Sorry if this comes off as crazy rambling but I really don’t how else to put this. My brother for what seems like our entire lives has just not had his own identity. It’s like he can just completely flip his entire personality depending on who he’s talking to.
I over hear everything since our rooms share a wall. He’ll be talking to one friend on the phone about a social issue and he’ll have a very strong opinion. Then, he’ll call up another one and say the exact opposite. He does this with our parents too, he’ll echo back at them exactly what they think when he wants something from them. I don’t think he knows how much I can hear because I’ve heard him literally brag about doing this. Stuff like, “I win every argument because I always know what cards to play.”
I’ve also noticed he changes major aspects of himself just on a whim. He’ll randomly have an accent he’s never had before and then just drop it after a month. He’ll randomly start dressing and acting exactly like a character from whatever show he’s watching but if you ask him about it he’ll swear he wasn’t inspired. He’ll change his sexual orientation depending on the situation he’s in. For example, at one point I jokingly called a him a virgin and he told me that that was like a slur for him because he was actually addicted to sex and that he couldn’t stop women from throwing themselves at him. Then, a girl in his friend group started calling him out for being creepy and all of a sudden he’s asexual and has never had sexual urges in his life. He literally called it his “ultimate power card” because “If I can’t have sexual attraction than how could I be creepy to her?”.
The reason I’m writing this because after years of us not having a relationship he’s started making an effort to reach out to me. He’s actually been pretty nice and we’ve spent some decent time together that I’ve genuinely enjoyed. The thing is I feel like I might never know if the person I’m spending time with is actually him or instead a person he created for me. I’m so conflicted because it makes my mom so happy to see us together and it is kind of nice to have an older brother again. But, I can’t shake that voice in the back of my head that questions his intentions.
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He’s got what it takes to make a damn good businessman.
They say the male brain doesn’t fully develop until mid 20s. Maybe he’s finally matured.
I don’t know if you want to hear it but this is a trait of a certain type of person… they aren’t always the nasty people you read about – they can be perfectly pleasant in fact.
He has a personality, beneath the persona’s being used to interact with others. I am not sure how strong their self is, but beneath all the show, is a person with a collection of real likes and dislikes, wants and needs.
Unless he told you, or you were to really push it. You will never know which you are interacting with. The fact he is both aware, and using the shift of persona’s for his own gain. That would make me weary of what he is after no matter the context.
I have a personality disorder that makes these type of people repulsed by me, and I to them, as the manipulation just triggers avoidance and or aggression on both sides.
If he is not doing anything negative to you, and you are happy with things. Then I would say there is no harm for you. You have the advantage of watching him doing this to others, so you know what he can and will do. Be assured in yourself and always be willing to push back on any negative traits pushed to you. If they are just a facade, then they will be dropped for something more advantageous.
The people I watch do this the easiest, (usually through work), tend to also be some of the laziest people I know. Attempting to coast through, and often up, in life by just sucking up when needed and throwing others under the bus at a whim. They wear what the boss wears, drive a new car, because everyone at that level owns that type of car. Change their partners, because they could do so much better. Predominantly they are shallow and surface level. But when pulled apart for fun, there is always a person beneath. Often someone to feel sorry for.