The title pretty much explains it but I dropped all three of my classes two week ago and I’ve been lying to my mom since. I work at full time job Mon-Fri and lately I’ve had zero motivation or interest in anything so getting myself to do any school work has been impossible. I was failing all my classes, which I had also been lying to her about, and I can’t afford the F’s to go on my transcript because I’ve been trying to get into a selective program at my school and my GPA could not take the hit of 3 F’s. I’ve even been driving to school and sitting outside of the buildings on the days I’m supposed to be in class since my mom has my location. I haven’t told anyone about this and I feel like such an idiot and failure and I just don’t want to disappoint her
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Its okay to need a break, i hope you’re able to talk to someone about it and get some support soon, and return to your classes when you’re ready.
Tell your mom. She might be disappointed, upset, and or angry, but she loves you. It’ll be a hard conversation but your mom’s there to help support you and guide you. There’s no clock on school, you don’t have to complete 4 years post secondary right away, take the time to figure out your goals and do it when you’re ready.
Don’t suffer in silence to spare her feelings, you’re only doing more harm than good. Have the hard honest conversation, you’ll be better off having done it.
Definitely not a failure dude/dudeette. I did the same thing as you where I would go to campus and just sit in another building until it was time to come home. I wasn’t doing bad per se but the skipping hurt my grades. I lied about going all the time. She still doesn’t really know that I did it. I’m working on it this semester and have only skipped two classes total. It’s the little steps that you take for sure but transparency can go a long way as well when it comes to parents. You could be skipping and not working and just bumming around all day. Grades don’t define you as a person but they do, in a way, define your work ethic. I wish you the best of luck and I’m here if you need to talk.
I’ve been in this exact same scenario. I know the feeling of just struggling academically and going through the motions. Literally I would do the same thing: drive to school and just be sitting in my car and thinking about how I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do and how I was screwing up everything up.
I failed my classes (because I wasn’t even attending them) and ended up on academic probation to the point where I could only take 2 classes a semester and had to make up the rest by taking classes during the summer. The good news was that even though I failed by re-taking them they essentially wiped out the F’s but it ended up costing me a whole year and I graduated later than everyone else I knew.
My advice to you would be to tell your mom what’s going on. Let her know how you’ve been feeling and what you’ve been going through. She may be angry upset but she’ll get over it. The next step would be to go to your academic advisor and talk to them. Let them know what’s been going on, how you’ve been feeling, and ask how the heck you can get yourself out of this hole. My school really helped me out even though I didn’t ask for help until the damage was done. They want you to succeed and can help you figure out what to do in order to get back on track. It will also save you the time of having to appeal to the dean, department head, etc and literally beg them to give you a second chance like I had to.
I’ve been there and even though it was hard I ended up coming out on top and life is good now. But reach out for the help now because going through what I went through was the most stressful and embarrassing experience I have ever had.
This is way more common than you think. I am middle aged and a friend’s daughter did this last year, only confessing months after the semester ended. They were not pleased but all they wanted was for their daughter to be ok. She is in therapy now and is back to school part-time. Parents just want their kids to be ok.
The only good thing in there is that at least you dropped the classes, presumably before the deadline past which a grade becomes mandatory. No academic impact that way.
My daughter did this and I was disappointed, but it wasn’t about me. I trust her judgment and she didn’t feel like she could handle it. Her happiness and mental health mean more than anything. After a little break, she’s back full time now.
I have had a new lens on life since my other daughter (20 years old) took her life 21 months ago, but please tell your mom about your classes. Talk to her about what’s going on and how you lost your motivation. She should be your biggest ally in this thing called life.
I just went through this with my daughter(19). I felt hurt she didn’t think she could tell me she dropped a class. In fact, she’s changed her major. Of course, I had something to say about it. That’s our job, to give input. However, we talked, and she felt so much better! I respect that she made a big decision for herself… her future. You’ve got this, too!
Don’t pretend that you are going to school anymore and keep working.
At least you didn’t stay enrolled and not go
Come clean. The quicker the better for everyone too. When basically flunked out and started pretending to go to school the stress alone was terrible. Telling them of course sucked at first but I told my bf and parents what I had been doing and most importantly why. It’s been a couple years but my relationship is so much better with my parents. They just wanted transparency and what was best for me in the end and I’m sure/hope your mom wants the same. It really takes a load off too. I was drowning in stress and lies.
I’m sorry to say it so harshly but if you’re grown enough to make a decision like this on your own then you need to get grown enough to tell your parents.
