To summarise if you don’t want to read the whole thing. My friend keeps lying about things she likes to my boyfriend, seems disinterested when I talk about him to her, seems upset that she doesn’t see “me” anymore but is only over or seems to wsnt to come over when he’s there and has said to me multiple times “you don’t need to worry about him with me” while having a whole loving boyfriend of years herself (I don’t even if she did like him he’s not that sort of person)
For clarification this girl is my best friend out of two and she’s in a relationship already, this will come as important information.
So she Invited my now boyfriend (M26) to a bbq thing we were doing and we really hit it off. She claims this was her doing and that she set it up but it wasn’t she invited him because he hadn’t been out in a while. But I don’t have the heart to tell her I know that so I just let her have it when she says she set us up.
Well it’s been just over a month (since we starting dating not since we met) and things are going really well with us I am Incredibly happy, but my friend seems to be quite jealous, at first I thought it was because she doesn’t get to see me as much as we are still in the puppy dog honeymoon phase where you spend all your time together. But she only seems to really want to spend time with me when he is there, then whenever we’re out drinking or we chat in private she tells me she thinks he doesn’t like her and she’s getting in the way and we don’t want her there but specifically him.
This isn’t the issue it’s just to put a little context on things. Of course I reassured her this isn’t the reason and of course she is welcome to hang out but to just give us space when it gets later at night because cuddles. Whatever fine, she still kept going on about how she’s worried he doesn’t like her even tho they were friends first. And kept talking about how close they were before and all that and about how well she knows him. (She actually keeps getting alot of stuff wrong like for exmaple she’ll says oh hes just tired from work when actually i know theres a problem)
She keeps lying about her favourite bands to him and bringing up her boyfriend with him but majority of the time it’s never good stuff about him and her boyfriend is extremely lovely and takes very good care of her and her mental health needs. I also noticed she stares at him constantly even when her boyfriend is there. She stares at him even when he’s not talking. The thing is I’m not the jealous type nor do I think my partner would ever do anything so I don’t need to worry nor be jealous but it makes me question my relationship with my friend and her intentions.
She seems to get uncomfortable or disinterested whenever I talk about him and brushes it off. She acts like she knows him better and the kicker was last night. This isn’t the first time she has said this, she’s said this quite a few times but I just find it strange that someone with a loving partner and who’s “set us up” would feel the need to keep reiterating this.
“You don’t need to worry about me with him btw” I know its such a simple line but it just rubs me the wrong way.
I’m worried mabye I’m just over analysing it though, i have autism and I either tend to be really good at reading intentions and if someone is doing something or really bad and completely misreading it there’s no in-between. I just don’t know what to do and it’s making me feel a little uncomfortable especially with the lies
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It is suspicious.
What does your boyfriend think of all of this?
This is a bit odd. Your friend might be struggling with envy. Either of your relationship, your happiness, or your closeness with your boyfriend. It’s possible she has feelings for him, or she might just be feeling lonely or left out and is acting inappropriately in response.
You could talk to her, something like: “Sometimes you say things that make me wonder how you’re feeling about all of this. I value our friendship, and I want to make sure we’re okay”. Then just listen.
If she brushes you off, then perhaps it’s time to talk to your boyfriend. Say she’s making you feel disrespected and uncomfortable, so you want to try hanging out without him and seeing how that goes. During these hangouts, mention your boyfriend only minimally. If your friend was feeling left out, she’ll hopefully respond positively to this. If she starts turning you down or acting disappointed maybe the friendship won’t be as close going forward until she sorts out her feelings.