I (F) recently ended things with my ex after almost two (faithful) years . He truly broke me down – I felt unseen, lonely, unsafe, drained, and utterly empty. Despite giving the relationship my all, I reached a point where I couldn’t take it anymore.
After we broke up, he kept trying to get me back. A month later, he convinced me to let him back into my life to “try and work things out.” What I didn’t tell him was that I had already started talking to someone new. Looking back, I realize my ex never truly stopped the behaviors that hurt me. Even though he worked incredibly hard and his absolute best to be better and make me happy again, his actions felt even more hurtful. He was stubborn and wouldn’t accept that a month wasn’t enough time for me to heal, constantly pushing me to “deal with my hurt” when I wasn’t ready. My mistake was agreeing to try when I knew in my gut it wasn’t right.
The truth is, he made me feel intentionally unseen, unsafe, and alone. He was defensive, stubborn, and constantly applied pressure. Why would I ever tell someone like that I was talking to someone else?
The new guy offered me the understanding and communication I craved, making me feel special and heard for the first time in a long time. I couldn’t stop giving and receiving attention from him for 6 whole months, even while “trying to work things out” with my ex. My ex felt like I was acting weird recently and looked at my phone. He found the messages I sent the guy saying he’s making me blush and that I love his name. 🙁 I’m not proud of that
In hindsight, I absolutely cheated. Nobody deserves to be cheated on, no matter how “bad” they might be. I deeply regret hurting him. My ex even felt like I was intentionally trying to hurt him, and he asked if he could seek attention outside our “reconciliation” efforts. I said no and we agreed not to talk to other people, yet I continued my actions with the other guy and was never honest about it. I was delusional and selfish… he even asked me if there was anything he should know and I kept lying to him.
Part of me wants to blame my ex for leaving me so broken and empty that I wasn’t myself. I used to be proactive, constantly striving for self-improvement, and confident in my ability to make the right choices. I lost that girl completely after being with him to a point where my mind was numb 24/7 Still, that’s no excuse for cheating. I’m glad I feel this guilt, though. It tells me I can still be a good person again.
TLDR: My ex broke me down, and when we tried to reconcile, I cheated on him because I was already talking to someone who made me feel seen. I regret hurting him.
Comments
Let that feeling be a lesson and don’t do this again. Listen to your gut, and don’t stay with partners that make you feel unseen and unsafe
Also how fair is it to the new guy that you were stringing him along during this time?
Use the guilt you feel as a guide and don’t do this again in the future. That’s all you can do at this point. Take responsibility for your own choices and do your own work and therapy to unpack why you found yourself in this situation, so you don’t do it again.
Putting aside morality.
Getting back with your ex is a bad idea.
I truly believe that people can and do change. However the change doesn’t happen in a month, it’s a long process which takes years.
Years of self reflection, change in circumstances, therapy and other means.
In fact by coming back with your ex you will prevent him to grow. He will go back to same exact environment with same exact girlfriend. He won’t be able to change.
The best thing to do is to move on.
You should have fully left him to begin with