By the way, you’re NOT an idiot or failure for this. if anything, you’re really smart and making a really tough decision to make your life easier to balance for yourself. That’s huge! You’re working full time, it’s not like you quit school to sit around and do nothing. You have the rest of your life to complete school. Education is NOT a measure of any person’s worth or intelligence.
Don’t hurt yourself trying to win the approval of other people. But also do not be afraid to disappoint other people. Her opinion of your life is NOT as important as you being able to live it healthily and happily.
That’s a dangerous lie that’s led others to murder, just disappoint her and move on
You should get in front of this. You may be surprised in your parents reaction. My son was doing the same thing. Except he would work and just sleep in late and not go to class. He lost his scholarship and tanked his GPA to a level that the school wouldn’t take him back.
Sometimes we just get to a point where we need a break. People do it in the real world all the time. They burn out.
My son tried to hide the grades from me and it was pretty shitty because I was covering his apartment, car, and the rest of the tuition. I had some resentment because I was paying a lot of money for him to sit on his ass but once we drilled down into the issues, we found out the root cause and moved on. In the end, for my son, he just took some time off from school. He moved back home and ended up getting a good job and finished school on his own dime.
It’s not as bad as you think. We’re here for you.
hey, it’s ok. Having these feelings is ok.
I went through something similar, but I didn’t address it soon enough and ended up hurting my parents and myself in the process and it all started because I was severely depressed and had been dealing with a lot of mental health issues that went undiagnosed for decades. I am guessing that your relationship with your mother can’t be terrible if you feel guilt for lying to her, so I assume she would be understanding if you came clean now and maybe see a doctor about your mental health. You can pull through, but the longer you go, the deeper the hole you are digging, and it will be that much harder to climb up out of it. It will suck, she might be hurt and it will not be easy, if it was easy you would’ve already done it, right? Don’t let it get out of control, and be kind to yourself, my friend.
It’s better to tell your mom yourself than have her find out some other way
Hey, I just want to say that it is a great first step that you shared it here. I want you to know that you are not alone and this happens. At some point you should tell the people in your life. Start with the ones you know love you / won’t judge you (friends? Siblings?) but also do tell your mom. I have three stories of people I know who kept such a secret.
lied for a year. Left in the morning to go to the uni because his gf expected him dare (different major but same-ish building). Told her at the end of the year cause he was supposed to graduate, but obviously didn’t (turned out he had also failed many 2nd year courses in his 3 year program). He dropped out and made his hobby (sports) his job and is super happy with that. He never really liked academics and this is much better for him. Sometimes regrets not just dropping at the end of the 2nd year as he wasted money all the 3rd.
A friend that kept it up for a shocking 3 years (still very surprised we didn’t noticed, in retro spect the signs were there but had no clue). He actually got caught because someone knew someone at the place he said to be doing an internship. After telling everyone he had some difficult talks but he was able to switch his major to something he actually likes. And his family is absurdly supportive. He is clearly happier than he was before (although I sometimes miss that he was always available to hang out, which I guess should’ve been a sign…)
I don’t know this one very well (friend of a friend) but it is an important worst case scenario. At the end of her 3 year program (after having stoppen coming halfway the 2nd year) she couldn’t handle disappointing her parents and killed herself. Obvious to say every single person in her circle blames themselves.
So my advice is to accept that this happened. Open up slowly to those that care for you and go forward. It isn’t a problem and life will continue.
Good luck!
If your parents are the ones paying for your school, you need to tell them right now so they can figure out how to handle it financially.
My suggestion is to move back home if you can and have someone watch over you and help you meet expectations and then get your ass back in school and finish. If you’re not motivated, then imagine what your life is going to be like when there’s no one to save your ass from every financial overburden or tough spot. Do you want to work your full-time pedestrian ass job forever? Knock your shit off and go back to class. Quit wasting your future because “you don’t feel like it.” You know how many people have never even seen a fucking book and would kill to be able to learn to read?
Everyone else here is going to five you empathy and play fiddles for you but you’re getting realism from me. Get your ass to class and knock it off.
What are you waiting for?
Are you waiting for all your motivation to leave and you no longer show up to work?
You would rather go for months being bored and miserable in a car alone in the parking lot than have one uncomfortable conversation and get help?
How much farther do you have to sink into the water to acknowledge to yourself you are drowning and start struggling and waving for a lifeguard?
Seek professional help. Turn your location off at school, tell your mom it’s a new policy to prevent phones from going off during class is to turn them off. Then go to the doctors and tell them everything.
