Hi everyone,
I really need an outside perspective because I’m starting to feel lost.
I (25F) have been with my fiancé (29M) 2 1/2. Last year, he proposed – but honestly, it was way too soon and completely unromantic. No special moment, no heart racing. The ring doesn’t even fit me, it’s not my style, and it actually belonged to his sister. He refuses to get me a new one because he has no money – partly because he owes me about €1,500 that he hasn’t paid back. The thing is, he knew exactly my ring size, what kind of ring I wanted, and that I didn’t want to get engaged this quickly… but he went ahead anyway.
When we first started dating, he wasn’t very strict about religion. He’s Muslim, but in the beginning he would even drink alcohol sometimes. Now, I’m not allowed to drink at all because it’s “haram.” The weird thing is, it’s fine for us to have sex, but it’s “too haram” for him to sleep over at my place because his parents wouldn’t approve. Pretty hypocritical if you ask me.
Now he insists that I convert, start reading the Quran, and raise our future children as Muslims. He’s made it clear that our relationship will only work if I follow these religious rules. The problem is, I’m not religious and I feel extremely uncomfortable doing something I don’t believe in.
Other issues:
- He still lives with his parents and has no plans to move out.
- He doesn’t have a stable job, no degree, and no clear life plan.
- He indirectly controls my social life – going out late or partying is a big no for him.
- I feel like his mother sometimes: I cook for him all the time, and I’ve even paid for his groceries because he can’t manage money.
- I give so much in this relationship (time, money, emotional support) but get very little in return.
Lately, I feel drained and irritable. Everything he does annoys me more than it used to. I’m constantly on edge, like I’m walking on eggshells. If nothing changes, I honestly can’t picture myself still being with him in a year.
What is your advice?
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always been in complete disbelief people are actually in relationships like this, reading this was literally painful and just somehow kept getting worse and worse to the point its almost difficult to feel bad at all
Give him back the ring. End the relationship. Now. Don’t wait a year. You’re only 25 years old. You don’t need to wait to see if he changes.
He’s making unreasonable, controlling demands of you. There is nothing in this relationship that is what you’ve dreamed of in a lifetime partner.
Get a new boyfriend
Your boyfriend is a 29 year old controlling broke guy who lives with his parents. He didn’t care about your wishes about the engagement. What do you think that tells you? A man who loves you enough to propose would make sure it was what you wanted. He knew it was too soon for you but he didn’t care. The engagement was about him and had nothing to do with you. All your concerns are valid and he’s showing a ton of red flags. I’m not going to list them all because you can see them very clearly. Your annoyance is your intuition and nervous system saying this guy is wrong for you. Please listen to it.
You are so young. Trust me when I tell you that your future self would never ever want you to be with a guy like him. You need to follow you instincts and move on. I know that may seem scary but with time you will be so glad you listened to yourself.
If I could give one peace of advice to my younger self (I’m 42) I wpuld tell myself to trust my intuition. You know he is all wrong for you. Read over what you wrote.
Which values he add to your life? I think answer of this question is one main step for you to decide. Also, from your post I understand he likes to restrict and control. You have very different life styles, opinions and many big problems. How are you planning to solve them? If you are okay with this life continue with him, otherwise there is no meaning to be with him. Don’t expect any changes from him unless he wants, think if you can change for him to his direction
I think you already know the answer. But just in case you don’t, read what you posted as if someone else wrote it.
If you’re already drained & irritable, it’s time to move on.
Reread your post, and you will clearly see that you need to end the relationship.
You may never see the 1500 that he owes you (unless you are in a country where you can sue him for it), but losing that may be worth getting rid of him. Think of the time, money and mental health that you will save when you don’t have to invest it in him. You will actually have money to spend on yourself, you will have a social life, and you will be able to cook the food that you like. In addition, you will not be as drained and irritable, and will not be bullied to read the Koran.
I wish you luck going forward, and hope that it is without him.
Run!
The 1500 euros,take it as a lesson learned,but your mental health is far more valuable than keeping any type of relationship with your loser bf. At 25,why did you decide to torture yourself like this?
You set multiple boundaries about “minor” things, which he ignored. What do you think will happen if you set boundaries in bigger things?
Ditch the boy, get a man who respects you. Or get a cat. That works as well.
THIS IS WHY WOMEN HIS OWN AGE DONT WANT HIMMM
Please leave this relationship. This boy (yes, boy) has no clue what it’s like to be an independent and self-sufficient human. He seems very immature and honestly it worries me for you that he’s proposed so quickly and made it totally not special for you. He will probably take advantage of you, trap you with kids, and be a nightmare. Please do yourself a favor and leave. No small heartache you face now due to a breakup will be as bad as if you stay. He doesn’t sound like a good partner at all.
No! Do not convert. Leave! Run!
You have a controlling, hypocritical, mama’s boy for a fiancé. Do future you a favor and dump him.
You shouldn’t have accepted the engagement ring. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with him living with his parents because for some cultures this is normal and preferred until marriage. Moving out is an American thing imo. I think that if you’re dating someone with such a restrictive religion and you know that you’re not going to convert, you should never see it as serious. You should get out while you still have some of your youth left. It’s better for you guys to not continue to waste each others time.
Why are you with this babyman? Have his mommy and daddy pay the money he owes you and walk.
Yeah no, I couldn’t even finish the post. Girl run
sounds like you’re irritated with him, so you’re done either way. let it go
Holy shit, it’s like you added a new red flag with every single sentence. But here’s the big picture;
He views marriage as a leash from him to you, and he views religion the same way.
Tell us why you want to be with him ?
Because we can give you plenty by this post!
I’d rather be alone than be with someone like above 👆.
As for the money he owes you I’d just say write it off as a bonus for not putting up with him
I did not see ONE reason for staying in your post. I see a LOT of reasons to leave — and they’re each valid reasons for leaving all by themselves.
You already know what the right thing is. You’re processing through it to accept what you need to do, and seeking some validation here is a good step in that direction. Don’t doubt yourself. You know what’s right.
omg leave now!
I hate to break it to you but he’s 29 babes and I don’t think he’s going to be much different. And a YEAR?!? That’s graceful of you. You should leave now- yeah it will hurt in ways but you will also heal in ways u can’t imagine right now and also free yourself to a life that is more full and in alignment with what you are searching for🫶🏻
Oh hell no, you’ve pointed out nothing good, everything here is shit, run. You deserve to find someone who’ll give you all the things you want and be reciprocating.
Is he very handsome? Is he excellent in bed?
Or are you very ugly?
Otherwise, I can’t explain it.
You haven’t said a single positive thing about this guy so I guess the real question is…why are you carrying this dead weight around with you? I promise you that if you stay with this person..you will end up a very angry and broken person, please don’t do that to yourself. You deserve so much more ❤️
He tried to trap you!