I don’t know how to keep going through life knowing that I’ll probably never find love.

I’m 28 and never been in a relationship before. I’ve never had sex with anyone either, let alone kissed someone. I feel extremely embarrassed by this.

I’m really shy and awkward. I don’t know how to socialize or talk to people. I’m open to trying, but I don’t know what to talk about. There have been times at work where I’ve been dealing with a customer who tries to make small talk. I would say something in response and immediately get the vibe that they didn’t like what I said, even though I’m trying to be sincere and nice. I guess I’m just not a likable person, or maybe it’s my demeanor? I don’t know.

The other night, I was also walking around with my head held up high. Lately, I’ve been trying not to slouch so much and keep my head down, or look down at my phone all the time for that matter. Some coworker looked at me and said, sarcastically, “man…you look really happy to be here.” I wasn’t trying to look pissed off or depressed! I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me.

I just get the vibe that people generally don’t like me, and that women especially find me to be repulsive. I get it…women are repulsed by unconfident men. I’m not attractive, so I’m not attracting women that way either. I just don’t know how to get out of being like this. My “hobbies” are really dumb like playing video games. I also recently got into collecting games for my Nintendo Switch, but is that something to really talk about? Nope.

I do have a Bachelor’s degree in computer science, but I’m not talking about that with anyone since I kind of became a failure regarding that.

I don’t know anymore. I won’t even go into how I look. I don’t think I’m ugly, but I do have unattractive qualities about myself. I think we all think that way about ourselves in some capacity. I’ve learned to accept the way I look and improve the qualities that I can control. But I just wish I could be more confident, sociable, and an all-around likable person. I eventually want to meet someone, experience love, and not be so alone anymore. However, it gets to a point where I’m thinking that I’m stuck this way and that I’ll always be alone. How is that a life worth living?