i dislike my father but he isn’t a bad person. does that make me ungrateful?

this is my first time confiding within the internet so please be patient with me.

16F – small heads up: i’m pretty confident this isn’t me being a hormonal teen.

my father (45M) isn’t a bad person. he provides for me financially, he offers to hang out with me, and if i need him he’s there to listen, but still i would never tell him anything.

i feel so unjustly uncomfortable around my father, and i haven’t felt loved by him for a while. (though i can’t recall the last time i did.) every suicide attempt i have ever made was due to my father, and every time i harmed myself was because of him. i won’t say that my father is the route of all of my problems, and i won’t blame him either because he’s trying his hardest and he has his own problems just like anyone else. in fact i can’t really pinpoint what i hate about him, nor can i remember what he’s done that made me upset, but i haven’t done anything to myself because of anyone except for him.

i’ve been ready to leave and never talk to my family again for a long while now, and i don’t wish to mend my negative relationship with my father. i understand that a lot of teens want to go into the world once they grow up and won’t return to their parents for a couple years and i’ve done some research about it but i can’t help but think that won’t be the case for me. for the longest part of my life i have had trouble leaving things behind until i decided that i’d just prefer to let go. everything i dislike about myself i change. if my life is hard, i find out how to make it easier. i’ve learned to become confident in my decisions but despite that i still have this lingering feeling that i’m being ungrateful.

i know that there are people who don’t have the chance to resolve things with their parents for various reasons which makes me feel like i should, but i just don’t want to. i find myself at more peace imagining a future where i don’t have to contact him ever again rather than a future with any other outcome, (even a positive one) but i don’t want to be ignorant to this option while i have it.

if you have any questions that would provide me with a better answer please ask them.

TL;DR; : my father is not a bad person yet most if not all of my pain comes from being around him and my family. i want to cut off connections with him when i move out but don’t know if that’s the best choice.