Tldr: should i leave my bf who keeps ignoring me when i raise concerns to him
Hi. I have no one to talk to about this because I have no friends other than my bf. I (21F) am considering breaking up with my bf (22M). We have officially been together for 3 months but weve been dating for 2 yrs already (sorry if this is confusing, we decided to put off adding label because we are both not yet ready with the responsibilities associated with it such as having celebrations monthly and being legally accepted by both our parents). We are slowly working on those things tho, now that we are officially.
Enough with the backstory, I love him and we are actually okay however, everytime we fight he gets mad and i am always the one initiating fixing things. Im the one who always call, making efforts to settle things and fix things by talking and by listening to each others side etc. and he is just there blocking me in all of my accounts. Literally, IGNORING ME.
This happens literally every month lol. And its already affecting me. However, there are time where i think i am thr problem and that i should adjust and just not make him made so our relationship remain okay. My questions is, am i the one being toxic here? Or i just dont have the guts to leave?
P.s. another issue i got us that he doesnt give advices whenever i rant something about my problems, like he just react but does not give encouraging words, to which i expect from him. He’s also a good provider (financially), but sometimes im looking for something else because i live quality time more and i want him to be clingy
P.p.s we are in an ldr relationship but we dont call or text often
Comments
Why would you celebrate monthly?
I think the only one who can tell you what to do here is you
How does he feel about this dynamic? Is he interested in working on this with you?
You’re each half the problem, it’s always the case, so you have to fix it together.
When he pulls away, do you feel anxious?
This is not love. Push and pull, back and forth. An emotional rollercoaster ride where the only one enjoying this is your boyfriend.
I can tell you what would probably happen if you don’t leave:
The ignoring and blocking is called silent treatment. It’s ok to step away after an argument to cool off. The healthy way to do this is to come back hours or a day later and talk about it calmly, looking for a resolution together. If he needed more alone time, the proper thing to do is to let you know, which he is not doing. He wants you to suffer. This will get worse.
A good partner should be your biggest fan and listener. He’s not that. He seems too preoccupied with himself to concern himself about your problems.
He will eventually leave you for another girl. And he will blame you for it. This doesn’t mean it’s all your fault. He needed an excuse, and he will use the monthly fights as a reason to leave, instead of a reason to work it out, which he has not tried to do.
4. He ain’t shit. By staying, you close the door of opportunity to find someone who won’t treat you this way. By staying, you will eventually walk on eggshells around him, scared to make him mad, and feeling awful about yourself because he made you think you are responsible for the relationship. No, you are not, you both are, and he is clearly checked out.
5. Again, he ain’t shit.