My (f 30) friend (f 35) has four children two boys 8 and 4 years old, and two girls 12 and 2 years old. Lets call my friend Mary.
Yesterday was her 4 year olds birthday party and there were quite a few kids there. During the party I noticed there was one girl (11) who was just sat in corner not playing or getting involved with the others kids. I pulled my friends 12 year old daughter to the side and said to her “hey could you and the other kids make some effort to involve that girl when your playing games and talking amongst each other I think you guys are leaving her out and it would be nice for you guys to include her”. My friends daughter rolled her eyes at me and said “I don’t care that’s her problem” and walked off. I notice Mary’s 12 year old daughter seems to be the leader of her group and they tend to follow what she does and says.
Anyways I decided that I would play a few games with ALL the kids and hopefully that would break the ice with some of them to befriend the girl that has been alone the whole party. We played musical chairs and then we played dares. I want to make it clear that all the dares were child appropriate for example ‘dance to baby shark for 10 seconds’, ‘do 5 star jumps’ or ‘sing a song’.
During the game of dares my friend Mary joins in on one of the rounds, we spin the bottle and it lands on her. All the kids get really excited because they are going to get to dare an adult lol. So I say to the kids “come over here guys we need to come up with a dare for auntie” as I say this to them, me and the kids are huddled over in a circle. Mary also tries to come over but one of the kids says to her ‘you have to stay over there auntie we are trying to come up with a dare for you’ and then Mary playfully pretends to run away
All of a sudden I fall to the ground and feel my ankle twisting, I feel pain in my ankle and someone is stomping on my feet as I’m laying on the ground. It’s Mary’s 8 year old son. The other kids are saying “omg auntie are you okay” and telling him to stop, he stops and runs away indoors. Mary goes after her son. I try to get up and walk but I can’t, my left ankle is in so much pain that I can’t stand on it. The other kids help me to a chair and are asking me if I’m okay. Mary comes back 15 minutes later and says “oh sorry about that, are you okay? My son said he did that to you because he heard you say that I should kiss someone” I told her your son is lying because I never said that and all the kids confirmed that her son was lying. Mary then said “oh well he thought he heard that and also when I pretended to run away my son probably thought you were going to do something bad to me and my son is very protective over me” I didn’t respond to her, I was really pissed off. Her son never came to apologise.
I was really pissed off with my friend and her son. To be quite frank I don’t give a fuck what her son thought he heard but to do that to an adult or anyone for that matter is not okay. His anger or frustration issues is not okay and quite dangerous in my opinion. Also the way my friend goes along with these dumb excuses for her sons behaviour and
expects me to be okay with it also pisses me off. Ma’am you’re son slide tackled me to the ground!!!!!
A few months ago I went to my Mary’s house to drop off something but I ended up staying a little longer just chatting. I sat on the living room sofa for around 40 minutes still wearing my goose down jacket and i started to notice that my bum was feeling cold. I got up and noticed the couch was soaking wet, so was my jacket and my jeans. Her 8 year old son had peed on the sofa before I arrived and was sat next to me the whole time. First he lied and said it was juice but eventually admitted that he peed. Mary apologised, her son didn’t. I took my jacket to the dry cleaners.
To be honest I don’t like Mary’s eldest daughter that much she is quite mean and has an intimidating aura about her, not directly to me but I notice she is like that with her friends, her mum and other kids almost giving bully vibes. With the 8 year old I guess this post highlights why I don’t like him that much either.
What do you think about the situation?
Should I tell my friend how I feel about what happened yesterday?
Or should I just keep quite but distance myself from her and the kids?
Or only be around her without the kids?
I don’t have any children and in my culture kids call adults ‘auntie’ or ‘uncle’ it doesn’t necessarily reflect closeness but it’s an act of respect. Me and this friend are from the same culture.
Comments
This is insane
Honestly I would not spend time with these people anymore. Like – the mother has obviously shown you she doesn’t respect you. What is the other side of this friendship equation?
Distance yourself from the entire family
If you don’t like someone and their family, you shouldn’t hang out with them anymore. It’s as simple as that.
If you are afraid of confrontation/drama, just distance yourself then.
Your friends son sees to have some serious issues. Physically attacking someone over something he misheard or completely made up? Urinating on furniture? This is not normal or acceptable behaviour for an 8yo. It’s also disturbing that she doesn’t seem to be concerned by his behaviour (“he’s very protective over me”? He’s an 8 year old not a guard dog) or concerned with correcting it.
A normal reaction in this situation would involve an apology, amends (assistance with your injury, offering to pay for the cleaning of your jacket) and some kind of explanation/reassurance like
“8yo has some problems at the moment causing these behaviour issues but it’s being addressed.”
No need to go full in depth, she shoud leave the kid his privacy, but some kind of acknowledgement that the behaviour isn’t normal and that they’re working on it.
You’re well within your rights to refuse to be around him or his mother until these issues are addressed.
I would absolutely say you’re not comfortable being around her son. You’ll still be friendly but you’re not comfortable visiting if her son is in the house.
She says you’re overreacting, you say sorry but your son tried to injure me for not reason and lied about it to make it seem OK. It’s never ok. And he pissed on the sofa and let me sit on it.
I distanced myself from some friends because they were… I don’t even know what it’s called, “free potty training” their kid. So he was shitting everywhere. We went for a barbecue and I had to watch him sit in the yard and take a shit while I ate. Sorry but I’m not comfortable with that, haven’t been to their house now in over a year. And that’s not even a little demon child!
The 8yo needs professional help. That behavior is not within the “normal” kid behavior range.
Tell your friend to watch the movie Eden Lake and then stop returning her calls.
Her kids need professional help. This is leagues beyond normal childhood boundary pushing and antagonism.
That whole family is toxic ffs. DISTANCE TO BE MAINTAINED would be my advice