Dear people of Reddit,
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**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?
I would like to ask for help with my relationship. I (27 y/o M) have been dating/seeing a girl (27 y/o F) for about 6 months now. This is my first, I guess, serious relationship—serious enough that I introduced the girl to my parents. The entire relationship has been great so far, with the exception of one thing.
Luna mentioned when we first started talking that she wanted to inform me that with her past boyfriends, and people she occasionally talked to because of internships in new cities, she had made some sex tapes and that there were nudes that existed of her. The reasoning was that her past boyfriends/people she talked to during internships had “asked” her to do so. One of these people not only has these videos/photos saved but also distributes them to other girls he is apparently talking to. Which I find a little odd myself, but I am an open-minded and reasonable person. This kind of set off a red flag in my brain.
One night, we were sitting on the couch, maybe 3 months into our relationship, and a guy texted her. I didn’t read the text, but she mentioned that this was one guy she talked to while she was doing an internship in Nashville. I think I saw the name and read enough to figure out that it was a “hey, what’s up” text. This guy had particular importance because he is the one who has the videos and is distributing this stuff to girls he is talking to. The main thing with this individual is that she mentioned she had fisted his ass because “she threw up in his Porsche and she didn’t have much of a choice.” This upset me in the back of my mind, because I was like, why is she still talking to this person? In my opinion, if someone I used to talk to had videos of me that were compromising or nudes and was distributing these photos against my wishes, that would really upset me. So I’m not sure why you would keep a correspondence.
When I asked her about it and mentioned that I didn’t understand why she would still even talk to this person, and that it made me uncomfortable, she said she would stop talking to him. I’m not someone who thinks I have, or should have, the ability to tell my girlfriend who she can and cannot text. Regardless, she said she would stop.
The other guy she mentioned that she made videos with was her other long-term boyfriend. She said at the beginning of the relationship that this is one of the people she still talks to. Which is a bit of a red flag in my mind, but I don’t know the context of their correspondence.
Fast forward to recently (this past week, 6 months into our relationship). I noticed on her phone one night that she got a notification on Snapchat about the guy’s private Snapchat story, and I thought that was a bit odd. So, I started paying attention to her phone when she had it open. She still texts this guy fairly often, and he is in her recent contacts for text, Instagram, and Snapchat.
When I somewhat asked her about it—because I guess I didn’t realize she still constantly texts this guy—we went down a rabbit hole and I found out that she had not only done anal with these guys but had filmed it too. I don’t like the fact that she did this, but I am an open-minded and forgiving person. When I asked about doing it with her—because she has brought it up now at multiple points—she essentially just responded with, “your penis is too large,” which I have never been told before. And according to statistics, I have a normal-sized penis.
This discussion essentially ended with her saying that she didn’t “see herself having a future with those guys,” that “this is just my insecurity,” and that she “loves me.”
This girl has also recently moved to my town for a new job that requires a PhD, which she has. I’m somewhat on edge—wondering if she’s just talking to me because she feels the need to have a boyfriend at all times, and I fit the bill—and I’m just a naive idiot who has no idea what’s going on. Or there’s something going over my head, and I’m still an idiot. Or, I’m way overthinking things.
Am I overthinking things and overreacting? What’s your take?
apologies for the novel