Don’t wait until your feet touch the bottom, it gets comfortable down there and damn near impossible to muster up the courage and motivation to kick off the bottom. Use what little you have left to get yourself help, even if everything else falls apart because of it, you will be able to piece it back together with proper professional help
You are only hurting yourself kiddo…..
It’s ok. You don’t need to tell your mom. You’re now old enough to not worry about disappointing her; Worry about yourself.
Is this school for you or your mom? 3 Fs is kinda not rare especially if the classes are irrelevant to you. Look for directions and classes that can benefit you. Don’t need to live hiding.
You need to come out with this. I’ve seen the trust issues that come from this kind of behavior going on for too long. And you are wasting your life when you could be doing something to move you forward instead.
Just tell her, my sister lied like this for months and when they found out it was very disapointing. Just tell her now and get it over with.
Three classes is too many when you are working 40 hours. Please do not be afraid to try again, but maybe just one class to start.
My son did the same to me. He was ready to explode when he finally told me, as he’d been doing it for quite some time. Moms want what’s best for their kids. So, he took a break, we discussed options and then we sent him to trade school. He’s in his forties now, with a great job, wife, and daughter. Not everyone is cut out for college.
i can’t imagine being so privileged to be able to go to college and just fucking it up like this. U have an opportunity majority do not have and this is how you treat it smh
It’s best to be honest. Realistically doing school and a full-time job is not for most people (if you want to get a good GPA). I got a 3.9 GPA in graduate school when I had a good work-life balance. But my BA? I was up and down so much it was embarrassing. 😳
The longer you put it off, the harder it will be to come clean. You’re not the first nor last person to do this. My sister did this exact thing. She and my mom have long since moved passed it and are on good terms now.
that’s fine honey. you should have a school gym? go to the library or the gym. and go talk to counselors and plan your next semester.
everyone needs a break i remember i once dropped 3 classes and stayed with an art class and it was such a refreshing start…. i needed a break…
i felt like i had no idea what i was doing and it felt horrible to be around highly motivated people and wondering why i didn’t feel the same. there were people in thier 30s/ 40s/ 50s starting over and well i felt so bad for them but here i was not knowing what i wanted.
so take this as a quick break. next semester try 2 or 3 classes. just don’t rush! take your time! enjoy you youth
Yeaa I’ve been in this boat before .. you’re not a failure and you will graduate! See if your school allows credit from Sophia learning or Straighterline. These are programs where you pay like $90 one time to take multiple classes at your own pace and send them to your school for credit . This way you can avoid having to tell your mom you dropped all your classes cause you still earned credit for it anyways . Or even if you do tell her you can tell her about these programs so she feels more at ease . Good luck babeee ! You got this and God got you <3
2 Corinthians 12:9 – “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/2co.12.9.NIV
Gee, just imagine if you had applied the same effort to schoolwork as you have to deceiving you mom???
This happened to me my junior year of college. I had transferred to a school across the country and was struggling working full time and doing night classes. One semester I just stopped going. Eventually I reached out to my parents that I needed a break and need to pause going to school for the semester. This is totally normal wha you’re experiencing and many people have felt the way you do.
I did this in college. It is not worth the stress. Get engaged in your own life and be honest with yourself and your family. One of my largest life regrets is how I went about my college life. You can do it you just have to decide to do it.
Tell your family. It’s okay if college is not for you, but it’s not worth the trust they will lose if they have to find out later.
Our kiddo did this last semester. Failed 3 classes and dropped to not take the “F”. Honestly, I am and was pissed. I am not mad that college was not for him. I am mad about all the opportunities that he had to fess up or open a conversation, and instead manipulated me and my husband. It makes me question his honesty at all times. Is this get over-able as a parent, ABSOLUTELY. But it just showed that we yet again cannot trust what he tells us. The elaborate lies was hands down what hurt.
Best approach, “Mom – I have to talk to you. And it’s not going to be a fun convo. No one is hurt but I want to loop you in on some stuff I have been going through… insert stuff… I just wanted you to know because the decisions has not been the hard thing about this decision. The fact that I have been lying about this is what really weighing in my mind.”
This will be the opening of the dialogue. Will it suck, yea. But it will be soo worth it. Hell, if you cannot tell her, put it in a letter and have her read it in front of you. It still shows you are an adult who made and adult decision but that you value her opinion. Clearly her opinion of you matters to you. Tell her before she finds out or your hand is forced. The sooner the better.