Throwaway. I don’t wanna use my main account for this.
I have been married for a year, i live in a third world country and I am 26 years old, as is my husband. I will start from the beginning, how I got to know my husband. The relationship between my father and my husband’s father is like brothers; they have been friends for a long time. I started to get to know my husband when we were young at school, and we both entered the same university. He was in the computer science department, and I was in the microbiology department.
I found out that my father told me, “There is a suitor who wants to marry you, he is a good person and the son of my friend. He will take care of you.” But the strange thing was that my husband also didn’t know about it. Anyway, I hated him at the time, but fate had it that we got engaged. It was basically a forced marriage that none of us agreed to.
I told my mom many times that i can’t stand looking at him and i find him extremely repulsive but she wouldn’t listen to me and kept insisting that he is a good guy who will take care of you. That our love and attraction will grow with time. Then we got married. We rented an apartment while my husband was completing the construction of his house.
Can you imagine what I was doing to make him hate me? I felt like I was dealing with a block of ice. I just couldn’t accept him as a husband. Our life together was a constant attack from my side and total submission from his. I insulted him and verbally abused him countless times. He knew I was repelled by him and his appearance, i remember in our first night he told me “you don’t have to worry, i won’t touch you”. When I was tired or sick, he would serve me and take care of me until I recovered.
My husband doesn’t go outside too much except when he is at work, he mostly stays in the house playing video games or watching TV. There were Some days where i would be calm and we would talk with each other or watch a movie together in the living room. I was actually surprised of how knowledgeable and smart he is, now i think about it, i actually enjoyed this time together. Then I started telling myself, “Well, he is a respectable person, and he treats you well Be content with him.” I began to improve how i treat him. But then, my feelings started to bother me again because of his appearance
One time, I was at a my friend’s wedding, and I saw my friends husbands, I became very upset and felt a great pain in my heart. I envied them because they had cool and attractive husbands. I returned home feeling distressed, and he was watching TV. He said, “How was rhe wedding ? Did you have fun ?” I didn’t respond, and he came after me and asked, ‘What’s wrong?’ I told him, “As long as your face is in front of me, I will never see happiness or peace.” I was speaking loudly. He left me, and this was probably the first time I felt guilty for abusing him.
The next day, he said to me, i don’t remember his exact words but it was something like this, “Honestly, I can’t continue like this anymore. I am just a human being with limited patience. My friends don’t like me, my siblings don’t respect me and my parents never cared about me. I never wanted this marriage, i don’t wanna get married ever again. They did not give a shit about me or my happiness, they only called me when they needed something, even in family matters they would rather seek my younger brother advice. I’m tired of all this shit. You don’t have to worry about being divorced. You are beautiful, and many men would want you, and i hope you will be able to marry someone you love. I’m sorry you got dragged into this.” He changed his clothes and left. That was the last time i saw him.
I went to my mother’s house after that and told her everything, they tried calling my husband but he never responded. I got my divorce paper about a week later.
It’s been 3 months now since i’m divorced. I deeply regret what I did to him, and from what i’ve heard, he went to another town and dropped his family, he never contacted them again. I really want to say sorry, i feel like this is all because of me.
Comments
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Well you are in a position where you didn’t choose, or at least felt like that. It would have been better to leave him. So I hope you learned from it. I would stay single for a time. You are less valuable in your culture now because you were already married and divorced. Never treat another human being with hate and disdain, just don’t do it. It eats at your soul, and you damage yourself too. There are women I know in your culture who rebelled and moved away…Do that. You harmed another person.
You regret abusing him because abuse is wrong, or because you realize it costed you a comfy life?
Definitely sounds more like the latter here
Womp womp
Well… I really hope he gets a happy ending
I hope he will find peace in his life, and hopefully someone who loves and cares about him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that. I’d like to say what I think of you, but I don’t want to get banned.
You were forced into marrying a man that you wanted nothing to do with. I feel for you in that regard.
I don’t however, very feel very sympathetic towards you, because you emotionally abused a person that never wronged you and actually tried to be as good for you as he could. He didn’t deserve being treated like that and you absolutely should feel guilty about it for a while.
You got what you wanted, you’re not married to this man anymore. He is definitely better off for it as well.
I hope you live the life you deserve and your ex find peace and happiness (with or without a partner).
Good for him, I dont think you were ever going to change while he was around. Man just wanted a friend.
Hot Take. OP you could have probably handled it better, but you clearly just had different values and ideas on living your life and it was doomed to fail anyway. Maybe he was completely happy and content sitting around watching TV and gaming, but given that he sees himself as a massive victim in his life, I suspect that he was depressed and escaping life. You shouldn’t have to bear that burden. Hopefully you can both grow from this and end up happier as a result.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
You came here hoping to prove you’re not the abuser, not the villain in your story — but the truth is, you are. Yes, we understand the pain of being forced into a marriage, and we empathize with that. But that pain doesn’t justify the way you treated your ex-husband. It doesn’t give you a free pass to inflict harm in return.
