So me F18 and my boyfriend M19 have been together since we were 9 and 10 years old and we grew up with eachother in the same neighborhood. This all started when we were 16 and 17 when i gave him his first BJ and had sex with him and he got HOOKED on BJs. I at first really liked it too, but then we started doing it so often it started feeling like a chore and i just don’t really want to do it anymore. I told him this but he still insists and/or bothers me until i end up doing it (i.e. putting my hand there, saying c’mon, teasing me and then as soon as i think we’re going to actually have sex puts his y’know in my mouth) He doesn’t even do anything for me either but the teasing (which only lasts a minute) I just find it unfair and just not stimulating at all anymore. I’ve communicated with him about this so many times but to no avail. So my question is… how do i handle something like this? What do you all think about this? I just really need advice on anything about this.
TL:DR
I gave my bf (M19) a BJ when we were younger. We do it every time i see him and now i no longer enjoy it and need advice on how to deal with the situation.
Comments
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Bite him
Introduce teeth and problem solved,then after that tell him to quit porn
Make him give you head constantly instead of
You handle it by breaking up with that insensitive selfish childish jerk
Tell him he’s just a one way and to go play with himself. You’re done.
You say no. Full stop. Stand your ground and say firmly, “no.” What he’s doing right now is not okay. It’s really toxic manipulation to pester you until you give into a sexual act you dont want to do.. it’s toxic to the point of being literal sexual assault. That is not okay.
Talk to him when youre not “in the moment”. Explain to him exactly like you did here that what he’s doing makes you feel very uncomfortable and it’s even worse that he doesn’t reciprocate. Explain that moving forward, you expect him to (xyz, whatever feels right to you) and when he doesn’t follow through, you BREAK UP WITH HIM.
He’s showing you very loudly that he does not respect you. Do not tolerate that.
I can here ready to thInk about how to try to help you, then got to the part about how he doesn’t do anything for you. How are you putting up with this?
Refuse to give him head anymore. I personally would break up with a person that did this– sex is supposed to be fun for both parties, not just one. You’re saying you don’t want to do it, and he’s insisting that you do.
If you’ve told him you don’t like it, he’s neglecting your needs/desires, and actively attempting to “trick” you into it, then yes you should break up. You’re young. You have a world of options out there. To me, no 19 year old manchild is worth putting up with this type of behavior. There are other fish in the sea
He’s sexually assaulting you if he’s making you do things you don’t want to do.
You’ve been “together” from an inappropriately young age. Children that age shouldn’t have boyfriends and girlfriends and I’m shocked no adults in your life have never intervened. Don’t let that stop you from breaking up with him though. I would probably try and get some form of therapy before you get into another relationship. You are so vulnerable to future abusers
Tie him to the bed and sit on his face to wake him up. When he gets you off, take a moment to breathe and make him do it again at least once or twice.
Then go to sleep. When you wake up, you can think about returning the favor.
That’s how I learned a long time ago. It worked for us. No, we are not still together, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.
Just stop doing it. And you might want to consider dumping him, too. He’s a selfish twat.
You should set a clear boundary. If you say no, then no it is. See what happens if he doesn’t get what he wants. You might learn something useful.
This sounds a lot like coercion which is NOT okay
Tell him you’re going to break up with him if he doesn’t stop, and if he doesn’t, break up with him.
Leave him girl, my ex started like this then it grew till he got me pregnant. He is assaulting you consent is an enthusiastic Yes! Him begging you is coercion and Thats form of assault.
You stop giving him BJs if you don’t enjoy it. It’s not a requirement.
You have a bit of responsibility on this as you’ve helped condition him to this and have allowed yourself to be manipulated.
You have more power than you probably realize as you have something that he wants. Use that to your advantage. Get what you want and make sure your sex life is mutually beneficial.
You break up with the guy who is sexually asaulting you.
Sounds like a terrible bf. Only worried about his orgasm tbh
Tell him u first or together
OP, it is really that bad.
The term is “sexual coercion” and it is a form of sexual assault. Sex should be based on “enthusiastic consent” where everyone is willing and eager and wants their partner to be eager and having a good time as well.
I am sorry to point out that your boyfriend knows that you are not wanting to give him a bj because you said no. He chooses to reject your right to say no because your happiness and contentment is less important than his wants.
Make no mistake here, OP, a bj is a “nice to have” like an ice cream cone on a summer afternoon. It’s lovely to have, but it is not necessary to one’s health or happiness.
What is important in a healthy relationship? That each person feels valued and respected and loved. Your boyfriend is not respecting you and by not respecting you he is showing he doesn’t value you except in the sense of what you can do for him.
