I need boyfriend advice
I (F21) and my boyfriend (M23) have been dating for a little over a year. I have an issue where I am constantly thinking about him. I feel very conflicted about him because sometimes I question whether or not he really loves me.
Sometimes I’ll lay in my bed or whatever and I’ll get in these spirals where I realize he hasn’t called me pretty in a while or he never really says “I love you” unprompted unless we are saying goodbye to each other or that he hasn’t taken me out on a date in a while. But then the logical part of my brain is more like, well “that’s not necessarily true” and then lists a few examples or justifications to why it might seem that way. For example he very sweetly bought me ice cream when I was working hard on an essay, and spent 2 hours making me dinner when I hadn’t eaten all day.
Another thing I find that really bothers me and makes this overthinking worse is, he can be really negative when it comes to things that I like. He is ALWAYS joking, and I know that, but at some point the joking gets to be a lot. He doesn’t really try to indulge in my interests like I do with his because he doesn’t like the shows I watch, the music I listen to, or the hobbies I like to do. Which I obviously respect the fact that if he doesn’t like it he doesn’t like it, but I feel like we are always doing things he likes to do, and then on top of that I feel like he’s also slighting me and insulting my interests by making negative jokes about them. I talked to him about this last night but I don’t have full faith that I got the message across fully. And like, I feel like his jokes would be funnier if he actually knew what he was talking about and giving my interests the time of day. Then I can understand teasing me about how silly they are.
But anyway, I have such a hard time not seeing him a negative context when we aren’t together. And this habit makes me want to have serious conversations with him about all these different things I seem to have a problem with. But that’s the kicker. I know that constantly bringing up these kinds of minor issues that aren’t even necessarily true, makes it less likely for him to do them. Like if I just wait he will do something sweet for me or call me pretty next time we hang out and I will feel revalidated, but then when we separate for the week the cycle will continue. I make myself miserable thinking about how he doesnt love me anymore when I know that isn’t even true, but I feel like its mostly because I don’t get too much affection from him throughout the week aside from a phone call or an affectionate goodnight text because we live an hour away from each other.
Anyway, has anybody ever experienced this kind of feeling before? Besides “spend time on yourself” what are some ways I can stop thinking about him so negatively during the week?
TL;DR – I spend too much of my time questioning my boyfriend’s intentions when we are apart and it makes me miserable. What do I do?
Comments
It sounds like you don’t really like him, but you’re trying to convince yourself that you do because he’s great on paper. I think you should listen to your gut. It doesn’t mean anybody is bad, you just aren’t the right fit.