Growing up in Florida wasn’t sunshine and palm trees for me. My family was chaotic, screaming, manipulation, silent treatments. I left home at 18, started bartending, tried to outrun it all.
Now I babysit for a living. The kids are sweet, innocent. I envy that. I fake smiles all day, then collapse at night with this heaviness I can’t shake.
I’m tired of pretending I’m healed just because I left. Some wounds don’t fade, they follow you everywhere.
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Take the time to feel those feelings, interpret with less judgement each people in your family. You can slowly find your rest and peace now that you are distant and independ. Personally I recommend walks in nature, they help keep you in a calm state while you reflect and digest your history. I recommend therapy, of course, but I realise this may be expensive. There will be books out there.
You’re the first to break the cycle. I hope you find strength to carry on breaking that chain
I also escaped. It gets easier the more you talk about it with someone. A professional counselor validating that it WAS NOT NORMAL for certain things to happen is REALLY helpful
Well done on being brave enough to put yourself first.
Take it day by day, keep being brave and keep doing what’s best for you.
This Internet friend is proud of you.
It will take some time you will heal
You have to learn forgive and forget other you will be in peace if you forgive every single person who hurt you
Leaving the chaos doesn’t magically erase the echoes. Some baggage has relentless wheels.
I’m F/66 still unraveling, processing and trying to shed the damage from my toxic mother who didn’t want me from the womb, who then poisoned my older siblings to not care about me either, from when I can remember to this day. I’m not worth caring about. It can stay w you a lifetime. Im still trying to undo the low self esteem + worth + respect
It’s hard. You try your best.
OP. I grew up in an abusive home. Physically and mentally. My mother was a narcissist. She perpetuated most of the abuse but I’ve been punched by my father.
My parents were welfare rats. White trash. I grew up in a dilapidated trailer that leaked during the winter. We didn’t always have heat or running water. And there were 6 kids and 2 adults.
With all that said… I’m almost 49 now… I left home and was almost 300lbs bc I ate to deal with the abuse.
I also left home and eventually left my home state to “Run away” from it all.
I dropped the weight. I ended up putting myself through college bc I wanted a different life…
The best I can say and offer is if you can get into some counseling. Or find some free group therapy (there are some entities if you look via community or churches). Or just speaking your truth to friends and family.
I stopped hiding the truth. As a child no one in HS knew and half of my family said they didn’t “know”… even tho the State removed 2 of my sisters from the home for abuse.. but that’s another long story…
Once I started just being honest about my past it helped me realize I was a child. I didnt have control in ANY of that…. but where I have control… WAS MY OWN LIFE!!
I cut all ties with my parents. They weren’t invited to my wedding. When I left I was on my own. No one to help. No one to give me money. I worked 2 or 3 jobs at a time if needed.
I saved and saved and went without a lot. And while I’m gonna tell you… if you want an amazing better life…. YOU ABSOLUTELY can have it!! But it won’t come as easily as if does for others.
But it’s absolutely possible! I should have been a repeat welfare rat. Teen pregnancy. Alcoholic. Drug addict. With all that happened to us as kids…. but somewhere in my soul…. I survived so that I could Thrive…
You’re headed to your THRIVING girl!! You just gotta get through some of the depression you feel. I know that feeling ….. and I hope you find the strength in yourself to see you deserved better.
I deserved better. EVERY child abused deserves better. It doesn’t always mean we get it… but at 18…. we have the ability to change our own course of life. I had to be my own superhero!!
I hope you find your inner superhero and let them out and flourish 😘❤️🫶
A therapist is helping me work on anxiety and trauma. I’ve been able to process a lot and it’s helped me so much. Congratulations on breaking the cycle of abuse. You deserve happiness, I promise it’s out there.
You got out, and that took strength — but healing doesn’t start and end with distance. Survival mode doesn’t just switch off. The weight you’re carrying is real, and it makes sense.
You’re not failing because you still feel it. You’re rebuilding from something you never should’ve had to survive. Be gentle with yourself. Healing isn’t about pretending you’re fine — it’s about finally letting yourself feel, rest, and be safe.
The kids you watch? They’re lucky to have someone who sees the value of innocence. That’s your strength — not a flaw. You deserve the same care you give them.
Keep going. You’re not alone in this.
It takes a long long time, but believe it or not journaling helps, I put it in a book it pored on to the paper , ??? get it out, see a counselor, I also lean on my faith, try and live your best life, that’s the best revenge, you can’t change the past only your self, my sister an I broke this horrible cycle, and we’re so happy now, their are great people that will be there for you, choose them wisely, wish you the best
Meditation can help relieve you of those burdens. Maybe when you come home after work, start a meditation ritual. This can help you let that pain go.
Breaking cycles is so lonely. I’ve been in this exact same place for over 20 years, very little contact physically or emotionally with my parents and extended family aside from my sister who unfortunately wasn’t so lucky.
I have a 12-year-old who is literally the best thing that ever happened to me. I still have to force my parents’ toxic traits outta me with a fucking torch and pitchfork, it’s exhausting but worth it, knowing my child will NEVER know the life I had. His happiness is my only motivation some days and finding that purpose, by proxy, has helped me heal immensely.
M28 I moved country and I still feel the scars. My family scapegoated me for anything my cousins did, I did everything to earn their approval and nothing worked. I suffered severe abuse both physically and otherwise from multiple family members and to this day it hurts.
What helps me however, is crystallising in my heart and mind who I am. I know I try my best, I know I’m kind and try to help others when I can, I know I didn’t deserve what happened and I don’t deserve to feel this way because of those people.
You have not run away, you have stood up and starting living for you, there is nothing wrong with that. Your life is your own now, they have no hold on you, and you deserve love and happiness. Blood doesn’t make a connection, it doesn’t mean family, only love, honour and trust do. You have been freed, don’t be hard on yourself now, take it easy and little by little just look after what you feel, try to stand back and observe your feelings when you feel able to. You’ll get through this, and you will find what you’re looking for ❤️
It’s taken years of therapy to unpack the trauma from my childhood and make peace with it. We can’t change the past, but we can stop it from overwhelming the present and holding our future hostage. Wishing you peace.
You need a therapist. You’ll carry this until you deal with it.
I’m really sorry you’ve been through all that. Healing takes time, and just because you left doesn’t mean the weight’s gone. You don’t have to pretend you’re fine, it’s okay to not be healed yet. Take it one day at a time.😊
You have to let it go. You’re free! I come from a corrupted family system too. We have to learn to be that parent we never had in life. I hope things work out.
You are thinking about the past which does not exist, If u take a moment and see.. the truth is you are doing fine, if u need something to do then you can do meditation especially breathing techniques, diet also affects mental health so try to eat fresh foods, read books and soo many fun things to do