I did it! I got out of my first ever emotionally damaging relationship which also happened to be my first ever relationship. Granted, it only lasted a couple of months.
In the beginning, I was dazed by the gifts, compliments, how much he liked me and wanted to be with me. He’d tell me he couldn’t wait for the day I moved in with him because he’d finally found the one.
As soon as we made things official, things changed. He started belittling me and making fun of me for being on anti anxiety meds, starting using highly inappropriate slurs which he knew set me off even though I said this was a deal breaker and tried to set a boundary, he’d drive recklessly in the car with me even though I told him it made me feel unsafe, he’d laugh when I’d cry and say things like “go home then” or “fine, be miserable”. I remember apologizing for all of these for overreacting or being too emotional because I did actually feel like it was my fault.
The tipping point was when I sent him a spicy photo and forgot to put invisible ink on it and he said “wtf, get that off my screen” I immediately apologized and recognized my mistake, but also pointed out that his words were quite hurtful and made me feel like he didn’t appreciate it. He ended up ignoring me for close to 24 hours because I messed up while I was desperately trying to make amends.
After I broke up with him he sent me this message saying how I am so wonderful, kind, and such a good friend, daughter, and sister and that he is also an incredibly great person. Then he sent me a disgusting message on instagram just a few hours after I unfollowed him, it was a meme that said “the guy I lost my virginity to once forced me to say the N word by threatening to run a red light if I didn’t” Like, yikes?!?!
I know these things don’t seem that bad and I know it could have been far worse, but for this being my first ever relationship I’m proud of myself for recognizing these signs.
TLDR: ended my first ever relationship which was unfortunately abusive. I saw the signs and made the right call. My decision was solidified when he sent me an incredibly inappropriate DM a few hours later.