So I met this guy on a dating site and, honestly, he was the most normal one I came across. We clicked immediately, started talking regularly, and things felt natural. It was going well enough that we both deleted the app. For the first 12–15 days, we didn’t meet—he was shy about it—but I ended up asking him out first. I think he felt weird about me initiating, so he preponed the date and we met late at night, around 11 PM.
Our first meeting was sweet and respectful. We just talked and walked, no physical contact. Over the next few days, we ran into each other again late at night and spent time walking around, talking. That’s when things started getting physical. We kissed during one of those meetings, and each time we met after that, the physical side progressed—hands under my shirt, then pants—but he always respects my boundaries when I say no. He knows I plan to stay a virgin until marriage and hasn’t pressured me.
On the emotional side, he’s been affectionate and protective. He gets jealous, says “you’re mine,” and does little things that make me feel special—brings me chocolates, my favorite juice, gives me his jacket or cap, holds my hand, plays with my hair. Once, he even came to a movie with me because my friend bailed last minute, just so I wouldn’t be alone at night.
He’s also opened up a bit emotionally. He told me about his ex cheating on him with his best friend, and when I mentioned I have attachment issues, he admitted he has trust issues. He tells me he really likes me, and even says “I love you” sometimes. But he’s also pretty vague and inconsistent when it comes to defining what we are. When I asked him once where we stand, he joked, “on the floor.” Another time, I told him my friend was trying to set me up and asked what I should say. He told me to just say I’m seeing someone—referring to him.
But despite all this closeness, there are things that don’t sit right with me. We’ve only ever met late at night—sometimes as late as 1 or 2 AM. He’s always busy during the day, says he has uni or other things. Yet I know there are days he’s free, and if he really wanted to, he could make time. He’s never introduced me to his friends, hasn’t told them about me, and avoids being affectionate when we’re in his area—says his family is around. One time when his friends were passing by, he literally stepped away from me so they wouldn’t see us together.
He says he’s not talking to other girls, and I’ve checked—he really isn’t. He calls me every night, and when I start pulling back or expressing doubts, he reassures me. But still, we’ve been talking and meeting for a month now, and he hasn’t asked me to be his girlfriend. I can’t help but wonder: is he keeping me a secret because he has commitment issues? Is it the trauma from his ex? Or is he just using me for the late-night physical connection without actually committing?
Because when I’m with him, I feel safe and genuinely happy. He makes me feel good about myself—even the things I consider flaws. But at the same time, there have been small lies and vague answers that make me question things. I don’t want to get played, and I don’t know if this is someone with emotional baggage who’s slowly opening up, or if I’m just something convenient.
TL;DR I’m confused and I just wish I knew what he truly wants from this.
Comments
Only one who knows what he wants is him. Need to have a serious conversation about what each of you wants out of this
Honey, you’re a booty call.
He won’t define things. Only sees you at night. Gives you affection to keep you waiting on his hook for a relationship that isn’t coming.