[F19] here. I’ve been seeing this guy for about two months [23M]. He’s the whole package. Attractive, a gentleman, pays for our dates, wants to see me every week, is always asking to hang out, and reassures me without even having to ask. But there’s one thing. I don’t have the urge to hug, kiss, or be physically affectionate with him, and it feels weird to me. Compared to the last person I was seeing, it was night and day. (He [M21] doesn’t matter all that much to the story, but he was very avoidant, and had me playing guessing games/feeling anxious all the time. I no longer see him.) I’m not comparing the two as people, the new guy I’m seeing is better tenfold. But I’m comparing the way I behaved in each one, and it doesn’t make sense. At two months with the previous guy, I was very affectionate with him, always wanting to hold, touch, kiss, etc. But at the two-month mark of this one, I’m not feeling it. Shouldn’t I be all over him because he treats me so well? With the last guy who didn’t make me feel secure, I was very “loving” if that makes sense. Shouldn’t this behavior be flipped?
TL;DR- The guy I’m with treats me so well, but I have no urge to be physically affectionate, compared to my previous partner, who treated me lesser than but I was all over him. Why can’t I bring myself to be that way with my new partner?
Comments
It’s where the phrase “treat em mean keep em keen” and “nice guys finish last” came from.
It is the result of a lack of self worth, self love and confidence.
The 2nd guy making you comfortable gave you the ick. He should’ve just hung out and let the anticipation grow. Knowing you have him, means could probably do better.
That anxiety you had from the first guy is butterflies, which is you being attracted to him. The fact that you don’t know if you truly have him. Means you have to work towards him. You only date up not down.
Women are wired wierd,
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Girl, don’t listen to those dudes in the comments.
You are simply not attracted to the new guy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It doesn’t matter how nice he treats you and how attentive he is, attraction is not about that. And no, you were not attracted to your ex simply cause he was playing games.
Attraction just is and you should never feel guilty for who you like.
If the new guy makes you feel okay, stay with him for a bit, see if you develop further feelings.
If not, he is not going to be the first or last nice guy in your life, don’t settle.
And lastly, just because someone acts nice and attentive, it doesn’t mean they are a genuinely nice person.