My boyfriend (M24) and I (F21) have officially been together for about a year and a half. We were friends for a year before that and took our time getting to know each other before making it official. Looking back, I remember practically begging him to make me his girlfriend. I cringe at how I used to push for something I probably wasn’t even ready for. The person I am now would never do that.
As the relationship progressed, I found myself getting easily frustrated with him. At first, I blamed my own lack of patience and worked hard to be better about it, and I genuinely have improved. But now I’m realizing maybe the problem isn’t just me.
Lately, any time he upsets me, whether it’s disappearing for hours, not planning dates, or just being emotionally distant, my first reaction is to break up. I always say I want to leave during arguments, and it’s become this cycle where either he talks me out of it or I cool off and we try again. But nothing ever really changes.
Right now, we barely talk. And when we do, it feels empty. Our conversations have no meaning. It’s dry, robotic. I honestly don’t even want to text him anymore because I know the more I engage, the more I’ll end up disappointed again. It’s like I’m emotionally pulling away but still holding on out of habit or guilt.
I’ve had issues with him in the past disappearing for hours and coming back like everything’s fine. That’s started happening again. But instead of being mad like I used to, I just feel numb. I don’t even have the energy to argue.
A few weeks ago, he told me he was going to come see me and take me out. Then the day came and he bailed. No explanation that made sense, just an excuse. I got mad, wanted to end it again, and we stopped talking for a few days. When we talked again, he made all these promises about changing and putting in more effort. But I’ve heard it all before.
The only reason I haven’t officially ended things is because I’ve noticed a pattern in myself. I always jump to breaking up, no matter how big or small the issue is. I’ve started wondering if I’m the problem. Am I emotionally unstable? Is something wrong with me? Bipolar maybe? I don’t know.
I’m not even sure why I’m posting this. I don’t know what I’m looking for. Advice? Thoughts? Just someone who doesn’t know me to tell me if I’m crazy or valid for feeling like this. I just know I’m tired. I don’t think I want a boyfriend right now. Not like this.
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You jump to breaking up because deep down you know the relationship is already over… do both of you a favour and end it and go find someone better aligned to you. It’s clear he’s not willing to put in the effort you desire. You’ve outgrown him and that’s ok.
Anyone would get upset at being stood up by a long time partner. It sounds like he’s not giving you what you need out of a partner, and you’re starting to realize that. If your first thought whenever you’re upset with him is to bring up break up, it may be because that’s what you want. Some people make good friends but shitty partners, and that’s okay.
You’re not crazy. It’s hard to give you a definitive answer because I don’t know what your other relationships were like but these are all valid reasons to want to break up with someone. Honestly if you don’t feel like the relationship is worth putting in the effort then don’t. You’re so young, there’s so many people out there to meet and you shouldn’t give your time and energy to anyone who doesn’t respect you or want to actually grow as a person and as a couple. And I don’t mean that in a condescending way, I’m young af too (26f). But no you’re not crazy, I think you are lucky that you seem to have a pretty good grasp understanding of how you should be treated. Listen to your gut.
FYI, he’s just as uninterested in you also and he has checked out of a relationship just like you have. One of you gotta pull the trigger and end it the relationship because he definitely has someone on the side, but he probably can’t move in with them.