My bf [20m] and I [20f] have been dating 7 months (including a brief one month break). We met at a college event and we clicked instantly. It was like love at first sight for me. We live 2 1/2 hours away, so when we aren’t at school, we almost barely see each other. So, we text all the time and call almost every night. Here’s the thing: I knew I was in love with him months ago, but I never said it. That is what is making what I’m feeling hurt so much more. To put it simply, I’ve just lost the passion and don’t know if I really feel the spark anymore. We’re on a trip together right now and last night, once everyone else was in their rooms, we were making out, and I just felt overwhelmed. I can’t figure out why, but I think this plays a lot into it. The thing I was considering was maybe I’m just anxious and everything is just getting to my head, which is causing me to not feel the same towards him anymore. Once I took note that I felt this way, my head of course went straight to breaking up with him, but I don’t want to make a big mistake and lose him. We have almost every class together next semester.
TLDR: I don’t feel the spark anymore. I don’t know if I really feel that way or if it’s just anxiety. What do I do?
Comments
That sinking feeling is a warning that your passion might be burning out, and ignoring it will only make heartbreak messier later. Be brave enough to slow down, have an honest talk with him, and decide if this love can be reignited or if it’s time to walk away before resentment takes its place.
Hey, been there too.
It could be that – due to responsibilities and the fact you live apart; the connection you guys once shared diminished, you know? It’s real when they say the spark fades- because it does. And what usually follows is steady love and commitment.
But – and this is really important: you nurture that spark first. Sometimes chatting or kissing or being physical isn’t enough. Connection – real ones – are fostered over long talks, mutual understanding, and comfortable silences, and presence.
Now you may live apart, go to different classes, have different social circles – but are you present in each others lives?
In my opinion, reflect first before doing anything else. You said you had a break – ask yourself again, why? Red flags? Unresolved arguments?
Sad as it is- people rarely change so quickly. And if you don’t work through these kinds of things this will quickly become a cycle of empty “I’m sorry, I won’t do it again”, from you or them.
In any case – you’re 20. That’s so so young. Do not stay in a relationship that feels heavy when it should be comfortable; especially if you talk and talk and talk but do nothing about what you both need from one another.
There are plenty more years. Plenty more people to meet.
Can you imagine your whole life being vulnerable to this person?
Sharing a life with them?
Living with them?
Witnessing them through a thousand different versions of them?
Can you keep forgiving them? Yourself?
Can you see them doing the same for you?