I think i hate my boyfriend. Im not sure, maybe i just hate the person he has turned into & the person he has made me. For background information, we have a baby who is about to turn a year old. We started dating about 3 years ago and had talked about marriage and spending the rest of our lives together.
Things were pretty fucking amazing lol. Pregnancy was smooth, he was so supportive and kind throughout the whole 9 months. After having our baby, things started to go sideways. He started lusting over women on the internet, something he had done in the past but he had stopped (or i thought so?) and although he would see how much it would hurt me he would still repeat after swearing he’d change. I don’t think it was about not being attractive towards me anymore, i was a small girl before having our baby and although i was a bit meaty after giving birth he did show initiative towards sex.
Anyways, the online had completely ruined my self esteem and had gotten so bad that we had to take a month break. I thought that would have opened his eyes but things only got worse. We got back together and things seemed to be great until his attitude started to change towards me. Asking him to change our baby’s diaper seemed like a hassle. Asking him to spend his day off with us two seemed like a problem to him.
I think as a woman, we know when someone has caught our partners attention. I started to suspect, and attempted to go through his phone. He got super defensive and broke up with me. LOL i know. This was April this year. It hit me like a truck. Easter, spent alone, mother’s day spent alone. I remember he didn’t even wish me a happy mother’s day, my first mothers day smh.
I was not well, i couldn’t eat, i couldnt go a single hour without wondering why i was not good enough. It got so bad i lost 20 pounds in less than a month.(back to my small pre-pregnancy body yay?) We were sort of co-parenting during this? I was trying my absolute best to salvage our relationship and he was fully aware. I’d often beg for him to try and fix things with me for our baby but he had completely changed from my sweet, kind boyfriend to a mean, careless baby dad. He often hit me with “i don’t love you anymore, i don’t have any energy to put into this, move on.” This was so weird because a month prior he was telling me he loved me. A couple days after mothers day, i decided to text a girl he works with if she was talking to him.
I had already suspected of them two a couple weeks prior, his mom had mentioned a childhood friend he had reconnected with at his work. To my surprise, he had been talking to her romantically for a couple months. While we were still together. He would go behind my back, and hang out with her during work. He purchased an iphone for her birthday behind my back. He kissed her behind my back.
This hurt me so much because he was giving her all the love and attention i was begging him for. He was making me seem so crazy for speculating that he was cheating when j was right. I confronted him so many times and he had just denied everything in my face. Anywho, its been roughly 2 months since he cheated…. i took him back. We got an apartment and i am struggling. I know im stupid but he’s the only person i have. He cried to me and said he regrets everything, that he wants nothing to do with her and just wants me and his son… do i believe him ? no lol. I do not trust this man to go to the bathroom for to long. I often check his phone, i have found some porn but i just let it slide? its like i expected it? I would prefer him not to, it still hurts my feelings but the number one thing i would want him not to do is cheat again. I know im stupid and crazy for going back but i loved this man so so much, i poured so much into us for us to not end up together. Besides we have a son and the last thing i would want is for him to grow up in two different homes.
Today my boyfriend informed me that his shift has been changed to her shift. (Before they would only see eachother during overtime) and it made me so mad. Im mad at him more than anything i genuinely dislike him so much, he saw how much it made me upset and he acted so nonchalant about it. I still think about him cheating everyday. Certain words he says, certain items trigger me. He has become more attentive towards us, he claims he loves us and that we are on top of anything. But there are times he acts ice cold like before and i can’t help but feel so much disgust and discomfort over his presence. I don’t think he loves me, i have lost all trust i had in him and although i wishh i could just eat up everything he tells me i cant help but still see him as the man who cheated on the girl that would have done anything for him.
I dislike as a human being him so much, i enjoy his company sometimes but i think he has shit morals and shit priorities. I still care for him but there are times i just want to punch him in the face and kick him out. I used to not be like this, i feel like he has robbed my peace and turned me toxic. I hate feeling like i have to constantly check his phone, i hate feeling like i have to control him because he can’t control himself. I hate arguing with him over trust issued that he has applied to me. I hate him, i hate everything he put me through but i can’t leave him. I want him to love me and i want to try and love him again. I want us to be healthy, happy, and in love for our baby. Please when will i stop feeling like this.
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People get divorced for lesser reasons. Break up and find someone new?
Obviously he’s taking advantage of you and you’re kinda just letting him. You let him walk all over you and he’ll keep doing it because you always go back to him. He won’t stop. He won’t change. After the baby came he showed you who he is and you’re stuck in a fantasy.
Wake up. Fr wake up.
He’s not good for you or the kid. Even if you can’t find it in yourself to leave, think about the child. Do you want your kid to grow up in this kind of environment? Do you want your kid to think this kind of toxicity is normal? If not for you, leave for your kid.
