We (22F)(25M) have two cats; a 10 year old Torti female and a 6 month old gray tabby. The Torti was shaved when we originally got her and her sister (we got them a couple Saturdays ago) because she had matted fur. So it was from the neck down and the only things that weren’t shaved were her head, her feet, and the tip of her tail, basically like a lion. So her neck is skinny. We’ve been trying to tighten it enough, but it hasn’t work. We finally got close enough to tightening it so she doesn’t get her arm stuck (or so I thought). I just got home from work, my fiance is getting ready and basically done, just doing last minute things. I’m on the couch decompressing and I see our Torti struggling somehow. I run over to her because I see that she has her collar stuck on her bottom jaw and I didn’t want her to hurt herself further. I’m fighting with her because she’s trying to pull away from me due to the fact that I’m touching her face and getting the collar out of her mouth, and she obviously doesn’t like it.
Meanwhile, he comes out from our room and just stands there staring at me. Not helping. Not offering to help. I get irritated after finally undoing it/taking off the collar, and I’m like “hey thanks for the help” (in a non-aggressive tone but still, you’re just standing there?) and he was like “well Everytime I try to get involved with something, you yell at me and get mad at me so I just stay out of your way.” This was not a time for him to do that, and I started thinking about us having children. Our Torti, who is one of our children in my head (because they are in a way! They’re our kids, we take care of them and love them!), was struggling and if I wasn’t here, she’d do something to harm herself to try to get her collar out of her mouth. I already mostly take care of them, and I can’t imagine having kids with him now. We’ve talked about having kids, and it’s like he’s not helping out. He decided to do kitty litter yesterday (after a couple days), and I’m sleeping in a separate roomwhich is where the litter box is, while I was sleeping because I haven’t slept well and needed to sleep. I’m already annoyed by that, and then when I’m getting ready to go back to sleep from that, he turns on the vacuum to vacuum up the kitty litter on the floor!
It’s like he doesn’t care about our cats, and when he does, it’s at inconvenient times, JUST LIKE EVERYTHING ELSE IN OUR LIVES! It’s horrible, and I’m so upset because there’s so much other issues right now, and I don’t want any more. I’m trying to fix our relationship and fix many things wrong, and instead, more things just happen because of him. Am I crazy to think that? Is it crazy because of one little incident that has prior patterns, I don’t feel comfortable or feel like wanting to have kids with him anymore possibly?
TL;DR: he noticed that I was helping our cat from struggling with her collar stuck in her mouth, and he doesn’t help. I can’t imagine having kids with him since he uses the excuse “you get mad at me for getting involved so I just stay out of your way.”
Comments
>would you have the same thoughts?
Yes and no?
I feel like “collar stuck in cats mouth” is kind of a one person job in most cases, I’m not sure how helpful he could have actually been there. But I think overall if you’re questioning whether he’s going to help equally with children because he’s not doing so with your pets, that’s a valid concern.
Are you using breakaway collars?