So for context my fiance and I were uni classmates. The past two years have been really good and now we’re getting married in October. The problem is…. I feel like anything that I like, which is different to what he likes, he immediately says no. A complete no. He’ll have his reasons for it, but he’ll adamantly say that no I can’t do this. For example there’s this thing in our culture where we have a divider/curtain made of flowers and the man parts the curtain and greets his newly wedded wife in front of everyone. It’s a beautiful thing to witness and I’ve witnessed it at about 10-11 weddings. I had planned for my wedding to have it too. But apparently after 3-4 discussions on the matter, my fiance is just not up for it. Apparently he feels weird doing it (what’s weird about honouring me or showing your love for me? It comes naturally to every other person, even if it’s an arranged marriage… But for you it’s a hard no?) apparently it’s some male ego thing and I tried explaining that I’ve wanted this ever since I was a kid. And that’s still not enough because today HE initiated a convo about how he can’t wait for our wedding, and that he can’t wait to see me as a bride. Oh but if that divider thing is there no worries I’ll step around it. So I tried not to mind it. I just said haha well if you’re so against it explain it to my mom maybe, because she’s full on planning this. He got very serious and said no I dont like this. I’ll tell your mom too. It’s weird. I don’t like it. At this point I emotionally shut down. I knew where this was headed. I just didn’t say anything. I was like ok if it means so much to you I won’t plan this. I’m getting rid of it. I tried to say it in the most neutral way possible even though I was hurting like crazy. Because I know he’s just going to think oh she’s crying, I’ll just listen to her and make her stop crying.
BUT THATS NOT HOW IT WORKS. HE CAN’T JUST MAKE ME CRY, AND MAKE ME FEEL HURT AND THEN TURN AROUND AND GIVE ME WHAT I WANT. Why didn’t he do it when I genuinely wanted this? Why did he have to taint it? I do a million things that he likes just because he likes it. Why can’t he just do it for ME? Why do I have to cry, or be sad or hurt for him to take my wants seriously? Why do I have to beg for stuff that is given so naturally to other girls. Other girls don’t even have to ask. It’s just something that’s done so it gets done. And the men in their life do it with such grave and happiness. Why do I always have to cry and hurt over something that I like. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Idk maybe I’m venting but I genuinely do not understand this. I do not know how to change this dynamic. This cannot keep going on. This will kill all the joy inside me.
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Don’t marry him. Seriously.
None of this will get better when you’re married.
It doesn’t seem like you two are compatible.
Based on what you’ve written, I don’t think he’s the right person for you. Marriage is a partnership, and he isn’t acting like you’re his partner. You genuinely don’t sound like you’re happy, so why stay? He’s showing you who he is before marriage, and that will save you a lot of heartbreak in the long run.
OP, please don’t marry this man. PLEASE.
You both sound immature to get married honestly. Yes he sounds like a jerk trampling on your feelings and not being open to discussion. But from what you’ve written here it sounds like you expect him to act a certain way without having to tell him. Until you can both communicate with each other and be respectful of each others’ (and your own) wants and needs I’d suggest not getting married as this will not get better
dont marry him. i come from the same background as you and my heart hurts for you reading that last paragraph because ive been there. its not the end of the world if you end it, contrary to what your family might say
the right, kind, and loving person wont want to see you grovelling before they agree to do things for you
Please don’t marry him like everyone else is advising. He doesn’t like you
You can’t have that because you chose a man who won’t give it to you.
Why did you do that?
How can you write all of that and not realize that you should NOT marry this guy.
The reason why those other women are happy is because they’re with men who care about the experience they give to their partner.
The other women are receiving it naturally because they’re with good men who do it naturally.
That’s not him.
If you’re unhappy now, then this marriage should not happen. These type of problems don’t magically sort themselves out in marriage, they just become worse.