Babe look into the future and see yourself. Do you think you can do this for another 3 years? 10? 20? Forever? Nothing is going to change. He’s not going to change. And when it gets to this point you’re more miserable staying with him than whatever life will throw at you when you leave. You are 20 years old. Far too young to sell the rest of your life to some bum who does not give a fuck about you. And who you don’t even like anymore!!!! Stand up!!!! If not for you then for your baby. Don’t let them suffer living in an unhealthy household because of your fears. Honest to god, the fear of leaving will NEVER go away. You just have to rip off the bandaid and just fucking do it. You cannot live the rest of your life like that. You and your baby deserve at least a chance at something else.
Okay, I’m not gonna lie, it’s incredibly fair that you don’t trust him. He broke your trust and that hurts, I know that pain. But him using porn is completely normal. That is just a normal human thing. I know you’re young and this is your first serious relationship, so I’m telling you now, that is not something to get upset at a partner about. And you looking at his phone regularly is not normal and not something you should be doing without his permission. While I understand you not trusting him, you also cannot be mad at him for having his shift changed (without his say) to be working with the person he was seeing. That’s not in his control.
I know you two have a child together, and that makes you important to each other. But this relationship WILL NOT last unless you go into couple’s therapy together. You don’t trust him and it seems like he probably resents you for being so controlling. Please look into couple’s therapy asap. If you want this relationship or to at least keep a friendly coparenting relationship, couple’s therapy will be essential.
You can leave him. You can always leave him. Your relationship is toxic, you can’t trust him, you’re both miserable. “Staying together for the kids” is just an excuse to avoid breaking up. It’s not healthy to bring up a child in a situation like this.
Stopped reading half way through, this is agonizing. Don’t beg. Do not ever beg a man for love or attention. He does not want to give it to you. Begging for it will turn him off more. He does not love or respect you. He will cheat again. And again. And again. Because you’ve shown him it’s ok, that you have no self respect and are afraid to be alone or without him. He knows you are not going to leave, he does not have to spend time with his baby, he does not have to feed or change diapers, he does not have to participate in being a parent or a partner and you will not only stay but beg him. I wish you some self esteem and a better life for you and your baby
I’m so sorry you are going through this. You know this, you deserve better. You deserve a man who isn’t lustful, deceiving, manipulative. You and your son deserve someone who truly loves and values you. You do not want your son to grow up with the same values as this guy. Think about it that way. You both deserve SO much better. Your feelings are completely valid and I am so sorry
I think in the long run, for the emotional wellbeing of yourself and your son, leaving him is the best option. I think I’d rather have two different houses than one house that is emotionally unregulated and full of hatred. You’ll never know if you don’t let go and honestly, at 20 years old, all it’ll do is reinforce your ability to be independent. Goodluck.
My wife cheated with her boss. I know so well how yiu feel. It destroys everything yiu are. The trust is the worst thing. Before she’d hug one of my friends no big deal now I’d question why. I couldn’t go to the area in town they cheated. Smells words and stupid things she does set it off in my minds. 12 years later it steal bothers me but I won’t let her rule over me like that. She was in a bad accident shortly after and I’m her care giver. I stayed which I said I never would if cheated on because I know she can’t take care of herself without me. But you’re young. Leave while you can it won’t get better. He will cheat again. And not because you’re not enough. It’s because he’s a boy. Find a man there’s good men out there that will love the both of you. Don’t be like me in my 50’s and knowing I wasted my life to take care of her. I sometimes think about being loved by someone not sex but just lived happy. Not be like me.
Girl just break up wtf! Why write a whole ass wall and open with ‘I hate my bf’. Break up!!!???
I feel bad for you, but your boyfriend is going to be cheating on you with the same girl Since they will be working the same shift, they will be cheating at work and then he will start coming home later etc. and eventually he will decide he wants to be single with no responsibilities. You really need to get your ducks in a row and plan on being single. I feel bad for you and your child. Good luck to you.
So sorry for what you’re going through. From what you’ve said, you should leave him, in my opinion. If it makes any kind of impact on you, here’s my reason; you’re raising a little boy, and the way you let his father treat you will affect how he treats women when he’s a man.
You’ll never know what his dad may say to him and encourage him to keep from you, but you can show him how to give respect and what a good, loyal person looks like.
I have a friend whose dad used to try and get her to keep “daddy/daughter silly secrets” which were just stories he made up whenever he’d be caught by her, cheating on her mother. She told her mum once by accident and he made her feel bad about it for years until he had a meltdown and broke his heart regretting everything, but it was obviously too little, too late. It’s forever changed her relationships; she doesn’t trust men at all and sabotages every relationship with extreme jealousy and paranoia and it’s really sad to see.
Someone will treat you right, love you, and be good to your little boy too. His father is a cheater and doesn’t deserve you. The last thing you need a new mum is trust issues from your boyfriend going to work every day.
Good luck, I hope everything works out for you 🫶🏻
Nothing changes if nothing changes. He’s not going to change. He has no reason nor desire to change. The only thing you can change is how you treat him. Stop begging him to love you. Stop giving him a chance to love you at all. Kick him out of your heart and lock the door behind him. He doesn’t deserve you. Let him have visits with his son, but don’t let him into ypur heart. Once you make up your mind to leave him, you will find ypur self esteem again with time. He is what is standing in between ypu and ypur self esteem.