I wake up to go to work at 7ish in the morning. Take an hour to get ready. And an hour to get to work. And do a 9-5 job as an accountant. I’m home by 6pm after this. literally don’t have the will or energy to clean or cook after this. Some rare days I force myself to cook. If there are dirty dishes my husband will wash them. He also goes to work around the same time I do. And comes home and studies too. Most days one of us might cook rice in a rice cooker, so basically just washing it and switching the cooker on, and eat it with a can of tuna. Most days it’s not husband who does this too. Anyway the rest of the house is so messy and yuck. But I really really really don’t have it in me to clean. I am also foreigner in Uk, so after l’m home I find myself reaching to call people back home and might spend a few hours talking. Most days I won’t catch anyone. So l’ll just scroll on TikTok or something. I wish I could just be motivated to clean.
And cook. But I literally can’t. I also find myself just doomscrolling alone on the sofa till like 1 or 2am. I can’t seem to start getting ready for bed earlier too. I dunno if I’m just really slow or what takes me more like 40 mins to get ready for bed too.
I feel like something is really wrong with me. And wish all of this came naturally to me 🙁
Comments
Your married.
I would sit with your partner. Be honest that you want to be able to have mental space for these things which are hard and tiresome.
Find a way together to make it fun and exciting. For example, I cook better and make more effort if I know it’s something my partner likes. But I’d probably just eat scrambled eggs or toast if left on my own.
Make it like play time, put fun music on, change the vibe or conversation.
I’m adhd, and I hate doing basically anything adult like. Unless it’s spending money and going on holidays. (That’s where the dopamine is)
So I play music everywhere for everything. Everything has a mood. Hate cleaning. Put sad music on, in five minutes you’re laughing at how ridiculous you’re being.
If you’re bored of meals you make all the time. Spend 30 minutes with your partner and find yum new recipes. Look for quick and easy, things you don’t have to have in the oven for three hours.
Try meal prepping. Big cook on Sunday when your relaxed and have time and don’t have work.
You can make a big pot of soup, and roast something. Pack away in fridge or freezer.
Cook fresh rice. As you normally do.
So try smoking duck or fish in the wok / oven. Then portion it out into containers.
You can steal any veg in a microwave with a container and a lid and a splash of water. Add some butter or soy afterwards.
But your favourite chilli / soy seas dressing.
I always have a jar of toasted sesame seeds, nuts, seeds, shichimi, dry sheets of nori, fried shallots,
All of that on tuna and rice just makes it feel better and special.
Poached some Chicken.
Cook while you call your friends and family. Like back in the old days.
Sometimes I put my phone somewhere to rest. And we video call but often we are never looking at the phone. I call overseas and it’s always my morning their night. Or the opposite.
Don’t doomscrolling delete the app now. Instead change it for a book or new cooking recipes.
Whenever I’m bored or cooking I always go back to cooking an old favourite of when I was young. Often my mums or grandmas recipe. It makes me feel safe and better. And I have more ease doing something the next day.
I’ve found whenever I’m in a bad habit pattern, it’s much easier for me to make a teenie tiny baby step than to try and reinvent myself or set high expectations that I’ll just fail. Start small and slowly add more changes as you go. Ask yourself “What’s just 1% more of what I’m doing”? So maybe switch tuna for store-bought cooked chicken one day. After a few weeks, add a vegetable. Now you can switch the rice for a pasta! Or, even easier, a premade salad mix! Slowly you’ll find yourself with more options that don’t seem that much more difficult than you were doing before.
The 1% cleaning is putting a single item away or just moving it closer to its final home. Then upgrade to wiping something down, a single corner or space. Sometimes once I start cleaning I can’t stop haha the hardest part is beginning.
Also, start slowly limiting your social media time. I have no self control so my boyfriend had to make a password that locks me out of certain apps. Just knock off five minutes at a time until you get to what you consider a healthier amount.
Keep the faith. Don’t let yourself believe that something is wrong with you or that will become your excuse. “I’m going through a hard time right now but I want to change and I’m capable of changing. It might take me a while, but I will be patient and kind with myself.”
When you feel like garbage, you need to be full on resting, or doing stuff even though you feel like garbage. Scrolling and doing nothing, while not full on resting, is the worst of all worlds. It’s wasting time and energy.
Be fully engaged in whatever you’re doing. If you need to rest, that’s fine. But don’t let yourself get in the bad habit of not resting but not doing, stuck in nowhere land.
For the cooking, when i start losing motivation, I get a hello fresh meal box (I’m sure there is something similar in your country). Something about trying something new helps get me back on track.
You’re exhausted from staying up too late.
Seriously if you can afford it get a full blood panel and check your vitamin levels, I was left feeling depressed, gripping anxiety, and worst of all had zero motivation. I found out was extremely depleted of vitamin D3, hormone leveled in the gutter. Since then I’ve upped my vitamin routine to about 8-10 different vitamins. People think I’m a little crazy but at nearly 40, I feel like I’m back at 20, Rebuilt my diet eating, fast part of the day, eat simple whole foods, fruit, vegetables, organic chicken, beef, fish. My energy levels are through the roof. If you eat a lot of tuna regularly you should get mercury checked as well. To conquer motivation just start with one small area, plays some good music and just start with little things picking up laundry, piece of trash, a used cup. Once you start it gets easier. Some days you’ll do a lot, some days not much and that’s okay.