May you forever step on Legos barefoot.
I hope he lives his life to the fullest and is shown so much love that he doesn’t know what to do with himself, I hope he finds someone who treats him with integrity and respect because you didn’t.
I’m curious on why you chose to lash out at him instead of the people who put you in that position? At any point of your relationship, did you ever realize he was as much a victim as you were? This is just me postulating but you were so fixated in your situation that you refused to see that he was as much a victim as you were.
I’m happy you two met because it served as the catalyst for him to get up out of there from everyone that was mistreating him.
Hoping the worst for you ❤️
I feel like this is fake due to the grammar but the events seem real due to the nature of what’s happened and how arranged marriage works.
It’s a blessing in disguise for this guy.
He’ll be able to move on with his life. He’s cut out all the cancer.
Face determines your whole life
It does matter who the other person is. You treated him like shit. Good thing he got away from your toxic ass!
I’m glad he got away from you and his family.. I hope he found his feet and people that care about him. You were absolutely horrible, arranged marriage or not.
Have u apologised to him??
Good. He had the balls to make sure you both stopped being unhappy. You are a miserable person who wanted company in the misery and he was tired of it. All you had to do was say, “No” to your father and tell the guy that you didn’t like him let alone want to marry him. Now you’ve lost a good man and more importantly yourself.
You envied other men and women because you were too cowardly to just leave this one. Next time, save EVERYONE ELSE the misery and fix yourself first.
I see in this situation a lot of hope. First, you experienced a great loss, without which you would never have realized how wrong your actions were. Everyone has moments in life that they regret. But a lot of people never grow from them, or for some people, they are never put into a situation where their true deficits are seen.
Because of your experience, you now realize this and have an incredible opportunity in front of you to be the best person that you can be moving forward. If you ask for it, God can help make you into a loving person who will treat others with kindness and respect, and you will look back on a life well lived. God can also bless your ex-husband and he is capable of using all things for our good. Think of the story of Joseph:
https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-stories/the-bible-story-of-joseph.html
These stories tell us of promises that exist for our encouragement and hope, too.
Do not be discouraged, because there is so much potential here for good to happen through this! I speak as someone who also lost my best friend ten years ago due to my own failures. For a long period of time, I struggled with a desire to self-harm, because she never spoke to me again, but as hard as it was, it was a lesson I learned from. God can and does use all things for our good if we ask him to. I am in a very good place now, and I have faith that God is capable of healing her, too. Our failures give us a healthy measure of humility, and this is not a bad thing!
This shows that in arranged marriages the wife is not always the poor victim.
Are you guys indians??
If you have means of contacting him, you can send him an apology first. With appreciation to his good qualities. Be glad you weren’t married to someone who would have abused you.
Secondly, what do you want yourself? Do you want to continue being married to him? If so ask him if you guys can start over and have dates to actually get to each other. Otherwise just apologize and go on with your live.
You were forced into it against your will. It was not his fault though. You should find a way to apologize to him .
Dang are you an Indian lady because you sound like how my mom talked to my dad..
You’re tweaking. That’s all.
First of all, you are both victims of your parents for forcing you to marry each other.
But you became the victim who turned into an abuser of the other victim.
Now, live your own life.
If you’re in an African country, he will eventually contact his family, sooner or later. Don’t worry about it.
And yet you don’t say you tried to go find find him or track him down and follow through with what you said you wanted to do. Typing about is is just that. Words with no weight.
what a darwinian life we are put into. a few inches of bones determine everything.
I only think you should be pissed at the system and family members that pushed you two together. You’re not wrong for wanting a say in the kind of person you married, but you are wrong for the way you treated him.
At some point, you will hopefully learn that beauty is not just about appearance. A loving person who cares about you and wants only the best for you is the real beauty that comes from within. What do you get from a visually handsome man who cheats or abuses you? I hope he finds a great woman there who appreciates him for what he has to give. This woman will be grateful to you for pushing him away.
Holy damn what a sad story for that guy. I would totally be that guy’s friend. As for you, try to remember that people are human beings. You completely crushed that guy’s spirit.
One day he’s gonna be happy, moved on in life and doing what he loves and if you don’t at least apologize you are never gonna find peace.
It is, congrats.
How can you treat someone this way? He is a human being and he had as little control over the circumstances of your marriage as you did. The divorce was probably always going to happen but couldn’t you have treated him with kindness and respect as a friend?
You’re honestly not a nice person. He was very respectful of your boundaries and you treated him like shit along with everyone else. I know a forced marriage is awful, but jesus, to verbally abuse the man when he didn’t force you into it, your parents did.
i hope he finds peace and you reflect on being an adult
“I really want to say sorry, i feel like this is all because of me” – It’s not all because of you, but you played your part. You added to his misery when you could’ve been the one bright spot in his life. He deserves his peace so let him be, but It’s a good sign you’re showing regret. Hopefully you will learn from this and appreciate the good people in your life a little bit more.
