Throwaway because my old account makes me too easy to recognize.
I (19F) have a friend (19M, we’ll call him Fernando) who I’ve been in contact with for years. We met in high school when I moved to his school and have been in contact since. Even when he moved away and high school ended. Shortly after we met (at 15) he asked me out, and I (being an emotionally immature 15yo) told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship and proceeded to date someone else shortly after. Fernando took it well, honestly, and we’ve been good mates since.
Until recently, anyway.
He’s always been a very tiny little bit flirty, but I ignored it for the most part. Figured it just became a part of our friendship dynamic. He started calling me an affectionate pet name but one that could be blown off as something said to anyone. He has a bit of a habit of getting drunk and his messages are always super sweet when he does. To my shame I got a little bit curious about what would happen if I pushed it a little one night, trying to see if he still had feelings. I knew he’d be drinking, so I texted ‘Have a good night x’ as I’d be busy.
Well that night he tells me he loves me.
And honestly? I wished he wasn’t drunk and I could take it seriously. When messaging back I didn’t commit to anything because I didn’t want him to wake up and take it back. I asked if he’d regret it when he was sober and he told me he wouldn’t. I left it at basically that for the night and decided it was a discussion that should wait until the morning.
I invited him for a catch up (he lives 4 hours away now) on the next weekend just to catch up and also as an opportunity to gauge my feelings too. He agrees and actually comes all the way even though I offered to meet in the middle. I didn’t know whether or not it counted as a date and honestly spent the whole time nervous as hell. But honestly I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping it was a date. There were flirty little touches and it was honestly a little awkward, but I still had a great time.
So all sounds well and good at this point, until after.
It’s genuinely like talking to a whole new person. Dry as hell. So at that point I’m thinking he regrets it all because it’s like talking to a vending machine. Slow responses, one word answers, basically only me carrying the whole conversation. Naturally I’m a little pissed because this guy who showed interest first is now acting like it’s nothing. And maybe it is.
So I ask him, because I hate feeling confused. He says he doesn’t regret it, it counted as a date, and if he wanted to take it back he would’ve when he was sober. All valid points, and I don’t think he’s lying. But his responses are actually slowly draining the blood from my body. He also asked where I stand and maybe I should’ve been a little more forward but I was also feeling a little insecure at this point so I said I wasn’t sure. I did say that I was glad he didn’t regret it and I almost went to hold his hand during our date but panicked and backed out.
I really don’t want to pressure him into talking about it if he’s not ready, but I’m also confused and a little hurt. I also only just started to feel interested so I’m wondering if it’s even worth the energy I’m putting in considering he seems disinterested now. I know he’s the one who dropped the confession to begin with and he said he doesn’t regret it (again, I don’t think he’s lying) but it feels like everything’s kind of against this.
I’m trying to consider the possibility that he was being honest and also doesn’t want to date. Or that he’s trying to give me space to figure out how I’m feeling. Now I feel like I’ve killed any chances by opening the door to this discussion and maybe I should’ve just pretended his confession never happened.
So a few questions here…
Mostly how do I fix this? I’m sure our friendship will recover, we’re both stubborn, but I hate how awkward it is right now.
What are the chances he actually does regret it and now I’m showing interest he’s trying to find a subtle way to let me down?
How do I approach this without pressuring him? I feel like it’s all I’ve been asking him about recently but it’s stressing me tf out.
TL;DR. My friend got drunk and told me he loved me after I friendzoned him four years ago. We went on a ‘date’ and now he’s being cold, but told me he has no regrets. How do I make it all okay again?