I just found out today that I am pregnant. We’ve been broken up for 2 weeks now. I love him but I genuinely can’t think of my child have anything to do with his parents.
When I saw my test I was shocked and immediately thought what they will say and how they will bluntly say that I got pregnant to trap him and because I only want him for his money.
I should’ve been happy and cry happy tears but instead I feel like a teenage girl who is scared to tell the BF and the parents. I am scared they will tell me to get an abortion.
He is 52, I am 39. When we start seeing each other we both were clear that we wanted kids. We never used protection and tbh I was told that it will be very hard for me as I am perimenopause plus I have endometriosis and other reproductive issues. So this is a blessing. Also I suspect a high risk pregnancy due to my health issues.
I don’t want my child around people who thinks that crying is a sign of weekness and that boys shouldn’t cry … and it’s a shame that mothers this days encourage male kids to be vulnerable and cry.
The mother made it very clear over dinner 2 weeks ago, that she is never going to like me. She doesn’t trust me and that I see her son as my personal credit card because he pays for dinner when we go out. One week pay-check is probably his hourly rate, so definitely our earning capacity is pretty different.
I feel like running away and just don’t say anything to him. We love each other but he didn’t give me my place in-front of his parents and I feel that already ruined all.
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I would tell him because you’ll need the financial support. Just ignore his parents. You don’t have to give them any info or honestly him anything beyond I’m pregnant do you want to be involved. If he doesn’t respect those boundaries then he doesn’t get to be in the child’s life either. Absolutely insane that a man in his 50s is so controlled by his parents.
Well this is a lot. You should tell him. Families are difficult and in laws suck. But they aren’t going to be around forever and your baby would love grandparents. The in laws can’t be younger than 70? You’ll have problems with them but you should have the father involved for sure
He’s 52 then the parents gotta be in there 70-80, gurl kill them with kindness. See if you can work shit out with him. Maybe the stress from getting into your relationship will delete them
You are probably very early in the pregnancy, you do not need to tell anyone at this moment.
Schedule an apt with an obgyn to see if the pregnancy is viable. Get on any meds that will help it move along with less complications and wait until you feel secure enough that you won’t miscarry to tell him or anyone.
This is your body. You don’t need to worry about anything but you and the baby. If/when you decide to tell him, let him know that you waited to make sure both of yall were healthy and that bc of his parents you did not need that stress so early on. If he doesn’t 100% understand and support you then know that is your sign that yall can be good coparents but most likely won’t be together to raise the baby.
You also don’t need him to raise a baby. Just focus on you!
Also note that when/if you decide to just co parent. You as the mother will have the most influence on your child’s personality and even those they will see the child you can teach them how their grandparents are old and senile so they shouldn’t listen to their backwards thinking.
I mean, you don’t actually have to tell him. You’d only have to tell him if you wanted child support or other financial assistance now I think you should get that. Children are not easy to raise and you’re gonna want but if he’s not willing to tell his parents to fuck off while he’s 52 fucking years old and if you really wanna have this kid, you might wanna just not tell him and go on your own if he finds out and comes to see you, you could be honest or you could say something along the lines of no it’s from a one night stand I had after we broke up.
It’s not like he can force you to take a paternity test in most places it be one thing if you were trying to get money out of him, but if you just decide to raise a child on your own or with somebody else and yeah, you don’t have to tell him
However, you keep saying you love him and I do wonder how you’ll feel knowing you’re gonna have his child and that he’s never going to get to see it or interact with it. You obviously know him better than I do. In fact I got no sense of him for this post other than he is not capable of telling his parents to back the fuck off even though he’s 52 fucking years old.
So you’ll have to make that decision for yourself, but I would really suggest if you’re going to have a child you’re gonna need support and maybe this is the thing that will shake him to his senses and make him realize that he is being ridiculous and putting his parents ahead of the relationship with you and the child that he said he wanted . Regardless best of luck to you and I hope things work out.
Enjoy your pregnancy alone you owe no one an explanation. Dont put him on the paper work if they were the reason you broke up. She may have say in his life but you have say as to whos around your babies. When you feel the time is right say something. For now make sure you enjoy it
I think you need to speak to family law lawyer eventually to know your rights and limitations regarding setting up custody & child supports while keeping his parents out your child’s life or even see what options you can take for him not have any paternal rights so that his parents can’t have grandparent rights. Even you if take other posters advice about telling him only – his parents and even your ex will call you babytrapping gold-digger but with lawyer representing you; you need legally protecting your child from his parents.
Will he have the same philosophy of crying is a sign of weakness? Do you think he will be a good dad? I don’t believe that excluding a parent is ever a good thing. I would tell him and let him know in writing (proof) that you are informing him of your pregnancy and that you do not expect anything from him. You can decide later to put his name on the birth certificate or not. Also say that you do not want any contact with his parents.
Yeah you should do what you want
Wait a while until you and the baby are healthy to say anything. You don’t have to tell anyone right away
Frankly, I wouldn’t tell him, and I would move home. He already said it was never going to work and he can’t break his family. He told you what his priority is, and it’s not you. When you are safely back home, perhaps then you can tell him depending on child custody laws. Good luck, it’s sad that you love him so much, but he doesn’t return the feelings
I mean no offense if he’s in his 50s, his parents are probably old as shit and I’m gonna die soon anyways.?
If he’s 52 yrs old, his parents must be pretty old & probably won’t be around much longer.
Honey, your child is a blessing if you want to be a mom.
If your ex-in laws are that bad, I would also worry about then trying to alienate you from your child with money.
In your shoes, I would absolutely go back to where my suport system is at, make my residence there and only then (or after the baby is born) tell the father.
I urge you to NOT have the baby in the place that you are right now- with zero support system – and your ex in lwss living with your ex. They will try to take the baby away from you as much as possible and you wont be able to move because of custody.
Go home, to the people that will always have your back, wherever that is.
If you can support the child on your own and live somewhere where your lives are separate enough that he won’t hear about it, just ghost, but if not you probably have to face this and work it out. You don’t get complete control over who is in your kids life, but an old grandma is not likely to hare undue influence. The bigger problem will be the son she already raised. In an ideal world, you work together and decide how to coparent.
I would be seen by an ob first. Then tell him. You’re not gonna wanna hear this, but you’re not gonna have any control over who he brings around your child because it will be equally his. If he cannot stand up to his parents now at his age, he’s never going to. Your options are going to be having this child without him or having this child possibly with him, but knowing they will always be around. I would think long and hard if you want to have him around your child only because it is guaranteed he will always choose his family and what they think over you and this child. You can tell him you would like them to not be around, but realistically that’s not going to happen and even if he says he will, he won’t.
He is 59 YEARS OLD AND HE LETS HIS PARENTS RUN HIS LIFE.
He has a right to know he is going to be a father. You didn’t make that child by yourself. Yes, his parents are shitty. I wouldn’t want them around them either. Move close to family and then establish residency and then tell him you’re pregnant. Then, come up with a co parenting plan.
This is ridiculous..you ended your relationship over parents and now afraid to celebrate the baby and be happy because of the parents.. of a 52 years old person.????
Just enjoy the gift since you love kids and tell him when you are ready!
Honestly honey..he is too old for you and you are still very young ..if you choose to raise the baby alone..go for it. You are more than capable of doing that! Or you can later find love with another person who doesn’t let his parents bully her or make her feel inferior or gold digger.