I don’t like cuddling. In fact I don’t feel like I need any human contact or touch. To me if feels like an invasive annoyance, like “get off me, why are you so close”, even if the person doing it is someone I love.
I see other posts where people are desperately touch starved which just does not translate for me. There must be some sort of human contact gradient – like those who really need that human touch vs the other side of the spectrum of those who don’t.
I don’t think there is anything to fix but my boyfriends say its not normal and has likely been one of the reasons for incompatibility and breakups.
Maybe I need to explore what asexuality is but I’m not sure that fits – sex is sex and its an activity I enjoy, but cuddling, hand holding etc. nah, I could do without but all my partners seem to want it.
Comments
touch sensitivity/tactile sensitivities?
are a thing, could be you, if you’re diagnosed autistic then even more likely.
It’s definitely a gradient. Some people like to be attached at the hip physically at all times, and some need a lot of personal space. Both my best friends have lower physical contact needs than their husbands. Sometimes said husbands mention it, but ultimately respect my friends personal space needs. They’ve been together forever too.
Cuddling, hand holding, hugging etc is not something I enjoy. Cuddling and being affectionate with kids is different also and really only cuddles I enjoy. However I do occasionally feel touched out. I can’t think of any traumas and my parents have told me I always have been the same and even as baby and toddler didn’t enjoy much to be held in arms.
My husband is used to it. It doesn’t mean I never hug him or cuddle him but I would avoid it as much as I can. Sexual contact is different and we have a lot of sexual physical contact. Sex is my language of affection to my partner and one of the most important parts in relationship.
In my extended family and cultural background it’s quite normal to give peck on a cheek and hug when meeting or saying goodbye. That’s something I also don’t enjoy and keep to the minimum. Occasionally I still do it not to be socially awkward but I would rather not.
I HATE to say this. But I hated cuddling until I was with my husband, who loves it. Until him, it felt invasive and controlling of my space. Now I’m little spoon 100% of the time. Edited to say: I was raised in a hug-free zone.
I’m the one who is not big on cuddling. I don’t mind hand holding in public or sitting close to watch TV, with a back rub or so. But in general, I don’t like someone, even my husband, laying on me or right by me intertwined. He’s big on physical touch and likes to drape across me while I’m in my TV room. I let him as I know it relaxes him but after a while I get up. He usually falls asleep and snores insanely loud and it angers me literally. I’m very hot natured and struggle to not sweat constantly. If I get up he groans and complains that I always leave. Well yeah. I’m laying there sweating with this excess weight all up on me plus I no longer am enjoying whatever I was watching. I hate that shit. Ugh. And he better not dare get in my bubble at night when I’m sleeping.
I’ve never been one of those who “needs someone to touch them”. I could easily go weeks and not notice I have not given or received physical affection. I have to make it a point to give my husband affection.