You deserve better, OP. Sex is wonderful, but only when everyone is on the same page. The fact that your boyfriend is okay with a reluctant partner as long as he gets what he wants is disturbing.
It’s disturbing because it is a tactic abusive partners use with other boundary pushing behaviours to groom or condition their partners for more abuse.
I am NOT SAYING your boyfriend will go to more extreme behaviours, like hitting or confinement. What I am saying is your boyfriend is behaving in a way that has been well documented as problematic. We don’t know enough here.
So read “Why does he do that” by Lundy Bancroft, and see if your boyfriend is showing other traits and behaviours. Your boyfriend could be a selfish, inconsiderate teenager or he could be an abusive partner in the early stages, we can’t tell but both possibilities need to be considered at this point.
Meanwhile, do not go anywhere with your boyfriend that you can not leave by yourself in a hurry. If your boyfriend asks for a bj, say “No, and if you ask again I am leaving”. If he does, then get up and leave immediately. Even if he tells you that he will stop, don’t stay. If he is just a selfish, inconsiderate teenager, then you need to reestablish that his behaviour will not be rewarded. Sadly, same tactics as teaching a toddler not to throw tantrums.
Either way, your boyfriend’s behaviour is an indication that he needs to do a lot of work on himself before he will be a good partner to anyone.
You need to do some work on yourself as well. It is okay to disappoint your partner and decline sex. You need to value your needs and wants as EQUAL to your partner. A partner who does not respect, trust, value, like and love you and treat you that way is far worse than no partner at all.
Honestly, the fact that you’re speaking change and advice goes to show how much you’ve grown since you guys were kids and what you want out of the relationship.
My advice to you is that he’s all you know and that if you feel like the relationship has set it course you should explore other options. He sounds like he’s young minded and not willing to meet you half way.
You deserve someone who is compassionate in both the emotional and physical part.
Hope you find what you’re looking for.
Peace & Love
How often does he go down on you? It’s a two way street. Only give as much as you get!
ARE you dating, or is he using you for sex? It doesn’t sound like you’re dating…
He’s spoiled! You spoiled him. At his age, your pleasure is the last thing he is going to think about. You never made it a priority anyway. Your choice now is to break up with him and not spoil the next guy. Make sure it’s equal pleasure. He will quickly learn with his next GF that it isn’t all about him. If not with her, then the next one or the next. It’s how we all learn. Eventually, you will both grow up sexually.
You can’t unspoil him now. The damage is done. This happens in relationships all the time. One or the other gives more without complaint. THEN suddenly decides they want reciprocation and feel disrespected. The reason the spoiled one stuck around was because it was all about them. When that changes, they tend to want to move on. The relationship has convinced them they are all that and a bag of chips. They don’t have to care about their partner.
At 19, he is nothing but a walking, talking sex drive. Break up with him. You’ll own him! You have a drug he’ll want, LOL! Girls in his age bracket are going to be a little less willing to spoil him. You were groomed. When he comes back with his sad face, sweet nothings, and a pocket full of condoms you’ll have a chance to hit reset and change the behaviors.
Google sexual coercion.
Then end things because you shouldn’t engage in sexual acts you don’t want.
So I don’t agree with the comments that this is SA, but if you want to try and work through it, suggest 69.. so youre getting something too.. and only put in as much effort as he does… he stops his part, you stop yours… make him work for it!
Dump him. He’s coercing you to do sexual activities that you don’t want to do. You are being sexually abused. He’s repeatedly sexually assaulting you.
Since you guys have been together for so long and you’re obviously his first (sexual) partner I will give him the benefit of the doubt and just say maybe he doesn’t know better but here are the facts:
– In a long lasting and healthy sexual relationships both of the partners have to be happy with the level of satisfaction they get from it. If he doesn’t want to do foreplay fine, no one can force him but the logical consequence is that you will grow resentful of the situation.
– He can’t force you to do sh*t and pestering someone until they give in is as much abuse as is anything else that harms you, so stand your ground and don’t allow this behavior.
Both of you are so young and learning about life and it’s actually really cute that you guys are a couple since such a young age (as long as you kept it age appropriate), but just so you know that his behavior regarding this isn’t normal or acceptable.
What you are describing is sexual assault. Loving good partners want you to enjoy the sexual acts you engage in. He doesn’t care about you unless he gets what he wants. This isn’t a good relationship and it should be handled by breaking up.
He’s lazy and insensitive to your needs. Tell him to go down on you every time before you give him a bj.
Girl break up with him. If you don’t wanna you have to stand your ground more and say “every time you want head you have to give it to me first” just wait how quick he’ll say nvm