this is a long story but ill try to keep it as short as possible.
i (F/24) did my bachelors in comp sci in my home country and decided to go to another country to pursue my masters in data science at a really good university. thats where i met my boyfriend – lets call him david.
david and i were in the same class as he was pursuing a data science masters as well. long story short, we started dating a couple months later.
throughout this entire time, i hadnt been doing well academically. i had a really low gpa and was placed on academic probation twice and had only one last chance to raise it up. david was really supportive throughout and helped as much as he could so i could graduate. i wasnt able to raise my gpa to the threshold so i made the difficult decision to go back to my home country and work there instead.
initially, i thought i would switch my career and try to do something that i like. i got a creative role but one month in, i got an offer for a data science position at a really good company so i decided to drop the creative role and started working as a data scientist.
now here’s where i feel like breaking up would be the kind thing to do. yesterday, david and i were talking and he mentioned how he was finding it difficult to explain to his friends/roommates/his family as to why i quit and went back home just to do the exact same thing that i wasnt able to finish. we both come from conservative families so him telling his family that i was kicked out for poor performance is not an option.
i fully understand his perspective because i see my parents struggle to explain to people why i was back as well. i also know that it is much harder for me because i am the one that has been living through all this. this is the first time david has talked about this and i feel really bad that ive been putting my close ones in a position to lie about my past. i also know that if his family ever knew the truth about me, they would never accept me. recently, i have been feeling like i should just break up with him so that he doesnt have to live through all this. this is my pain and my past and no one should be subject to the backlash of it.
honestly, i am super lost. can yall give me advice?
tldr: went to a diff country to do my masters and met my boyfriend. was forced to drop out of my university and move back home. boyfriend and i are in ldr for the past 6-7 months. he is finding it difficult to explain why i dropped out to his conservative family as they wouldn’t accept me if they knew the truth. thinking of breaking up with him so he doesn’t have to worry about this.
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If I were you, I’d try to finish the masters degree program and focus on that first. See what you can do to make amends with the university. Maybe you were too distracted from your studies with this boy? You have a long and promising career ahead of you, so try to think long term with finishing your education first. There will be many boys who will come and go throughout your life.
Hey, I just want to say that you’re being way too hard on yourself. Failing to finish your master’s program doesn’t define you or your worth, and honestly, the fact that you landed a solid data science job so quickly shows that you’re talented and capable.
As for David, it sounds like he cares about you, but maybe he’s just feeling awkward about explaining your situation to others. That doesn’t mean he’s ashamed of you, it might just mean he doesn’t know how to handle other people’s questions. If you really care about him, have an open conversation instead of jumping straight to the idea of breaking up. Ask him how he feels and tell him how much you’ve been struggling with guilt over this.
Relationships shouldn’t be about perfection. They’re about honesty and support. If his family can’t accept you because of something like this, that says more about them than it does about you.
You deserve someone who’s proud to stand by you and from what you wrote, it sounds like David has been doing that so far. Maybe give yourself some grace before you make any big decisions.
With all that said, I know how it feels to have to lie to others to protect your reputation. If you see a future with David, I promise in the long run, it doesn’t matter what others think. If you break up with David and find love with someone else who comes from a conservative background, won’t you still have to lie about your previous failure?
That sounds like a good plan. I think it will always haunt you in knowing you were so close to finishing, but decided not to. My sister did the same thing with another degree and regretted it the rest of her life.
It sounds like you’re carrying a lot of weight on your shoulders… protecting the people you care about from your past must feel heavy. Getting back on track with school could do more than just boost your resume, it might actually take some pressure off, kinda? How do you think that would work for you