i’ve been trying to push this thought out of my mind for a long time but i CANT. i’m tired of being a darkskin girl, and i wish i was born as literally anything else.
it’s exhausting. i don’t want to be strong, i don’t want to love my tight curls or my skin because what’s the point id nobody else is going to?? as long as im black, i will always have a disadvantage and it hurts so much. nothing i ever do will make anyone see past my skin color. i’m never anyone’s ideal type, or anyone’s favorite, and it’s literally impossible for me to be the prettiest girl in any room, because there’s always gonna be someone lighter than me. and i’ve tried everything. i grew my hair out and kept it straight, i stopped eating so i could be super skinny, i have a small nose naturally (one of the only things i love about myself), i do my makeup every. single. day. and still, it’s always “you’re the prettiest DARKSKIN girl i’ve ever seen” “you’re the prettiest BLACK girl ive ever seen” “i’ve never dated black girls but id date you” please. it’s sickening. in every comment section about the racial group with the prettiest girls, or boys ideal type, black girls always have the least votes. and then all of the (beautiful) black women are in the comments saying their opinions don’t matter, but am i the only one that feels like we’re all coping?? it hurts me, and there’s no way im the only one.
and it’s not like i think black or darkskin women are ugly, because were absolutely not. we’re just hated, and i hate being hated. i want to be loved and i don’t think ill ever truly be loved because darkskin women seem to be nobody’s actual type. in order to be a darkskin woman worth loving, you have to be extraordinary like Anok Yai or Lupita Nyongo, and it’s so unfair. even the scraps of other races/ethnicities get chosen before us every time. i feel like any man that has ever wanted me is settling because he couldn’t have the lightskin/mixed/latina/white/asian girl that he actually wanted. it’s been literally ingrained into me that nobody would ever choose me first.
for the past 17 years, i’ve been everyone’s last choice and the butt of every single joke. all through elementary school, and middle school, and still sometimes in high school. even at work, by both boys and girls. every boy i’ve ever liked has liked my lightskin friend instead (she’s never liked any of them back + really pretty, so that’s not her fault at all), the boys i’ve “talked” to (there are very few) have all talked to exclusively non-darkskin girls both before and after me. i feel like im not even allowed to have a type because the dating pool for me is so shallow already.
every joke about me disappearing when the lights go off, or being a starving african child, or a monkey, or just unattractive because im darkskin (literally all jokes made by other black peple btw). none of them are funny, and each one takes another peace of my soul away with it. even my mother makes comments about how dark i am sometimes. sometimes i cry myself to sleep wishing that i could wake up as someone else, someone lighter. i didn’t ask to be black, so why does everyone punish me for it? when do i get to stop being strong? when is it my turn to be loved? what is it about my skin that makes me so unlovable? and why is it that the thing i hate the most about myself is the one thing i can’t run away from?
i’m sorry if this is a lot or makes no sense or is all over the place. i’ve been holding this in honestly for like months and there’s nobody i can tell in my life because they’re all just gonna tell me to love myself or some shit that i’ve heard hundreds of times. thx for reading if u did xx
Comments
So u said dark-skinned women get the least votes in polls. But they still get votes. Ppl love dark skinned women even if there’s not many or they’re not the first choice. I love black women there’s a beauty no other race could come close to matching but it’s difficult as fuck finding one I can connect with. Ur also 17 high school is the most vain horny and cruel period of time u can go though. Every dude sucks and ur wasting ur time with literal children as a child urself.
U are beautiful. Not because ur black but because ur u. If u don’t want to love urself thats fine but don’t ever expect anyone to love u either if u can’t do it urself. Give urself time and u will learn the world is much larger and more diverse than a single high school
you need to move to a predominantly black area. ASAP. maybe go to school at an HBCU. also for what you said about “all of us coping”….don’t project your insecurities on others . i’ve never had any insecurity based on being a black girl. i’ve never had any issues with men liking me. if there was a choice i would choose to be black, in every lifetime.
I feel this as a biracial woman. I’m not dark enough to be black but way too dark to be white. I don’t feel white. I don’t feel black but just know my life would be easier if my skin was white.
