TW: mentions of SA
The title is pretty self explanatory. I was taken advantage of when i was a teen by my then “boyfriend” its a little hard to explain. I loved him and i thought i was ready to do the things he wanted us to do but i guess i wasnt? I usually didnt wanna do anything sexual with him but i just said ok since i kinda just was ok with him using me. Like, i was “okay” with him using my body for his pleasure, even though it didnt give me any and even though i though it was really gross and i felt like crap anytime we did something. I usually just laid there thinking “i just want this to end already”. I think it sort of messed with my head. Now anytime i try to pleasure myself i cry and it really sucks. I cry thinking that im a (sexist slur) for letting him do all that stuff to me especially at such a young age. (he was only a year older than me but we were both teens) Im not sure if its because of him but he probably played a role in it too. I wonder if its really that hard to ask for consent and check up on your partner. I just wanna jerk off without crying and feeling so bad for once