I love my boyfriend a lot, don’t get me wrong. We’ve been online dating for a few months and at that time we were sexual over text. But recently since we’ve been living together I started to realize I hate it. I’ve been a virgin my whole life until I met him and I thought I just needed time to get used to it. But it’s been 2 months of trying. I only ever get mad at him when he tries to be sexual with me, and he dosnt believe me when I tell him I don’t like him touching me down there because every time he does I laugh, I can’t help it , I’m very ticklish , so I just feel like he won’t believe me when I tell him.
Another thing is , I only really like sexual stuff if it’s with words. We roleplay together on other platforms with made up characters, plus I like when he tells me things with sexual undertones that arnt necessarily a promise to do something actually physically sexual. So I don’t think I don’t entirely like it, but I don’t like anything physically sexual with him, I hate sex, it hurts and I don’t like the feeling of it being inside, I feel full and uncomfortable?
I had this realization when I kept seeing instagram reels about how girls love to do things with their boyfriend. I really really want to like it, it’s a situation where you want to like something but you just cant so you just like the concept of it. I wish I loved sex, but I just feel like I don’t . Is there anyway to fix this?? And if not, how can I tell him.. he lived like a monk for 3 years with his ex, I’ll feel terrible if I made him live like that for the rest of his life.
Edit: I guess what I’m saying is, I love him, I find him very attractive, I want to like sex with him, but I always feel hurt or uncomfortable by it. I want to like it, I really do. It hurts me that I don’t
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It sounds like you don’t find him attractive sexually.
You might not enjoy sex, and that’s okay. Be honest if he cares, he’ll understand. You’re not broken.
Go see a doctor, it shouldn’t hurt. The majority of men are physically affectionate and love sex. I don’t see him being okay going without in the long term, you need to get it figured out.
Not liking sex is okay. Be honest he’ll understand if he cares
Try someone else
I will be real with you… this is a very bad situation. Especially since you both live together. He will either think 1) that he is bad at sex and can’t make you enjoy it or 2) he will think that you don’t find him attractive…. Telling him you don’t like sex doesn’t seem plausible, even if it’s true.
My advice is , to seek therapy especially if he is a person who’s worth it. And meanwhile if you don’t enjoy penetration, there are other things you can do to satisfy him… and talk with him about what satisfies you.
It’s totally valid to want to like sex but realize that your body and mind just don’t respond that way. There’s nothing wrong with that, and it doesn’t make you a bad partner.
What matters now is having an honest, compassionate conversation with your boyfriend. It might be difficult, but it’s better than forcing yourself to keep trying something that hurts or makes you uncomfortable. A relationship can still be fulfilling and intimate even if it doesn’t include traditional sex
Don’t force yourself to do things that you don’t like or want.
Also, have a game plan in place if the no-sex thing is a deal breaker with this guy so it doesn’t impact your living situation.
He might, God forbid, hold that over you somehow since y’all are living together.
It sounds like there’s specific things that you don’t like that you’re not aware of and that’s why you think you don’t like sex overall. Been there before. You say ticklish so maybe it’s in the way he’s touching you?
I’m pretty confident you DO like sex but there’s some sort of mental block that you haven’t figured out yet. What gives it away is that you feel hurt or uncomfortable. I highly suggest therapy, especially CBT, to work through it. You can also pick up CBT books, though they usually focus on trauma. But the concept of CBT is applicable to every aspect of life: Recognize your thoughts and feelings and ask them “why?” and then ask the answer “why?” and keep asking “why?” over and over and over again. If you have sexual trauma, that could play a factor. Or even if you don’t, maybe you’re deep down uncomfortable with it because you tell yourself that it’s going to be bad and uncomfortable like all the other times, or you tell yourself that you’re acting like a whore, etc.
Our thoughts control most things like this, not some immovable unchangeable immutable characteristic about us.