t leave his friends for you, do you really want to be around those people that make you cry and anxious?
I’m sorry but I feel like your bf isn’t fully on your side…the fact that he doesn’t want to talk about what was said to the guy that SA’d you is a HUGE red flag and the friends that randomly talk about it? No f them. This is break up material, I’m sorry.
Probably your boyfriend is autistic, and those “friends” are abusive toxic (maybe even narcissist) people who take advantage of him.
The most important rule for being a man is to never accept disrespect, especially when it comes to your woman. I have removed friends and relatives from my life at the slightest disrespectful gesture or statement about my woman.
If he is not autistic, he doesn’t love you enough to care. He should cut off all ties with them. If he doesn’t understand how serious this is, you should break up and move on.