All I can say is…. I hope you find the spouse you deserve.
He deserves all the happiness that Life has denied him so far. And you, you deserve a husband who treats you just exactly the same as you did him.
Let’s hope word gets around how miserable you are so no family tries to marry their son off to you.
It was a forced marriage, after all. No one deserves this! I can understand you. But he was in the same boat, he wasn’t the villain here. You treated him like that, because that was your only possibility to rebel against that system.
I hope you both find happiness in the future.
@ Reddit Pitchfork-Crowd
Maybe some of you would think different, when they would force you to marry someone you don’t want…
he deserves better than you and hopefully he finds it
I would prefer to be ugly on the outside than ugly on the inside. Beauty fades and then what are you left with?
This man deserves to be loved for exactly who he is, a thoroughly decent human being.
no one acknowledging the fact that she was a woman forced into an arranged marriage in a country that treats women even worse than the US does is rubbing me the wrong way.
yes, she treated him terribly and abused him and he deserves better 100%, but y’all are missing the incredible nuance of this situation. she was LUCKY that she got paired with a genuinely good man and he was unlucky in that he got a woman who was not subservient and deeply resentful of the fact that she didn’t get to choose the person she wanted to be with.
so while he deserves better and she was incredibly wrong, OP is not a complete villain. she learned a very valuable lesson tho and it seems she will be conscious of in the future.
Im sorry your culture is disrespectful in a manner to multiple parties. That you are forced to do what you truly do not wish for. But at the end of the day, you hurt this man. Deeply. To the point he wanted nothing to do with you OR THE FAMILY that abused him long before you came into the picture.
As sorry as you may feel, the biggest honor you can give, is peace. Do not contact him again. I dont think your apology will mean much to him.
I hope he finds peace and that genuine love finds him.
Good for him for standing up for himself. I hope he finds someone who’s not a garbage person and constantly treats him like shit, he doesn’t deserve that. You however, you deserve to be alone forever.
I mean you were rude to him. But ultimately forcing you into a marriage you didnt want was your parents fault. If they knew all along you didnt want to marry him then wasting your time and his was actually their fault. They got what they deserved after your divorce. I really respect your ex husband and hope he does find someone that loves him truly and will stick by him. As for you please try to figure out the kind of man you want to marry and be careful of divorcee cause –
In 3rd world countries divorces dont happen so easily, so before remarrying understand the reason for his failed marriage.
As for your ex husband- i think the loss is done. You can just move on now and learn to treat every human with respect.
OP, you will never make it better. You someone who was in the same boat as him treated him as beneath you. He treated you with respect and care. And what did he get? This shit. He may have been outwardly unattractive but you? Yeah it’s only a matter of time till the outside matches the inside. You literally became his family and then became his “Family”.
I pray he gets a better life. And you, I hope you learn from this.
usually not the type of person to say this but
womp womp
This marriage was forced on him too girl…
He sounds like a type of nice introverted man who is also smart. He deserves way better. I hope he also finds what he desires. And you should be ashamed for your behavior to be honest.
Damn… I don’t have much more to say other than I hope someone will see the value in him and treat him as such. I’m glad he respected himself enough to leave you in the end. If neither of you wanted the marriage you could have at least been civil and tried to understand he’s a person with emotions too. That would have been enough to break me and your ex is a much stronger man than me. Dude sounds like he needs a hug but all he got was a kick in the teeth from everyone in his life.
> I really want to say sorry, i feel like this is all because of me.
No. It’s because of your abominable families. You were both forced into it.
Now he can go have the peace and happiness he deserves and you can drown in regret and hopefully learn to not be an asshole to whoever ends up with you. Leave your ex husband alone, you’ve done more than enough to him
Oh you poor victim. My heart bleeds for you. This must’ve been so tough for you to admit to yourself. /s
Glad he finally stuck up for himself and walked away from all those people – OP included.
Really hope OP takes this lesson in and figures out how to direct her frustrations to where they belong.
You’re not sorry. I bet you wouldn’t take him back. And if you did you’d treat him the same shortly after.
I don’t see how people don’t get it. If you can’t find it in your heart to be nice. You can at least find it in your heart to not be mean.
i wish him a happy life and hopefully people that love and value him and i wish…something different for you!
Regret don’t erase what you did. Humans are really deep complicated creatures. You abused him with so arrogance and you don’t have the strength to face your parents and tell them from the start you don’t want to marry him?
Do you have remorse or regret?
No offense but this doesn’t sound like remorse. Just useless regret.
Look. It was an arranged marriage that NEITHER of you had any agency in. You deserve someone you Actually Want To Be With. And he deserves someone who actually wants to be with him.
If you can apologize for how you’ve treated him, do it, because he didn’t deserve that. But you also don’t deserve forcing yourself to stay in a marriage you didn’t choose with someone you don’t even know.
OP is a terrible person. There’s no doubt about that.