Hi Reddit. I just broke up with my partner after living together for a year and being together for 2. I’m feeling really torn and confused, so I just need to get this out and hear what others think.
Earlier today, I had a gut feeling and went through his backpack. I know it’s not ideal, but something didn’t feel right. I found sexual performance pills — which was already suspicious because he has high blood pressure and shouldn’t be taking those. But what hit me even harder was the receipt… he had also bought condoms. We don’t use condoms in our relationship, so that made me feel sick.
To make things worse, I checked his Instagram messages. He wasn’t sexting anyone, but he was messaging other women, inviting them out and asking for their numbers — especially during times when I was at work or out of town.
When I confronted him, he denied cheating and said he never actually met up with anyone. He admitted to the conversations but insisted nothing physical happened. He keeps asking for another chance and says he’s willing to prove himself, but I honestly feel like something broke inside me.
I don’t think I can trust him again. Even if he didn’t sleep with anyone, I feel like he was preparing to. And emotionally, he already crossed a line. I feel betrayed and sad, but mostly numb.
Has anyone been through something similar? Did you give them another chance? Did it work? I’m just trying to figure out if my doubts are too much to come back from.
Comments
Backup of the post’s body: Hi Reddit. I just broke up with my partner after living together for a year and being together for 2. I’m feeling really torn and confused, so I just need to get this out and hear what others think.
Earlier today, I had a gut feeling and went through his backpack. I know it’s not ideal, but something didn’t feel right. I found sexual performance pills — which was already suspicious because he has high blood pressure and shouldn’t be taking those. But what hit me even harder was the receipt… he had also bought condoms. We don’t use condoms in our relationship, so that made me feel sick.
To make things worse, I checked his Instagram messages. He wasn’t sexting anyone, but he was messaging other women, inviting them out and asking for their numbers — especially during times when I was at work or out of town.
When I confronted him, he denied cheating and said he never actually met up with anyone. He admitted to the conversations but insisted nothing physical happened. He keeps asking for another chance and says he’s willing to prove himself, but I honestly feel like something broke inside me.
I don’t think I can trust him again. Even if he didn’t sleep with anyone, I feel like he was preparing to. And emotionally, he already crossed a line. I feel betrayed and sad, but mostly numb.
Has anyone been through something similar? Did you give them another chance? Did it work? I’m just trying to figure out if my doubts are too much to come back from.
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No no no no no no
He is a liar and cheater and not trustworthy
He’s asking for another chance because he wasn’t able to get laid but he was def preparing to. DO NOT give him another chance. He will just try to do the same thing in the future
you’re young. 27 may not feel young to you rn but it’s a baby. you don’t have any children together from what you’ve shared. this is a good thing. he’s already made attempts to stray 1 year into living together. this should be the honeymoon phase. you can ask all the strangers in the world for advice but only you know your gut. he’s not right. it’s not right. this relationship is not right.
a lot of words are being promised rn. but he’s made those promises before. just not with a knife to his throat. now he knows he can do it again but each year you’ll be older and older and more emotionally pot stuck.
rip the bandaid off now. it hurts deeply once.
I suspect he is (or will be) trickle truthing you. He has admitted to the messsaging, condoms and pills because you found them and he can’t really deny them, but is denying everything else. If you found further proof of actually meeting up then he’d probably claim he met them but nothing happened. He’ll say it only happened once, then twice if further proof is discovered. Then eventually kissing but not sex. Oh wait there was sex but only once. You get the picture.
You’re young and have only been together two years and he’s already showing interest in cheating? This is bad news (it’s always bad news). The first two years should be the most fun years.
He can’t be trusted. Move on. Leave him to his multiple partners and willy pills.
You went through the heartache of breaking up. Do not go back. 2 years is still the honeymoon phase. If he is pulling this crap already he is not worth the effort of reconciliation.
do not give him another chance. never trust him. it looks like he is preparing to cheat and will cheat when he gets the chance. you are still young, you don’t need this kind of man in your life.
No. Please. Follow your intuition. Also your partner give a reason for the pills and condoms? Cause if he didn’t cheat and wants you back so much why he needs those things.
Even if he didn’t follow through yet it’s obvious if the opportunity presented itself he would follow through.
Do not take this man back.
You were right to end things. He was actively trying to cheat. Who knows if he didn’t? Get heated and get out!
You go back and you’re always gonna have the feeling of not trusting him. He shattered the trust in relationship. You will never be at ease.
Nope and nope, block him
Don’t waste your time, stay broken up.
