I’m 27, and I’ve spent my whole life being the one people forget.
When I was a kid, my parents divorced, and neither wanted custody. I bounced between relatives who sighed when I walked in. In school, I was the quiet girl no one picked for group projects. Teachers forgot my name. Friends forgot my birthday.
Then came Jake. He was the first person who made me feel seen. We dated for three years. I thought he loved me until I found out he was engaged to someone else the whole time. His exact words? “I didn’t think you’d care this much.”
After that, I tried to be “cool.” The girl who didn’t need love. I laughed when friends canceled plans. I told myself I was “independent.”
But last week, my roommate (my only real friend) moved out to live with her boyfriend. She hugged me and said, “You’ll be fine—you always are.” That’s the thing. I’m not fine. I’m so tired of being the one who’s “strong.” The one no one worries about. The one who’s just… there.
I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know if I can.
Comments
You’re not invisible here, I saw you, I read every word, and I felt it… and maybe being “the strong one” means you’ve survived more, not that you should carry it all alone.
I’m the exact same, always been. “You’ll be okay, you always are.” These words became the biggest itch with time. I understand and see you.
Maybe hit me up, it would be great to talk sometimes!
The one that no one chooses? I would find it extremely difficult to believe if you couldn’t pick any man you wanted. So to speak. You’re gorgeous. And I bet you’re a great person as well.
But I feel for you for your childhood, that must’ve been rough. I’m sorry you had to experience that.
Be yourself, you’re young, things will get better. Invest in yourself. Do things that make you happy and better yet if they improve you, I mean, get skilled, whatever that may be. Enjoy life
Wish you all the best : )
decide what is important todecide what is important to you personally. what are the parameters of interaction with society and the environment. this can take some time, maybe years. i had an unsuccessful marriage, because i got married quite young and immature, i made a lot of mistakes, but it helped me understand what exactly i want in a relationship and what i don’t want to do. there is a concept that everything that doesn’t happen is right, all events, all meetings and partings, everything is good and everything is right. it’s just a way
I’m so sorry this has happened to you. I was never picked for stuff either, I don’t get invited anywhere and even my daughters friends never invite her over it’s always us inviting them, never the other way around. Life can be a very lonely place. I don’t have any advice how to fix it, other than reaching out to people, but then it feels like why bother if they never reach out either. Try to have regular catch ups with your roommate, even if it’s once a month, just so you have someone! Sending hugs x
No i get , there are people that are very loud, whenever they have a minor inconvenience suddenly makes it everyone’s problem, always asking for more. I could never be that person. I would rather be the quiet person who nobody knows anything about. Than to be the open book.
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy.
Hey OP!
First of all I want to say that what you feel is valid and not uncommon.
You’ve had a series of events that have shaped you and led you to feel the way you do and perhaps created a narrative that you couldn’t ask to be chosen.
It sounds like you’ve done a lot of pushing your feelings down and presenting yourself in a way that saved you from being hurt but ultimately may have led others to believe things of you that aren’t true (always being fine, being independent).
Have you ever asked someone to chose you or expressed desire to be chosen or put yourself first in front of others? Do you choose yourself?
The way we treat and talk about ourselves in front of others affects how they see you. If you’re presenting a version that is easy-going and independent, that’s what people will think of you.
My advice is to choose yourself, show that you deserve to be chosen (because you do!) and others will follow, if they don’t, they’re not looking to see the real you and you’re better off without them.
My life (as a guy) has been pretty similar so far. Born ugly, raised by antisocial parents, had to switch schools, haven’t had a close friend in years, was always treated as the worst one in the group. I think I might just buy a hut in the middle of the woods and shoot all unwanted guests.
I can say that I understand you. We are in the same situation and what helps me the most is to think that tomorrow everything will change.
I don’t like to force anything, you just have to be positive.
You should learn how to love yourself. You have to focus on yourself rather than other people.Your value is not endowed by others but you. You don’t have to care too much about whether others love you or not. You would better improve yourself and create the value.When you are strong enough, you would be confident and not care those questions
We attract what we learn as love when we are kids; and you learned that your presence in your parents’ lives wasn’t a priority. Please do your best to unlearn that pattern. Professional counseling will help.
ehi girl! im 17 but i send you a very big virtual hug from italy. i’m also stuck in this loop
awwwww….this felt so sad to read….❤️❤️❤️all my love is here in this comment for you to hold and know that even if I don’t know you I want you to know thtu aren’t the only one stuck feeling like this. I feel like this too almost constantly. it’s a vicious cycle of thought and it almost always leads to self depreciation. It’s okhay. Just know that this is not your identity. You are better than this. Virtual hugs