This is a difficult post for me and on a burner account (sort of). It’s also a bit long. The My wife and I started dating in high school and have been married almost 30 years. We have kids ranging from their mid 20s to almost teenagers. I spent 20 years in the military during our marriage and as far as I can tell, both of us were faithful during that time. When our last child was born (and our only daughter) I was in heaven and my wife seemed very happy at first.unfortunately, she slipped into postpartum depression so severely she had to be repeatedly hospitalized for her safety. That was about 13 years ago and things have never been the same since. I feel as if my wife died that year and I am left caring for her empty shell. Sex is maybe once a year? Typically less. She seldom leaves the bed (has a dr, psychiatrist, a psychologist , and plenty of meds), rarely helps with the kids or the house and typically acts as though I don’t exist other than to get things for her. I travel a lot for work and she frequently does little for the kids beyond telling them to make a frozen pizza or macaroni because she’s too overwhelmed. I hate how she stays in bed and ignores our children. If she just ignored me, I could probably handle it. My big problem right now
Is two fold. Because we have been married for so long, any divorce would be incredibly expensive/painful for me (I have become very successful over the past 8 years) and there is the hang up I have that I still care about her and feel responsible for her. To me, it’s as if I have a terminally or mentally ill child who needs me. However, I am incredibly miserable. I am effectively an only parent, the sole provider (she hasn’t worked in over 20 years) and am at my breaking point trying to care for her and our kids while working full time and caring for all of the house (it’s a big house and property). She is no longer interested in anything and I have started to travel alone. Here’s the hardest thing. I met someone. Someone amazing. This woman is effectively my female counterpart. She knows what it’s like to feel unloved, like a robot, as a pocketbook and single(yet married parent). I’m not ashamed to admit that she is also incredible when it comes to intimacy and I am deeply in love with her. This affair has been going on for almost a year and she recently divorced her husband. I want to be free to be with her and take a chance at being happy for the first time in over a decade, but I have no idea how to bring this up /begin the divorce process with a wife who in all reality isn’t going to be able to provide or care for herself on her own, let alone share custody of our kids. I feel like a selfish ass, but I have been nearly suicidal at times feeling so trapped and unhappy in my marriage. If you’ve read this far, thank you, bless you and for the love of all that’s holy, does anyone have any advice???? Please? I don’t want to hurt my current wife more than this will, and I can’t stand the idea of hurting the woman I’ve fallen for and to ybe honest, I won’t survive another decade in the lonely hell I’ve been in with my current wife ( not trying to be dramatic, but I am being honest). Thanks for reading all.