I’ve been dating her for around 3 months. Exclusive for 4 weeks.
She is honestly one of the best people I’ve ever met. She’s cute, funny, dorky, sexy, I really really like her. And she says she really likes me. The sex is great. I love just sitting and watching tv with her.
But she’s on the fence about wanting kids. And she’s 36. I’ve tried to talk to her about this but she’s said she’d do it with the right person. But it’s not been a priority for her. She said it’s too soon to seriously discuss this with me.
As time has gone on, I feel more and more pressure about this. And I’ve started to feel so much pressure that it feels like my head is going to explode. I wake up feeling anxious. I go to bed feeling anxious. I don’t feel I can lean into the relationship because I’m so stressed.
I’m constantly feeling on edge. I feel like it’s either a breakup coming, or I speed up my timeline massively to have kids. Both of which make me feel awful. I have this constant knot in my chest from anxiety.
I really need some help with this. She’s being so great to me. Taking such an interest in me and my life. nd I genuinely really like her. I’m just constantly anxious
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this is a more than valid reason to leave. her not wanting to even discuss it is very red flags. this is like a first date question, not after wasting years. maybe shes hoping youll get hooked on her so much youll forget about wanting children. get out of there
She has the right to choose what to do with her body. Why do you want babies anyway? Pure trouble
If you’re not compatible about wanting to have kids, then it won’t work out. Kids are a big responsibility and if you don’t feel ready for them, it’ll be hard for you to go through all of that with her.
The worst thing you can do is to force yourself to have kids now cause she wants to. You can try talking to her about it, how anxious it makes you, how unready you are, but if she still insists…then you’ll probably have to break up.
Just talk to her about freezing eggs or something so you guys have more time. She already said she’d do it with the right person, so what other answer do you want from her?
You’re a decent amount younger than her, it makes sense this is happening. If she wants babies, you have to make a decision & either let her go or start wrapping your head around a baby.
I’d hate to see you end things and regret it in a few years when your start getting baby fever. Male baby fever comes on a little later and a little less strong. I’m 36 and it’s wild how passionate I’ve gotten about having kids. Seeing my sisters helped. Have you ever been around kids?
Being with a girl I love so deeply, I’d be honored she wants to hold my baby.
Soo I think this issue depends on more of what you want and its age dependent as well. For instance my boyfriend (28) and me (22F) are both fencesitters leaning towards yes. We been dating about six months. We’ve had conversations about how we would raise children, private vs public school , etc. Since we’re both fence-sitters and we’re still young it hasn’t been an issue really because we both just graduated university and we live at home still we’re just starting to build our life. However if you know that in a few years you want s family idk if this relationship will workout long term especially because she’s shutting down conversations about this . That’s a red flag to me. My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months and we’ve already had several conversations about this . In a serious relationship you have to have uncomfortable conversations in order to lessen hurt feelings and wasted time
If she doesn’t want to discuss it and you do, you can make that your dealbreaker and move on. It sucks, sure, but it’s life.
You can wait for her to be ready, but she may never feel ready – and you may resent her for it more and more every day.
36 is/approaching geriatric pregnancy, which increases chance of complications, disabilities, and comes with a harder, longer recovery time. Especially because the first pregnancy is usually the hardest. Do with that information what you will. Kids is not something you can have different alignments on and still be compatible. You cannot have half a kid, and once you do have a kid the impact on your home is massive. It really sucks you vibe so well with someone with a different ideal future than you, but that’s what this situation is. I’m sorry you’re goin through this OP.
Doesn’t sound like you are compatible in life goals. And that’s ok. Sometimes we meet great people that are not a good match for a relationship. Don’t waste her time or yours, when you are not on the same page.
Dude you sound like a psycho. “As time has gone on” You’ve been together 4 weeks! No wonder she won’t make a decision if this is how you’re acting so early on! She probably isn’t bothered about kids but may have come aound to the idea if your extreme anxiety and quite frankly, major red flag of an attitude hadn’t turned her right off.
You barely know each other, just calm tf down! Just reading all that creeped me out. Probably best you do leave her. You got some personal things to work through first
Also maybe unpopular opinion but especially if you’re a woman if you’re dating in your 30s and you want children I wouldn’t recommend seriously dating a fencesitter tbh
that kind of anxiety usually isn’t about her it’s about the uncertainty you’re sitting in. When your longterm goals like having kids meet someone amazing who might not share them, your brain goes into survival mode and tries to force clarity before it’s time. The truth is, three months is too early to have a concrete answer about kids but it’s also okay that you need to know eventually. You don’t have to pressure either of you right now instead, focus on observing how she handles commitment, empathy, and conflict those traits will tell you a lot about what kind of partner and potential parent she could be. Give things a little space to breathe. You can’t rush peace of mind, but you can ruin something good by trying to.
3 months…… talking about kids…. first she’s borderline too old, second yea you should break up cause she deserve a less weird ass significant other