So let’s call this guy Max.
Max and I met in September at a college party and absolutely hit it off and became friends. We both go to a very prestigious university in our country (we’re from Eastern Europe) and we’re actually classmates. I have a degree from another university since I didn’t get into this one at 18 which is why I’m so old.
Gradually me and Max grew closer and it turns out we have a lot in common in both interests and upbringing. In March we were both in a very stressful stage in our lives and were both intoxicated so we ended up hooking up at a house party. From then on things kinda changed between us, Max became more affectionate and I eventually gave into it. We were kissing and hooking up regularly but we were never quite boyfriend and girlfriend, more like friends with benefits.
I’m on birth control and have been since I was 20. My periods were always regular but this month my period was 3 days late and I started getting nervous so I bought a test just to make sure I wasn’t pregnant. I was shocked and I panicked so I bought another test and it came back positive too. I immediately called Max and I was sobbing so hard I’m surprised he understood me. He came over and helped me calm down but I could see that he was scared too. We cuddled and started chatting about our possible options. When I brought up abortion Max started crying and he sobbed about how he could never ever do that and that he could never ever get over that and that we’d figure it out, and that he loves me so much, “just anything but please not that”. We ended up agreeing that we both need time to think and we’d revisit this conversation tomorrow. Still I’m very scared about this whole situation part of me wants to keep the baby and coparent with Max as we’d have the financial means and the support to do so, part of me is hesitant because I don’t want to ruin his career or mine.
Any advice would be highly appreciated
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Hey, I don’t think the financial ability to support a child is more important than being actually ready to have a kid with someone that you wanted to have a kid. He’s too young, you guys are not even a couple, I don’t think coparenting would actually work. Not in the long run. If I was in that situation I’d get an abortion but you do you. I just don’t think the structure of the family is there. Good luck whatever you do though
Your body, your choice ultimately. Very kind of you to run it by him, but he is not in a position to make that decision for you
We can’t tell you what to do, neither can Max. This is your decision and yours only. Your body, your choice.
Max is allowed to be human and have emotions, of course. But this is not his decision to make, pressuring you like that isn’t okay.
I wouldn’t base my decision on whether to have a baby on what someone else wants, no matter how emotional they were about it. You don’t know him that well and he may not stick around/pay, so take that into account too.
even if u do like max and can see yourself being with him one day it doesn’t have to be now. you guys can always abort this baby and stay friends with benefits and maybe try again when it’s actually planned. but it’s 100% up to u! but there’s a lot more than just financials . do u wanna go thru the 9 months of pain? imagine ur future life where you need childcare, and raising a child while working or doing school is like a 2nd job on top of it! it’s up to u but definitely picture ur whole life and responsibilities and your future goals/dreams/happiness / mental health etc and think of if having kids right now would damper that or get in the way of it.
him saying please not that? when it’s not even in his body? he’s not the one that has to push it out of him and always remember that he could leave u mid pregnancy or even after the child is born cause he might feel it’s holding him back in life. then you’re stuck with the kid just cause he felt guilty about u aborting it. men will feel guilty about abortion but then leave the second that kid is born .
If max bails, are you ok taking care of the kid on your own?
And please read about what it’s like being a mom. If you have no sleep, can’t work, a fussy baby etc, will you resent him and regret your choice?
Having a kid should always be done with fyi lol knowledge of the situation and by being prepared for all scenarios.
Having a child might be the best thing in the world for some, for others it could be the biggest nightmare. If you aren’t ready for one, maybe this isn’t for you. Yet many people go with the flow and make great parents. Personally I’d, errrr, stop this one and wait for later life and PLAN to have one, but I know that might sound harsh. But you did ask.
Best of luck with whatever you choose to do, I hope it works out for you.
Sorry but its not up to him. Hes 19 he has no idea what its going to be like to have shared parenting responsibilities for 18+ years
If you guys were married this would be a different conversation but you aren’t even a proper item.
This has to be your decision and you need to think about wjat happens if he bails and how would you cope as a single parent etc