hi everyone, just needed to get something off my chest. would appreciate any advice or if anyone can relate, lmk.
i’m currently in my early 20s working a corporate job. don’t really have any hobbies or any friends. i have a caring family, but my parents are immigrants and it often feels like their values don’t align with mine. because of this, i’ve always felt misunderstood around them and like i couldn’t really open up about anything. i was also really excited to move out and don’t think i can go more than a week at their house without being incredibly annoyed as they will keep pointing things out about me or getting on my ass about something. as for friends, i had a friend group for about 9 years in grade school but as the years progressed, many of these people started showing their true colors: weren’t happy for my successes, never supported me, never there for me when i needed, and honestly didn’t really care. we were all just “friends” for show – just to go to prom and not eat lunch alone. but deep down no one cared except my one best friend who i felt like i could really open up to. but as of late, she has started ignoring my texts. we also live in different cities now – and whenever i am there and text her to meet up, she makes some type of excuse or pretends like she didn’t see the text and will text me back super late. she also seems uncomfortable by the idea of catching up over the phone every once in a while. there’s only so many chances i can give her – i have honestly accepted that she doesn’t really care about having anything more than a texting friendship with me. that’s fine i guess – just i want more, so i can’t continue being her friend.
i have a corporate job currently that pays very well – and i’m super thankful for this. i know there are people in the world who don’t have food to eat or running water, and i know this is a blessing. however, working an office job does feel meaningless at times, as if everything in my life kind of revolves around it. there’s also lots of fake interaction and shmoozing, and the whole environment just feels inauthentic. people being fake nice to you just to get help, people taking advantage of me, not giving me credit for the work i’ve done, etc. i really do feel like i’m trading my soul for the paycheck. i know people in that environment see me as sort of weird and awkward – i’m an introvert and don’t fit in with all the corporate jargon. it’s really taking a toll on me. also, i remember asking my manager for time to take a vacation last year and she made such a big deal about how hard it would be to get coverage, etc. while i was gone – like damn, can i not take a damn break ever to do what i want? pto is literally part of my compensation. i just don’t understand or respect why people think their inconsequential corporate job is literally the deepest thing in the world and have this strange false sense of urgency about everything. the world won’t collapse if i’m not here to send a PDF, deborah.
what little time i have outside of my job on weekdays and weekends are often spent catching up on chores or going to the gym or cooking. as far as hobbies, i’ve tried a lot of different things over the years, but there’s nothing that truly excites me. i just don’t feel any excitement thinking about random running clubs, hiking, really anythng. hobbies just feel so pointless because they never feel like they’re getting me anywhere and i get bored so easily. as far as dating and relationships, i’ve tried going on dates, but don’t really seem to click with anyone. i have had men emotionally manipulate me, love bomb me, etc., only to completely drop me without batting an eye after making me believe they cared – all they cared about were their selfish needs. it has led to major trust issues and it is very difficult for me to put myself out there for any man or anyone really because of how many times i’ve cared and trusted people, only for them to turn around and screw me over in the worst way possible. i’m tired of caring for people and putting my heart on the line. i also look at married people with kids with a house and genuinely don’t think i want that. i don’t want my whole life to revolve around a child tbh – and i don’t want more responsibility when i can barely care for myself. and with a house – I’m not sure if i can see myself staying in any one place for the rest of my life. i just don’t want this “traditional lifestyle” and all these metrics of success (career, kids, house, married, etc.) don’t mean anything to me at all. i don’t want it. i don’t care
a lot of times i don’t know what i’m truly living for anymore. people are mean, cruel, and selfish – no one seems to give a shit about me. my whole life revolves around a 9-5 job. no hobbies or anything excite me. what do people honestly live for? what is the purpose of life?
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You need to create purpose yourself. Ever played Minecraft? That game does not have any inherent purpose. There are things you need to do, to do other things and There are things that are really hard, you can feel proud about for achieving. But is anything required? Necessary? No, not really.
So, just think about what you wanna do. What do you wanna see? How do you wanna live? What do you need for that?
Then you go from there.
There is no inherent purpose or meaning to life. None. But what that means is that you get to pick. For inspiration, start putting yourself in situations you’ve never experienced before (volunteer somewhere, take a course in something weird or new, go on a small trip somewhere really odd). Shake things up, and who knows? Maybe along the way you’ll find something more compelling than what you’ve encountered thus far.
I’m 40, had the same mindset when I was your age as far as no kids, wife etc. Watching so many friends go through divorces and all that bullshit drama I am glad I didn’t, but as I get older kicking myself in the ass a bit. Doubt you’ll fully figure out what you want before you hit 30 tbh. You’ll make mistakes, you’ll have regrets but just part of it. Hopefully the peak of attention whoring on apps has passed and that shitty part of society has passed. Maybe even OF will start it’s decline so you can find people who haven’t been passed around like the community bike to settle down with.
Work Corp job as well, think I live pretty well. Spent good chunk of last decade with plenty to do between my house, grandparents, mom/stepdad etc. but they all died in the last few years so freed up lot of time. Simply working in yard, gardening, hunting, fishing keeps me going. Not a social creature so try to find something I can do on my own, challenging and sometimes danger helps add a little spice.
Try new things, enjoy the world around you a bit and figure out what makes you tick. Find physical work/exercise helps to relax, clear the mind and experience all sorts of new things. I get further and further away from technology as much as I can which is nice. Good to check out of the digital/online world and actually live life a bit.
You’re doing well. I can relate with the parent’s situation. Maybe while you work, you could look into taking classes in areas that inspire you?
Me too. I feel old and run down. I’m 42 and just want it to end…. I’ve tried many things to improve my health but it hasn’t changed….
I’ve been questioning what is even the point of it all.
The answer to “what’s the purpose of life” is the meme with the two guys going in the bus, one sad and one happy, both sayings: “there isn’t one”.
The world most of the time feels like a test you are either failing or just getting by every day. But noone is actually judging you. People like to think that either religion or people that you knew and died are looking at you and are either doing a thumbs up or a thumbs down but the real judge you have to confront is yourself.
And even then… there haves to come a time where you realize that the voice in your head telling all all the things you lack is not helping. You are just a person going about your days to the best (and sometimes not so best) of your abilities. You cannot actually fail at living. You just do.
You need to get comfortable sitting on the edge of the abyss of nothingness. Eventually, you will be nothingness. Given that, relax and enjoy the time you have.