I was talking to this guy for about a month and we dated for about two weeks. Last week we went on our third date and it went alright. He was being a little grabby around my waist and it made me kind of uncomfortable but I am so bad at setting boundaries so I didn’t say anything. At the end of the date I dropped him off at home and told him goodbye and that I had a good time but on the drive home, I just started uncontrollably sobbing. I just had an overwhelming sense of anxiety about being in a relationship so I texted him that I didn’t want to see him anymore. I feel absolutely horrible because up until that point I had told him nothing but positive things and he had been posting on his Instagram note about how pretty I was and how he wanted to be with me forever. I just am not ready for a relationship and I didn’t mean to lead him on. We had only been on a few dates so I didn’t think it was anything serious but he had started calling me baby and bragging to his friends about his girlfriend. He even bought me a video game that he really wanted me to play. I told him that it wasn’t a big deal because my dad had it so he would let me borrow it, but he really wanted to buy me my own copy. He just seemed to head over heels, and I just wasn’t ready for that. I feel really bad for breaking it off for seemingly no reason. Do you think I’m in the wrong or that I should’ve handled it differently?
I dumped a guy for no reason and I feel really bad
r/Advice
Comments
You don’t need a reason that he or anyone else finda acceptable. You do not owe anyone a relationship or attention. That you are not interested or not feeling it is enough. You don’t want it is enough.
You are just dating a month and he is already posting lifetime relationship with you on instagram? Sound like love bombing. I would be very uncomfortable with this
Well, flip the script, you want to be in a relationship that makes you sob because it would be the “right” thing to do?
There doesn’t have to be a right or wrong or good or bad, you can just decide you’re not up for the emotional responsibility towards this person. I suspect more people should realize that, probably would save a lot of complication and drama if folks didn’t stay in stuff their heart wasn’t in.
He dodged a bullet.
You did the right thing.
When you have trouble saying ‘no’ to men, especially around physical touch not asked for, it’s easier to just stop talking to them instead of being able to say in the moment. Also, he seemed to make assumptions without asking and that to me is a red flag on his side. You did what you know how to do to protect yourself, until you learn how to stand up for yourself and speak your ‘no’, you are doing what’s necessary. Honor yourself.
Your feelings are valid and you did the right thing for yourself. It’s not no reason at all, you felt uncomfortable and had an overwhelming sense of anxiety. Those are huge reasons.
His feelings escalated way faster than you were ready for and it’s not your fault he got ahead of himself. You’re not responsible for managing his emotions. The best thing you can do for someone is to be honest and that’s exactly what you did by ending things instead of letting it drag on. It might hurt him now but it would have hurt him more in the long run.
Sounds like it didn’t feel right. That’s all you need to know. Your gut was telling you something and you listened. Good on ya!
Clearly you didn’t dump for no reason. If you felt uncomfortable, that’s no firm basis for a relationship.
There was obviously a vibe check that didn’t work for you. Listen to your gut.
I don’t think anyone is surprised nowadays when it comes to women. As a man, I hear all the time “There are no good men out there, and men only want one thing.” Women would give up on good men and end up with a controlling and abusive fruitcake. You may have lost out on god’s gifts for whatever reason you elected not to want him.
Why not just communicate and say you felt you were moving too fast? You handled this very poorly and inconsiderately. Also, by the sound of it, you are very young and immature.
Is it an overwhelming sense of anxiety about being in a relationship with HIM, or in GENERAL? Very different. If it’s the former, then this is completely okay, you’re not expected to be with him if you don’t want to. If it’s the latter, then you shouldn’t even be going on dates and wasting peoples time
You’re allowed to breakup with someone because it doesn’t feel right or you don’t feel ready.
You don’t owe anybody anything!
It’s your life. Why does it matter if someone else thinks what you did is wrong? This decision made you more at peace and that’s all there is to it
It’s fine! We all have a hard time sometimes. It’s good that you were just honest with yourself. Maybe things were going too fast for you. If the guy asks just be honest with him as well. Just say that it hit you that you’re not ready for this. I’ve been in your shoes where I’m “dating” a girl and suddenly it just feels like the opposite of what I want and I have to slow down and look at the situation and assess. This is kind of normal.
Forget how you handled it. Think about what’s next. Do you want a relationship with him, albeit one that slows down considerably? If so, invite him to lunch or something similar. No “date,” nothing romantic. Let him know his statements and actions have been smothering you.
This would give him a fair opportunity to show he respects you and your boundaries. To be clear, you do not owe him this. You owe it to yourself IF you would like to see where it goes with him.
I think your age is likely a bit relevant here, but either way – I generally think you should follow your gut. You don’t owe anyone an explanation for doing what you think is best for you. Period.
I met a guy years back who got very love-bomby and possessive very quickly. He was nice and handsome and all, but something just felt OFF. I let him down, mildly abruptly, and felt weird about it for a while. Met my now-husband later that month and we’re going on 6 years together, one year married.
You’re not into him. That’s enough of a reason. ❤️
There was a reason. He gave you creep vibes and was grabby.
That’s it, that’s the reason.
Why should you feel bad? There’s the no reason part.
Just move on. What’s done is done.
I mean sucks to be the guy but nobody is in the wrong here i think.
From what you’re saying the guy saw you as “the one” without even knowing you. My guess is that your instincts told you he was lovebombing unconsciously (without any malicious intent).
Breaking things off face to face is better but when someone is just nice to you it becomes unbearably hard to break things off. Your reaction is understandable.
Sometimes you need to go with your gut. He’ll get over it. This happens all the time.
If you aren’t ready for a relationship then don’t go on dates with guys. It is really that simple. Once you are ready then start going out on dates. otherwise forcing yourself to go on dates when you aren’t ready for a relationship is going to make things worse on the guy’s end bc he will be lead on.