Get help. You’re hurt. I know, but it’s no reason to become an Aunt Ruckus. What’s the point of loving yourself if no one will? How do you expect others to love you if you don’t love yourself. I’m sure there are people that love you btw, and if not, change your environment. Surround yourself with black people that have similar interests. People that hate their own blackness and worship whiteness in hopes of being accepted never get “picked”. They get tolerated, used, and laughed at. Don’t become that person. From one dark skin to another, you gotta be strong. Being strong doesn’t have to be putting up with bs. Stand up for yourself. Cut people off. Set boundaries. But you gotta love yourself to do these things.
Word of advice, if you’re looking for support from black women, don’t say “confident black women are coping.” Please stop projecting the language of racists onto us, the fact that it’s coming from a black young woman doesn’t make it any less off putting
But yeah idk if it’s prohibiting you from enjoying your life, consider visiting a black therapist, and just engage in as much positive content about black beauty, black talent or whatever. And surround yourself with black friends, but don’t project that anti-blackness onto us because we don’t like surrounding ourselves with that shit. That’s because you can’t accept other people’s blackness until you accept your own. Your self hate will poison the way you connect with other black people. Even in ways you might not notice.
Honestly, it’s personality and confidence that makes the difference. I don’t know anyone who hates dating black girls for looks. There’s for sure a lot of stereotypes out there and some fools who reinforce it but acting in a way that makes you feel comfortable with yourself fixes many of your problems with acceptance. This mental change is universal regardless of skin tone. Going into something expecting to lose from the start already makes you come off as defensive and people pick up on that subtlety. I would know. I’m a decently successful mixed gentleman who also grew up bullied. All that self improvement (physical and financial) and what fixed it was how much the guard went down talking to people. I started sharing what I liked. No matter how weird. Genuine people eventually showed up.
Telling you you’re beautiful when I don’t know you won’t mean anything. But do keep in mind that people won’t see your beautiful side if anxiety and expectations drag you down. I really recommend thinking about how you want to live your life and what reasonable small steps you can take to uplift yourself. Eventually learn to be more forward with your intentions with people. Self love comes from taking care of yourself first, then opening your heart second. Kids just don’t understand how much words will hurt. I guess this in a way is something I wish I was told 10 years ago when I was 17. It gets better eventually just make sure to be there one day when it does.
I understand what you are going through. Especially at this age. But you really need to love yourself. Everything you said could be solved with confidence. This is coming from a 300+ pound dark skin woman that grew up in a predominantly Hispanic area. No one is ever going to love you how you deserve to be loved if you don’t love yourself first. As you grow up and meet more people you will find someone who loves you for you. Not for straightening your hair or starving yourself. And a something to remember is it doesn’t matter how skinny, pretty or white you are. Someone out there will always have something negative to say about you. There is a hater around every corner. It was so hard for me at your age so i understand you. You might hate hearing this but you are still young and you experienced enough of life. Be friends with people who look like you, follow content creators who look like you, and tell yourself you look good even if you don’t believe it. Learn to love yourself. It’s so hard being a dark skinned woman but it has gotten easier as I’ve grown. Tomorrow is my one year anniversary with my boyfriend. I’m built like a refrigerator not a coke bottle. lol I’m being literal. I have no ass and a big back, not to mention a severe stutter. He loves every inch of me, takes me out and doesn’t feel embarrassed, and shows me off to his friends. I never thought I’d find someone who loved me. I met him at 23 btw. I just wanted to give you some encouragement. Also I’m not saying someone wouldn’t love a person who hates themselves. But people tend to stray away from those who seem like they hate everything about themselves. Finding a relationship shouldn’t be your first priority right now. Becoming comfortable in your skin should be. If you would like to talk one on one we can dm or exchange socials. It just hurts my heart when someone so young with beautiful skin and a crown on their head doesn’t love themselves
Every black person who has grown up in a predominately white country has gone through this existential crisis but I can assure you that it will pass.
Find some joy in life. Stop hanging around with racists. Half the world is anti-black so why should we add to the number?