You are being foolish to even be talking to him. Block him before he manipulates you. This was not one lapse. This was multiple attempts at cheating and perhaps he was successful some of the time too. Even if all of the girls said no, that only shows he does not have game and that he does not see any reason to be loyal to you. Now whenever you are apart, you will be wondering who he is with. Not worth it.
You already found all the evidence and he’ll say whatever he thinks will get him out of this. The condoms tell the true story. He’s an emotional cheater building up to full on physical cheating, but I would put money down he’s already popping pills and doing meetups having sex and he’s full on lying to you.
No matter what, he’s emotionally cheating and lying to you. You’ve seen the evidence with your own eyes and held it in your own hands.
Get and stay away from him. He’s been doing this right in front of you, and nothing he can say will make it go away.
After you get moved out, block him on everything.
Also, get an appointment at the clinic for STI testing.
Trust is gone. You deserve so much better! Go find it. He is NOT “the one”.
Updateme
If you take him back, when he cheats…that’s when, not if…you’ll be a volunteer and not a victim. You can do better. Maintain your dignity.
how can he have his cake and eat it too if you take away his cake!
Major red flag OP, he does not respect you at all!! Do you really want to live this way? Always looking over your shoulder to make sure he is not cheating? He showed you who he really is. Believe him
Three years is enough of an investment for the low return you have. Don’t worry about the past enjoy the present and prepare for a different future.
Don’t listen to him.
You can’t trust him, and he’s a loser.
Another chance for ….what, exactly?
If you take him back, it will be regret. In a month, or six months, or 6 years, you’ll be regretting time wasted with this lying loser.
Don’t believe his lies. Go get checked for STDs.
Yes, I gave him another chance. Saw growth. Then, he did the same shit again.
YOU CANNOT TRUST HIM. Stop even considering going back unless you like being cheated on and lied to. Yikes.
No never make the same mistake twice!! he will do it again he can’t help himself, you will find the right one and he isn’t it.
Fuck that guy. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
DO NOT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!!!!!
DO NOT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!!!!
DO NOT GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE!!!!!
I AM GOING TO KEEP SCREAMING THAT TO YOU THROUGH THIS SCREEN UNTIL YOU HEAR ME!!!!
Run like hell in the opposite direction!
So, you are considering giving him a second chance because he was (supposedly) unsuccessful at cheating?
Block him. You’re at a great age to move on.
This is a forever deal breaker. I would never trust this guy again.
You need time to grieve. Reach out to your support network.
He sounds manipulative.
Whether it’s true he didn’t actually cheat is meaningless. He was actively trying to cheat, and just wasn’t successful.
That’s like someone arrested for attempted robbery saying “but I didn’t actually rob them”
Just block him before he gets someone pregnant or gives you a STD.
Updateme
You can’t trust people who are untrustworthy. He doesn’t need the pills and the condoms if they aren’t having sex. So he’s not only cheating, he’s lying.
You’ve only got 2 years in this. The good guy mask has fallen off. He’s shown you what he is. Don’t waste your twenties on a guy like this.
You don’t think you can trust him again? Of course you can’t trust him again. The man’s a piece of crap who does not care about your feelings whatsoever. Dump his sorry ass and find a real man who doesn’t cheat.
If he didn’t, he was at least preparing to move on and find someone else don’t waste your youth with people like this
You already ended it. Now you have two more big reasons to dump him. And even less trust. Keep going and don’t look back!
Do not go back. He is only sorry because he got caught.
Use this opportunity to help him learn, and move on. Tell him very directly how he made you feel, and what you need in a partner. Then walk away.
It’s the best thing you can do for him, and it’s most likely (if not absolutely) the best thing you can do for yourself. Otherwise this will likely be a drawn out version of the same crushing experience. What you tell him you need – that’s what you actually deserve so keep that door open for the partner who can be that for you !!!
Now you know who he really is. You did exactly the right thing, don’t doubt yourself for a second. If you gave him another chance, he’d eventually screw up again. And you’d never trust him regardless. Go find someone worthy.
Oh hell no. His words mean nothing. He lies. He hasn’t changed. He’ll do it again. Put him in your past, unless you want a lifetime of betrayal.
He’s a liar as well as a cheater. Was it a box of condoms? Was it open- were any missing? Then he cheated.
BYE
Do not give him another chance? You won’t be able to trust him. He will keep lying. He will just be sneakier.
You’ll never trust him again. Don’t do that to yourself.