Hello..this is my very first Reddit post and i apologize if i do sth wrong..
Me and my fiance have been together for about 3 years, half a year of being engaged by now.
Here and there he has been avoiding arguments or lying about some minor things but overall i was happy with him and i really saw a future in us.
Now recently i have found out that he subscribed to a female cosplayers OF for one month. When i confronted him, he said it was a one time thing because he got curious. Said he just looked and thats it.
I also cosplay but just for fun and this made me really really upset. I feel like i wasnt enough to him and i feel inferior to the OF girl. For now we didnt break up but im scared. Im scared that this will never heal and haunt me forever. Im scared of loosing the loml. I dont want to leave, i wanna believe he will never do it again but im scared..
Any advice?
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nobody pays for an OF subscription because they’re ‘curious’ 😭 you’re still very young; would the love of your life be paying money for porn behind your back? would you ever do that to someone you deem ‘the love of your life’?
You only think he’s been lying about minor things. He lies about everything he doesn’t want you to know about. EVERYTHING, you’ve only found out about the little stuff so far.
This man isn’t faithful to you. He’s never going to be because his relationship with integrity doesn’t exist.
Talk it out. Tell him clearly, “OF and OF type activities undermine the health of this relationship and lower my self esteem. I don’t want you to do that anymore.”
I’d suggest talking to him first and fully explain how you feel and set boundaries around it if you really wanna give him another chance.
My advice, stop making such a big deal over what’s essentially nothing. Guys will look at pretty girls; sometimes guys will pay to look at pretty girls, but once the novelty wears off, they realize it’s silly.
What this comes down to is you got your feelings hurt and you’re looking for someone to blame for that. Right or wrong he did what he did and not with the intention to hurt you. He’s probably more embarrassed by this than anything else so don’t lay it all on him. He’s only responsible for your “feelings” to a certain point and after that, it’s on you.
Bounce
I’d say if this is the 1st time anything like this has happened to maybe cut him a break after explaining that this is not OK and won’t be forgiven next time. He probably was just curious how risque the OF content was and signed up to see it once. Guys do dumb shit when they’re horny.
So he subscribed to an OF site for one month and you are ready to end your engagement? I mean, you are seriously thinking that you will never heal from him subscribing to an OF account for 30 days? He didn’t cheat, didn’t try to talk to another woman, he subscribed to a cosplay account. Not a big deal, IMO.
It seems like this may be just a minor issue on top of alot of other issues. My advice would be to deal with those other issues and stop ignoring them. If you don’t deal with those issues, every other minor issue will become a big issue.
Keep his belly full and balls empty.
I once saw a woman getting interviewed and she said she has sex every single day with her husband before sleeping especially. And her husband was at peace. So he had so much post nut clarity lol.
Like he could feel the earth move and might be shooting blanks at that point.
And I guarantee he’ll not think of anything else. So yeah. That’s the way. (I’m a male btw)
Yes he subscribed to an OF but that’s not even the issue here. The big issue is he didn’t tell you, you found out on your own. Whether it was OF, an affair, or something else, he’s now shown you that he will go behind your back because “he got curious” and then never let you know. If he had quickly come to you after doing it to apologize and let you know he did it in a moment of weakness and he regrets it, I’d say there’s room for forgiveness. But he was never going to tell you. If this is also the first month he’s subscribed, now you can’t trust he wasn’t going to keep up the subscription. He may say it was a one time thing, but if you had found out three months from now he may have had an OF subscription for four months instead of one.
Another thing to keep in mind: cheating looks different for every relationship. For most, sleeping with another person is obviously cheating. For some, porn and OF type content is cheating. Personally, I wouldn’t be upset if my partner used OF or watched porn. It doesn’t bother me, but I’m pretty sure I’m in the minority for that most the time. The important thing about your situation is to consider if he would have known you’re not okay with this. Have you had conversations about what is considered cheating and whether that kind of stuff is okay? “We never talked about it” would be a weak excuse on his part considering he still hid it from you,” but if you want the relationship to continue you’ll need to find a way to give him forgiveness. It’s also totally valid for this to be a dealbreaker and to end things
What else has he lied about?
Have you ever discussed expectations about porn?
Anything can be a deal breaker. I wouldn’t be very concerned about buying porn once. I would be very concerned about a pattern of dishonesty.
3 years and hes already spending money to look at other women. What will happen once you get married, pregnant, fat, older etc.?
I’d say nothing good.
Im guessing you haven’t made this boundary before. Best bet would be to forgive and move on with the clear understanding of what you’re not okay with… paying for porn, porn at all, whatever. You guys definitely aren’t ready to get married if these basic things aren’t out of the way.
If you never set a boundary before now it’s not something that should be harshly punished. If he knew you don’t like him watching sexual content then it’s bad. If you never said anything then why punish him at all. Every couple is different. I’ve watched porn together with a partner and I’ve been banned from porn with a partner. But you have to communicate that stuff
What is OF Subscription
What would you do if you caught your fiancé smoking and you thought he was a non-smoker?
Hey, just please do yourself a favor and take every “black or white” advice you see on her with a grain of salt. This is reddit. Most people on here are not going to give you practical advice. They’re gonna tell you to break up or get over it. Its very black and white here, so try to take it easy.
Only you know your relationship. Trust your guts kid.
if my hubby did that i’d point at him and call him a dweeb
Have some self respect and break up with him. Why are you staying with someone who has lying issues?
I don’t see any reason why you guys couldn’t work through this. Talk through it or go to couple’s counseling if you feel professional help is needed. Be clear on boundaries and expectations. He needs to be more honest and you need to go heal yourself. Honestly I think it’s an overreaction to consider ending an engagement over this. If everything is else has been great and this is the only bump in the road… this is too strong of a reaction here. It sounds like you might have some insecurities or unresolved wounds you need to work on too.
OF IS CHEATING.
Idc what anyone says.