For as long I (26 F) can remember my mom, step father and I have always had a sort of rocky relationship. My stepfather used to be a physically and verbally abusive alcoholic who’d get wasted nearly every night and pick fights with my mother so he’d have an excuse to hit/punch/kick her. There was even a time when he sprayed windex in her eyes and just sat and watched her cry. None of this ever went reported because I was never allowed to tell my school friends what went on at home or anyone else for that matter. In hindsight I know I should’ve reported it, but I was young and afraid of making my mom mad at me.
Eventually my stepfather stops drinking and the fights subside and he swears he’s gonna be better and blah blah blah. By that point I’m 15 and coming home from school to see the house in complete disarray and my mother telling me that my stepfather has been arrested because law enforcement has been monitoring his computer for MONTHS and found CP on it. I am obviously shocked and completely repulsed, but my mom hears his defense (allegedly he was working on a customers car and found an unlabeled DVD and put it in his computer and that was on it) and apparently wholeheartedly believes it and stands by his side 100% which makes me even more disgusted.
When I’m 17 I go through a bit of a rebellious teenage phase, I would sneak out to meet a boy or sneak my phone when she had taken it away for low grades. A few weeks in and she decides she can’t handle me anymore and wants to focus all her attention on her husband so she can write him letters, call him, and schedule visits without me getting in the way and sends me to live with my dad 5 states away with 4 months of high school left. Ever since then I’ve always sort of felt like she just up and traded me for him and it hurts knowing she’d rather be with that type of man than her own daughter. She’s never once doubted his story and treats me like a monster for not wanting to visit them. One day I’ll want children and I would never let them step near that house if he’s there and I know she has no desire to leave him. I know she’ll treat me like a monster for that too and I’m really dreading the day it does happen. I’m sorry if this doesn’t make any sense or it’s all just a big jumble of words, but lately she’s been guilting me into coming to visit them and I had to vent to someone. Thank you if you’ve read all the way through.
Comments
hi, first of all I am so sorry you had to go through this 🙁 I understand having a rocky relationship with your mom but in no way should you ever feel pressured to do something you’re uncomfortable with. It hurts to see your parent choose their partner over you, their child, but please never let that weigh you down or make you feel bad about yourself. none of this was EVER your fault, and even though its clear to see your mother is a victim of domestic abuse that does not excuse her actions whatsoever. i do want to say this though, if you ever decide to have a family of your own never ever let your mother’s husband near them. it is clear he is a predator no matter what bullshit story he comes up with. don’t let her make you feel pressured to do shit, do what YOU think is best for you. you are strong, you got this! sending love <3
*hugs* I’m sorry you’re dealing with that! Step-creep sounds like a typical pervert trying to justify his gross behavior. Mom sounds like she’s either naive, insecure, or afraid to leave for whatever reasons, and she needs to grow up and stop trying to coerce you into visiting if you’re not comfortable around them. It’s one thing if you and her meet up for coffee or shopping or some other ‘girl time.’ It’s totally different if she’s forcibly trying to make you be in the same room as that creep – and you are smart enough to stand your ground, even if she’s being hurtful. Stay strong!