I made a reddit account especially for this so I hope it still comes through even if I don’t have the required karma. About half a year ago I did something horrible and it took me a while to realize it was actually wrong.
See,last year I met a new friend online. After some time of speaking together they were asking me if I wanted to join a server they made and I said “Sure,why not”,not realizing this would be my biggest mistake. See,I was depressed and I still am but at that time I didn’t have any friends but that clearly doesn’t excuse what I did. So,I joined the server and had some fun moments but after a while I realized that the person did stuff I wasn’t a big fan of. Since almost everyone on the server was like a friend of his I went ahead and texted one privately. I told them what upset me and they agreed with the same stuff and told me that a lot of people in that server felt that way. So,they made a new secret group with us and other people from the server that I barely knew and we gossiped a bit. We did that for a bit but then I just went on that person’s account like normally but this time I didn’t see anything usual. It was something else,they posted inappropriate photos of themselves if you know what I mean. Shocked by that,I immediately reached out the group and asked them what the hell this was. See,we were all 14 at that point even the person who was posting that included so I also told them that isn’t okay and we need to report that since that person obviously was too young to be posting that. They also did report it and it got taken down,but here comes the twist. They made fun of it afterwards and made weird comments. The stupid one I was just laughed with them because I was unsure of what to do. See,at that time I didn’t know that they actually weren’t good people. They also immediately pinned and saved that photo which kind of made me wonder why. Turns out they probably wanted to expose that person but I immediately told them not to. Also,I’ve been doing all this behind the persons back and I just feel so guilty I can’t even explain how I feel. Worst part: 2 of these people were that person’s exes and that person didn’t even want me to talk to one of them. Like one of the friends just added that ex for no reason,and I didn’t even really knew that they were exes. I only thought they were close friends from that person that they cut off previously. Only now I realized how wrong that actually was and I reached out to one of the people but they didn’t show that much remorse. They just told me what someone doesn’t know can’t hurt them and that they don’t feel regret. I feel regret,though. I wonder what that person would think if they found out about it since we also were friends and pretty close. I shouldn’t have done that stuff behind someone’s back and I hate myself. Yesterday I blocked everyone and left the servers because I can’t live with the guilt. I hate myself for making fun of someone behind their back and being that way. I even feel suicidal over it. I deserve it,honestly. I did something unforgivable and I don’t deserve to feel good.
Comments
don’t feel suicidal, just don’t come back to the servers and you will feel free
You were an asshole, but it sounds like you’re very young and these experiences shape you. Two questions to ask yourself from here is; how can I learn from this experience and not repeat these mistakes, and is there anything I can do to help mend the situation that’s happening. Maybe you could say you’re sorry to the person you feel guilty about hurting. Either way as long as you grow to become a better person you shouldn’t hate yourself too much. Just learn from this, it’s a part of the human experience.
See first of all they did it and yeah u should risk detereoting ur self
Ik its something u did knwing that whatbcould hv hapoen
U need not feel depressdd ppl are like this and yeah i can understand u vut u should be like syicidal and should try getting out of depression see after this whenever u jkin some grouo be careful
This will blow over. The feeling will die down. You are ok.
Please, please forgive yourself. You said you were 14 at the time. I do not recommend reaching out and apologize; that is you looking to feel better and it can possible open a can of worms that will ultimately make you feel worse. Everyone says things they regret later. It is just part of growing and living and learning. I am much older but when I feel regret or embarrassment about something my younger self did, I ask myself, “Would I hold this against 14 year old me?” and at 33, the answer is no. Just be better in the present and future. Remember how terrible it felt to participate and don’t make the same mistake. Forgive yourself before it festers into something worse.